LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Hello all, I have talked x3 with a man I met on one of the dating sites. By our 3rd talk, certain things came forward that are deal breakers for me. 1) He is divorced (and married for a reason that I don't approve of) 2) He has some long-term health issues. So, I know that my parents will not approve of this man. I'm done talking to him in terms of dating and since he mentioned that he is attracted to me, I don't even want to stay friends with him. I wrote a message explaining my action, closed the match and moved on. The guy doesn't want to let go so easily. He wrote a long email and also is attaching love songs mp3 files to his emails. Keeps saying "I like you. I hope you like me" Ewww He is beggin to talk one more time. (He doesn't have my phone no. yet) He is looking for jobs in my area so that he can spend more time with me. Please, we have not even seen each other yet. I dont even want to. What can I do to make him understand in a firm but decent manner that this IS over. I'm so tired of such clingy men. Why push someone when they are clearly not interested? I'm afraid of the fragile male ego. I dont know what to do. Please help. Thank you. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Well if you have tried everything and it has failed, then 'ignoring' him might do the trick....he'd sharp get the message and he'd quickly move onto his next victim.... Sounds a bit like the guy I was involved with online. He was clingy and would send me love songs too....had us married with kids and within a fortnight of knowing him. Even travelled miles and showed up out of the blue and in my town to meet me....and no meeting had been arranged. PMSL! Why are they so 'clingy' though I wonder? They latch on and then they just won't let go.....! Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 thank you D_Lish for your reply. Yes, I guess that's the only alternative left. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 lemme guess... you must be Indian Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 yes, but how does that matter? Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 yes, but how does that matter? It does because I am assuming that the guy is also Indian. Indian men are deprived of the opposite sex.... So finally when they get close to a woman they will latch on to it and never let it go. That's what I am assuming given the fact you guys have never even met. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 No need to analyze why a stranger behaves this way. Just block him. I don't think his ethnic background has anything to do with it. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Grymoire, well, yes, the guy is Indian. I don't know a whole lot about his past dating experience yet. But both of us are in the US since last few years and whether they are deprived or not, clinging is not the solution. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 thank you Batya, I always like to hear your take on my situations. I really appreciate your replying to my message. Link to comment
My Advice Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 what are his long term health issues? Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 my advice, can I PM you with that answer? I just don't want to put that information out here. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Look if I just chatted online with somebody a few times and they were looking for jobs in my area and sending me mix tapes I would freak out. Tell him that you are going to report this to the site admin and get his profile shut down. Hopefully you didn't tell him the street you live on. This guys sounds nuts Link to comment
george237 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 what are his long term health issues? Why does it even matter the guys crazy and she is not interested. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Grymoire, well, yes, the guy is Indian. I don't know a whole lot about his past dating experience yet. But both of us are in the US since last few years and whether they are deprived or not, clinging is not the solution. I agree... regardless of the reasons being clingy can kill the attraction. Just be firm and send him an email one last time explaining that you are not interested in taking this any further. Be gentle but be firm without giving any hopes. If he resumes contact even after that you can safely ignore him and not feel guilty about it. Link to comment
bubbledot Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I would definitely shut the door on him as quickly as you can. I've been through this sort of thing before on online dating sites and have learned how to prevent it. If you 'string him along' for too long without being direct enough, he could become more obsessive. And then possibly even hurt or vengeful. Link to comment
May_It_Be Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Wow. Okay, if this behavior continues, especially if this man is talking about moving to your area to "be with you", it's time to consider contacting the police. This is DISTURBING, stalkerish behavior. BLOCK this man, ignore him, do whatever it takes. BREAK his "fragile" male ego; maybe that will encourage him to leave you alone. SHATTER him, please, for your own safety and sanity. THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY MAN!!! Eesh. Link to comment
