Regrets, karma, moving on....

[locolady]

Is it possible to simply erase someone from your life when you break up with them, never speak to them again and never think about them?

 

I'm curious as to those who have ended relationships, how you felt down the line, do you ever think about your ex, and if so what makes you think of them?

 

Also, what is the deal with karma eh? When do those who hurt others without caring ever get karmic payback?! It seems some people breeze through life without ever experiencing heartbreak...am I mental for feeling so hurt when others seem to just move on, and love conveniently falls straight at their feet again so they never miss their last partner. How is this fair!?!

 

Any experiences welcomed...

[Cognitive_Canine]

Answers in bold...

[testcase]

"I feel worried that I did the wrong thing, I feel sad, I feel remorse, I feel guilt. But, then at the end of the day I realize that I did do the right thing by letting them go. Breakups have reasons."

 

Not to hijack but can reasons not be resolved? I think the Karma thing is at one point in their life you hope they take the time to see what happened and how they contributed. Normally if we have been dumped and the dumper goes right on in life like nothing was wrong... you have to wonder if they really took the time to analyze the relationship. Maybe they are, probably not. Us the heartbroken feel and live the hurt to get stronger.... So with Karma we say we are hurting now... but eventually the other will realize their role in the relationship.

 

There is always 2 people involved in any relationship, and easy defense mechanism is to blame the other for all the problems. This is almost never the case.

[shes2smart]

Is it possible to simply erase someone from your life when you break up with them, never speak to them again and never think about them?

 

Yes...except on the "never think about them" part. Every once in a while I'll come accross something that reminds me. When it does, I don't dwell on it and put an end to that line of thinking with, "I hope's doing well, but I don't need to know about it" and put my mind back on the present.

 

I'm curious as to those who have ended relationships, how you felt down the line, do you ever think about your ex, and if so what makes you think of them?

 

I'm good with what's gone on before, because it was all steps to get me where I am now. What makes me think of exes? Depends on the ex. One was into auto racing, if I see something on TV about one of the drivers he followed, I might think of him...not always....and not for very long.

 

Also, what is the deal with karma eh? When do those who hurt others without caring ever get karmic payback?! It seems some people breeze through life without ever experiencing heartbreak...am I mental for feeling so hurt when others seem to just move on, and love conveniently falls straight at their feet again so they never miss their last partner. How is this fair!?!

 

Your view is that you're expecting karma to be a direct, clearly visible (to you) relationship: Do this to someone, this other thing happens to you. It's not. Sometimes, it takes a very long time for what goes around to come around. Sometimes, the way it "comes around" is only clear to the person it's coming around to and not to an outside observer (you). Sometimes how it "comes around" isn't what you may think is a fitting way, so you don't see it. Mostly, though, we don't get to see how that works for other people. Sometimes, if we're lucky and observant, we do. But I don't think that happens often.

 

Frankly, I think each of us has enough to do to become a decent human being in our own right that we don't really have time to keep track of anyone else's score.

[Cognitive_Canine]

That's true. Working through problems is how relationships gets stronger. However, you may come accross an unresolvable problem. It happens. Me and my last bf couldn't take the LDR. It wasn't a problem we could fix (LDR because of college).

 

That's why communication and compromise are so important in a relationship.

 

However, sometimes you have to know when to let go.

[cavaliere]

I don't think it's possible to completely erase someone out of your life per se, since you can never really erase memories. But if you want to, you can erase everything else. With my last ex, who I do not care for very much as a person, I disposed of all her gifts, photos, etc. and do not speak to her or any of her friends at all. Sure, she still comes to mind on occasion, but certainly not because of nostalgia! Of course, if the ex was someone you actually still care about, this approach may or may not be for you. Even in cases like that though, some people make ultra-clean breaks and put it all behind them because any reminders of the good times would hurt too much.

 

As for karma, most of the time, we really don't know what goes on there. I did get my closure after running into said ex in the city one night and seeing her face while I was on a date....with her best friend's sister. In my defence, I didn't know it was her sister, as we had never actually met. Now that's karma! That kind of thing is a one in a million occurrence though. shes2smart has got it right....there are more important things to worry about.

[Abbygail]

I broke up with my ex around two months ago... I can't remember exactly how I felt at first. I know it was a negative feeling that I had to get a lot of help with getting through... I barely spoke to him around a month after the break up, and things were going well in my life.

 

Then, there was the final week we spent together as friends... It was so hectic. He found out I was dating someone else, and told me it hurt too much to be friends.... I felt very depressed over that. The next morning, he told me he'd done a lot of thinking and asked me back out - I declined, and he again told me we couldn't be friends. A few hours later he said he wanted to be friends again.

 

We were only friends for three days or so, during which I felt extremely guilty because the pain he was feeling was evident. We did discuss getting back together, mostly because I didn't want to see him in so much pain, but a few hours later he came back and basically told me he hated me - which made me feel like a horrible person and girlfriend.

 

So that's the story... We've only spoken once since, and it only affirmed that he feels the same way about me. I still think about him a lot... At first I felt angry, then I hated him, then I missed him and hoped to be friends... Now I feel indifferent towards him, but I am sad that we'll never be friends again.

[sushigirlie]

Sounds like you don't know what you want. A common theme with GIGs people. I really feel bad for your ex.