wondering if he will ever propose...

[BBhogan]

I know at your age that marriage seems like it will solve all your relationship problems. But it won't. Marriage is more than just a new house, etc. - You have to envision yourself living with him on a day to day basis. I can tell you for sure (I married one) that even if you are married, your new husband is still going to go home to mom for dinners, watch TV, laundry, etc. - you are not going to stop that. I don't believe you can change him or hope he changes on his own.

 

I don't mean to sound like a downer on marriage or anything. It's just that I think the most important (and hardest) thing to do is figure out what you want. Do you want a house? Go see if you can get a mortgage on your own. Own your own home! It doesn't mean you can't stop dating him - just that you are getting something that you want.

 

I was the last of all my friends to get married, at 33, to get married. And if I could do it again, I would appreciate the time I had by myself. Sometimes it is better to have a boyfriend than a husband.

 

If your guy is not ready I don't think you can make him ready. All you can do is say "this is what I am going to do with my life" and ask him to come along. He may follow, he may not. I think 4/5 years is enough time to wait for a proposal. If he wanted to be married, he would have proposed. And I know you don't want him to propose just because you wanted it. That is no way to start marriage.

 

Anyway, enough preach'n - Good luck to you!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you are grasping at straws with this man. He is happy with the way his life is now and moving in with him is not going to magically change him. What you see is what you get. He has made it crystal clear that he is not changing...don't make the mistake of assuming moving in together will magically change his mind.

[_Asti_]

 

If your guy is not ready I don't think you can make him ready. All you can do is say "this is what I am going to do with my life" and ask him to come along. He may follow, he may not. I think 4/5 years is enough time to wait for a proposal. If he wanted to be married, he would have proposed. And I know you don't want him to propose just because you wanted it. That is no way to start marriage.

 

Anyway, enough preach'n - Good luck to you!

 

I don't necessarily think thats true. Some people just aren't in a position yet for an actual wedding.

I have been with my parnter about 4.5 years now..and there's no engagement yet. Why put the promise of marraige on someone's finger when you aren't in a position to be married yet? Still trying to get through school, establish careers, get money saved up, etc. other things do take priority in life..so I don't necesarrily think that if marriage was going to occur, it would have happened by now, is really the case.

[girl68]

At the end of the day. He still doesn't know.

 

Like I said before, you need to be okay with his answer. It is maybe I will marry but have no clue when. So if you can't stand the thought of leaving- don't but know that by staying you're agreeing that him saying all these maybe's is okay- for now. If you're going to stay lay off the pressure. See if he's willing to take the next step (sounds like moving out). If he moves out consider that one step closer...

 

Sounds like he just doesn't want to grow up. He needs to start.

[TropicalParadise]

I don't necessarily think thats true. Some people just aren't in a position yet for an actual wedding.

I have been with my parnter about 4.5 years now..and there's no engagement yet. Why put the promise of marraige on someone's finger when you aren't in a position to be married yet? Still trying to get through school, establish careers, get money saved up, etc. other things do take priority in life..so I don't necesarrily think that if marriage was going to occur, it would have happened by now, is really the case.

 

Yes, that is true in some cases, but the difference is that he isn't sure if he even wants to marry HER after 5 years. If he can't even tell her if he sees her in his future, that's a bad sign IMO.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I notice not a single guy has answered

 

have they read between the lines and know the score, and dont want to break any bad news?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

The other problem you run into is that there is usually a '7 year itch' that hits all couples, where if they are single, they usually break up, and if they are married, they go thru a rough patch and may or may not get divorced, depending on whether they are willing to tough it out. The 7 year itch is when familiarity starts to feel boring, and one or the other person is suspectible to outside attractions (other people).

 

So you've gone 5 years, and if you wait another 2 you might hit that 7 years and he'll bolt. If you're married, people usually do try harder at that point to stay together and work thru it, but if single, they just walk away.

 

I can guarantee that if he is not at least willing to move out from his mother's house and live with you RIGHT NOW, then this is going nowhere. And even if he lives with you, you need to be prepared to ask for an engagement in no later than a year, and concrete plans for a wedding soon after.

 

Otherwise he will just string this along forever.

 

But i suspect you are going to have a hard time getting him to actually move out, so this may be a moot point. He clearly wants to play and continue a lifestyle that doesn't approach marriage at all, so you have a big hurdle here.

 

Perhaps if he misses you he will change his mind, but I suspect from what he is saying that he just likes it exactly the way it is, and will just replace you with another girlfriend if you demand marriage... i am sorry.

[FreedomRing]

I think you are grasping at straws with this man. He is happy with the way his life is now and moving in with him is not going to magically change him. What you see is what you get. He has made it crystal clear that he is not changing...don't make the mistake of assuming moving in together will magically change his mind.

 

100% agree