May_It_Be Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Well if you have tried everything and it has failed, then 'ignoring' him might do the trick....he'd sharp get the message and he'd quickly move onto his next victim.... Sounds a bit like the guy I was involved with online. He was clingy and would send me love songs too....had us married with kids and within a fortnight of knowing him. Even travelled miles and showed up out of the blue and in my town to meet me....and no meeting had been arranged. PMSL! Why are they so 'clingy' though I wonder? They latch on and then they just won't let go.....! Because they're desperate. You're the only woman who will have anything to do with them, even if having anything to do with them merely constitutes a couple conversations online. These are scary, desperate men, and you DO NOT want to enter into a relationship with one of 'em. Not talking from personal experience ... I've just heard MANY scary stories out there! Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 30, 2008 Author Share Posted August 30, 2008 thank you all for your replies. I appreciate it. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Because they're desperate. You're the only woman who will have anything to do with them, even if having anything to do with them merely constitutes a couple conversations online. These are scary, desperate men, and you DO NOT want to enter into a relationship with one of 'em. Not talking from personal experience ... I've just heard MANY scary stories out there! Yeah me too and I wasn't daft enough to take anything further with him. Came here, posted and was advised to run for the hills...lol Guy in my situation started out all nicey nice and was that way for around a month, hence Id gave him my phone number. Then he started commenting on my pics I had in my profile. Told me to remove them from public view because he didnt want other men looking at me. When I wasn't always available to chat on the site, I would log on to find abusive messages, accusing me of chatting to other men, saying he could do better than me and how he had other women lined up. Then an hour or so later, he'd send me urls to YouTube and tell me that he'd dedicated a love song to me... He was offering to send money and gifts....told him I wanted nothing from him. What I think he was really after, was my address and I'm so pleased I didn't give him it, although he knew the town I was located in. He told me he'd been searching Google World, to see what the town I lived in, looked like. He seemed obsessed. Anyway I started ignoring his calls, etc, yet he's still ring a million times a day. Then one day he calls on a witheld number....he was here in my town!! Needless to say, I didn't go off to meet him....changed my number shortly after and now no longer frequent the site I met him on. Link to comment
May_It_Be Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Whoa, uh, yeah, this guy is lucky he didn't get his @$$ landed in jail over THAT kind of disturbing and intrusive behavior. Oy. Seriously, men who do this must be SO DAMAGED and SO DESPERATE, it's almost depressing. Prolly never had a woman look twice at him in his entire life. Sick, sick, sick. THANK GOD you're out of that situation. Course, I pity the next unsuspecting dupe out there who foolishly responds to his next inquiry. What a nightmare! Link to comment
george237 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Maybe he forgot to take his crazy pills. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted August 30, 2008 Author Share Posted August 30, 2008 this guy googled me as well. commented on my pictures. and while in a voice chat with me, tried to save my pictures that I've posted on EH. He told me that he couldn't and I asked "why would you try to save my pictures?" "Just because I like you." Please Please, I'm meeting all crazy men on EH. I'm thinking of pulling my profile down. Link to comment
My Advice Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 George it matters cuz I am curious. That's why. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 George it matters cuz I am curious. That's why. Ok well if I didn't think it has anything to do with the fact that the guy is nuts. If I told you about a problem I was having with a girl and I mentioned she had shoes on would you ask what color the shoes were? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Prolly never had a woman look twice at him in his entire life. Sick, sick, sick. Thing was though, he wasn't a bad looking guy, so I don't think it was a case of he couldn't get anyone else. tinu said: this guy googled me as well. commented on my pictures. and while in a voice chat with me, tried to save my pictures that I've posted on EH. He told me that he couldn't and I asked "why would you try to save my pictures?" "Just because I like you." Please Please, I'm meeting all crazy men on EH. I'm thinking of pulling my profile down. Oh yeah, this one saved my pics too....LOL Reckoned he was using one as his phone screensaver. I'd say it was the same guy, except I wasn't on eharmony...I was on a UK chat/flirt site and he's in UK same as me. Link to comment
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