LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Hello all, Here is a new situation I'm facing. Met a guy on a dating site. Talked to him x3 on voice chat. His profile states that he has graduated with an engineering degree from a very prestigious school (He did mention the name of the school), divorced (1st marriage was only 4-5 months, he said that his wife admitted to have an affair before marriage with someone and still was in love with that man). By 3rd talk, he said that he has had 1-night stands during his college (in his country), but not while he was married, and again after he came to the US. He said that he did it while his divorce proceeding was still going on in his country. I asked "did you pay for sex?" Him "kinda" (I took it as yes). The guy didn't seem to really feel sorry about all this. His explanation "Everyone does it. I can gurantee that it won't happen while in marriage. I didn't know what else to do. I was really depressed about my divorce. I got married, couldn't keep the girl in marriage with me, I'm shy, so even if I understand that I should get a gf n do it with her in a committed relationship, I don't have those skills. So, what else can I do? so I did it this way. and this way is better b'coz it won't come back to bite you. The last encounter was a few months ago and I'm not happy to do things this way, thats why I want to get married quickly." I'm stumped by this. What the hell does this all mean? Should I forgive the man b'coz he has now come clean? or should I take this as a warning sign that the man has no control over his sex drive? I'm now concerned if he has contracted any diseases. He is not much into having kids. He did talk about adoption and asked me my views (I'm not hung up on having kids either but not b'coz I've health issues. Its just that I'm not settled yet.) Please help me understand. Thank you for your time. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Anyone who justifies their actions with, "Everyone does it," is going to hurt you sooner or later. Look around you. Look at all the news paper articles and TV shows about stuff like cheating for example. If he comes here, is that going to be his excuse? "Everyone does it" because that's the impression he gets from our media? "Everyone does it" just takes advantage of whatever the current excuse/flavor of the month is, it's like the "I didn't do it" craze that followed the Simpsons. Move on and find someone wiser than this guy. Link to comment
Aurian Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Sounds like he wants to get married for a regular boink-buddy? He sounds a bit creepy to be honest, the way he phrased that. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Well only you can decide if you think hes any good for you. But seems he would only rush things in the relationship because hes in some sort of hurry to get married and settle down. I think he may not know what a real relationship entitles. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 this the same guy that already has a bunch of red flags for you? why are you starting multiple threads about this guy? Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 no no, this is a different man. The other thread was about other guy. This is a different one. Link to comment
shikashika Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 well I don't think he is bad person, byt he may not be right for you... if his past bothers you this much, that you took the time to write a post about it, then I think that it will weigh on your mind too much and bother you and cause too much friction. Its Ok that it bothers you, but I would date someone if something they did bothered me. I personally don't have a problem with a guy who's had a lot of one night stands, but then i'm not the one who wants to date him, you are! Link to comment
Zampotne Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I personally wouldn't date someone that used prostitutes- even if it were before me. I think it's pathetic. But that's just me. Obviously it bothers you. And you're not even dating him yet. Why waste your time? Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Tell him goodbye. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 no no, this is a different man. The other thread was about other guy. This is a different one. ... What exactly are you doing to invite these men of questionable character into your life?? Is this a dating site or one of those sleazy webcam sites where you show off your body while looking for a U.S. husband to buy you into this country? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Sounds to me that he is desperate for a wife.... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I personally wouldn't date someone that used prostitutes- even if it were before me. Nah me neither....total deal breaker God knows what he's got. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 oh no, these are the men I was matched with on EH. The only reason why I'm asking for some input is because my girlfriends told me "he didnt have to be honest with you regd. his 1-night stands that you can't even trace back. He still was honest. That means that the guy is good." I don't know. So, I'm asking for some help. Thank you all . I appreciate your input. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 you just met a new guy and you caught a red flag from him. why continue? it obviously bothers you. i wouldn't tell a girl just meeting her how many one night stands i had. if she asked i'd tell her i'd rather not say and it's really of no concern. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 oh no, these are the men I was matched with on EH. The only reason why I'm asking for some input is because my girlfriends told me "he didnt have to be honest with you regd. his 1-night stands that you can't even trace back. He still was honest. That means that the guy is good." I don't know. So, I'm asking for some help. Thank you all . I appreciate your input. Good god, no, no, no. Basically, he cheated on his wife, used prostitute, my god, this is clearly a next situation. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 It does sound like he's rushing things quite a bit...you've never even met face to face and he's asking you if you'd consider adoption? The prostitute thing is your call, only you can decide if you're not comfortable with that. If you're not sure, maybe meet him for a coffee to get a better feel for everything. But definitely don't rush anything with this guy, he sounds a bit too much. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Telling the truth about age, the city you live in, if you live in a house or apartment have any pets etc. Thats good truth. Saying that he does drugs (I know he doenst its an example) or that he slept with hookers is bad truth. Hes just not a good person and even if he says hes clean you need some straight up proof! You can't really go judging people on past experiences or things from their past. I think hes no good soley because the fact that he wants to rush to get married and who knows for what reason. & this is EH. Maybe you should go to another site. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I don't see what the big deal is with whom he slept with while he was in divorce proceedings. If you've ever been divorced, you know that once the proceedings start, that's pretty much it. It's over, period. That he slept with prostitutes - none of your business as long as he's clean. Question is - does it bother you. You know what bothers me...you're asking all these questions about his sexual history as though you have a right to know the number, nature of, and details about them. Wrong. Your concern should be - if I am in a relationship with this person, how do they act? Sounds like his past bothers you - so fine, next. But remember that guys are human beings and anyone can make mistakes. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Sounds like his past bothers you - so fine, next. But remember that guys are human beings and anyone can make mistakes. Yes, but past is often prologue, you know. Better to find a guy who's all that and didn't do all those things in the past. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Tinu, I read some of your older threads.... I have a feeling that you are expecting Eastern Values in a Western Society. In the USA sex before marriage, one night stands, friends with benefits, etc are very common. If you are particular about those things then you need to look for only Indian guys or ask your parents to get you an arranged marriage. Dating is typically a western tradition. If you want to date you to have accept it as it is. You can't say I want to date but I will not get physically intimate with you until marriage. Most guys would think you are kidding and walk away. Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 This dummy shouldn't of been talking to you about sex in the first place. MAN, I don't know why guys shoot themselves in the foot that way. One's sexual past is nobody elses business. (Unless health/medical issues are involved) Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 This dummy shouldn't of been talking to you about sex in the first place. MAN, I don't know why guys shoot themselves in the foot that way. One's sexual past is nobody elses business. (Unless health/medical issues are involved) that's what i'm sayin. they barely even had contact for the first time. all these people keep posting 'well it's his past get over it'. like come on, who just gives that info away up front? Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 that's what i'm sayin. they barely even had contact for the first time. all these people keep posting 'well it's his past get over it'. like come on, who just gives that info away up front? "Hi, nice to meet you. You know, I've had sex with whole bunch of girls....(tee hee) I might have paid for some of it. I hope you will forgive me!!!" duh... Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 "Hi, nice to meet you. You know, I've had sex with whole bunch of girls....(tee hee) I might have paid for some of it. I hope you will forgive me!!!" duh... but you never know about indian guys and indian girls Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 but you never know about indian guys and indian girls what does that mean? Link to comment
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