Will I ever stop regretting dumping her???

[fridolyn]

I broke up with my -ex- one year ago. I was ok with my decision at that time. But soon after, we started hanging out again. Then, I decided to give it another chance only to realize that she had just found someone else. I've hurt her once because I dumped her. and I've hurt her another time telling her I wanted a second chance ... She came to my house 4 months ago and said that she was still in love with me, always thinking about me but couldn't leave her current boyfriend she's found inner peace now.

 

 

Today is my birthday and she wrote me a very nice message telling me exactly what she had told me 4 months ago. I'm not over her and I still regret dumping her (You reap what you sow heh ?? ) . I don't know if I will ever stop regretting!??!? I don't know if I should answer her mail? I don't know if I should tell her how I feel and that she is an extraordinary girl and everything??? I don't know if she's serious with her boyfriend? If she's happy with him?? but I don't want to hurt her. I've done enough and never will I hurt her again....

 

Help me please!!!

 

Fridolyn

 

***English is my second language***

[russ978]

She came to my house 4 months ago and said that she was still in love with me, always thinking about me but couldn't leave her current boyfriend she's found inner peace now.

 

Sounds like she wants to have you as a backup while still pursuing things with this other guy. If you want her back, tell her to leave her current boyfriend and follow her heart (which she says is leading her towards you).

 

If she continues to cling to the 'I can't break up with him' line, you gotta realize that while both of you may still have feelings for each other, she isn't willing to pursue something with you so you either gotta accept friendship of both go your separate ways

[redhearts]

I agree your her back up. Anytime she may think that shes losing you fully she'll say something to keep you around. But if she really did love and care for you, want to be with you then she would of left this other guy. So shes seeing how it works with him if its going to go really great or not. Just keeping you there on the side.

[Steve 7745]

Fridolyn. It's beyond your control now.

 

Even if you convinced her to come back to you, that means she would betray her current boyfriend. If she cheats on the guy she's with, there will be a plague in your mind that asks, "What's to stop her from cheating on you?" It is BETTER that she stays with her current boyfriend to maintain her integrity. It proves that she is trustworthy to her word, and that is the most valuable thing you could hope for in a relationship. Someone you can trust!

 

Our integrity is most meaningful to the people not present.

 

There is NOTHING you can do. Even if you get her, you can't really have her. So now face up to the facts that she is gone.

[Shattered111]

never say never - that is what my ex said to me everytime we got back together - at least you didnt break up with her more than 10 times.. unlike my situation but its ok - because I think everyone regrets breaking up with someone at one point or another.... give it time - let her go that wat your intentional plan in the first place was it not? dont consider it as a regret but more of a lesson in life..

 

be greateful that love entered your life and grateful to others for loving you and promise yourself that you will repay those people by loving yourself. Be grateful that you complete yourself and you have everything that you NEED to be happy

 

even if she is happy with her current boyfriend - you need to find happiness in your own life and realize that in order to not regret things you just need to take it a lesson learned... life is all about lessons and growth..

[greensleeves]

I don't know how she has found "inner peace" if she's with one guy but says she's in love with another man.

 

I agree with the backup theory as well...she's keeping you on the back burner, just in case and she enjoys the ego stroke of knowing you regret giving her up, it might even be a bit of sweet revenge for her, since you dumped her.

 

You may regret it for some time to come, but try not to...it just wasn't meant to be and it's easy to forget the reasons you let someone go if you're feeling lonely or they keep popping into your life.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Maybe there was a good reason why you broke up with her...instead of beating yourself up why not look at what she is really all about: You broke up with her...how long afterwards did she suddenly find a new boyfriend...from what you wrote it doesn't sound like it took her very long...so here she is with the new guy, playing him false...she is telling you that she still loves you yet doesn't break up with the new guy. Obviously she is not so happy with him because otherwise she wouldn't be saying words of love to you. So where exactly is her integrity...she sticks with Mr. Rebound in body but not in mind...she is with you in mind but not in body. You, on the other hand, have shown more loyalty and staying power...although you broke up with her initially, you are still in love with her and trying to get her back...she, on the other hand, immediately ran to the arms of someone else and is choosing to play him false.

[kuhl282000]

She sounds very dangerous .....

 

From the [ost abpve....execellent point

 

So where exactly is her integrity...she sticks with Mr. Rebound in body but not in mind...she is with you in mind but not in body. You, on the other hand, have shown more loyalty and staying power...although you broke up with her initially, you are still in love with her and trying to get her back...she, on the other hand, immediately ran to the arms of someone else and is choosing to play him false.

[TheButterfly]

I would take a different point of view on this. Maybe he's not a back-up plan, but I don't know the full story. A few things to think about.

 

Why did you dump her? What's changed now that invalidates that reason?

How long did it take you to realise you made a mistake?

When did her new guy enter the scene?

Is jealousy an issue? Do you only want her because she's moved on?

 

She is probably scared that she'll go back to you, and you'll dump her again. Have you talked to her properly about the break-up and what has changed since then? How can she trust that you're genuine now?

 

If my ex came back, I'd probably be feeling extremely confused.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I agree with Butterfly.

 

Im not sure she see's you as a back burner. (she may does, cant be sure either way) but I know that I wouldnt rush to get back with my ex and I love him more than anything.

 

When he broke up with me I was so crushed I NEVER want to go back to that place, and I wouldnt be able to 'settle' thinking it might happen again.

 

so maybe shes the same?

[fridolyn]

Thank you all for your support!!! I appreciate it very much.

 

Here are some answers to your questions...

 

It didn't take long before she found another boyfriend... only one month...

 

I realised I had made a mistake 2 months after dumping her...

 

I dumped her mainly because she was going a bit too fast.. kids,marriage etc. I was scared...

 

I've come to realise that she is an extraordinary person and that I should have thought a bit more before dumping such a caring and loving person...

 

Jealousy has never been an issue, on both sides...

 

 

 

 

Again, thank you all...

 

I will give her an answer, It will be cordial, sincere but not desperate. After all, it's been a year now and I don't think anything wrong will come up if I answer her. I am strong enough to accept the consequences.

 

Fridolyn