Getting Played Right?

[ezechiller]

So, I've just found this site and first off i have to say it is amazing and you people really are giving good advice to everyone and I hope i can get the same.

 

I've read through a bunch of your stories, but none seemed to match my story.

 

Here goes. Last year i dated a girl for 6 months or so during the summer months, and I was really into her. SHe broke up with me around Sept. and I was really shattered. I began to move on and was happy being single. Not long after I became happy I met the "girl" for me in November.

 

Now this girl i met was only 20, and had 2 kids - 2 different baby daddies and was never married. I am 25 and have a child of my own so it wasn't too hard to accept that, but at first i admit i was skeptical. Anyways so in the beginning i was really trying not to get attached because i had just got hurt in my previous relationship. She also told me she was hurt by her last BF- baby daddy #2, and how she really had a hard time trusting people and how everyone ends up walking over her..blah blah blah. Needless to say we became inseperable, she would come over just about every night with her kids and visit me, sleep the night, what have ya. She told me the reason that her and baby daddy #2 split is because when she was breaking up with baby daddy #1 and just going into baby daddy #2, before he had got her pregnant, she was confused and seeing both of them - I've bolded underlined and itallized that for a reason to come up later. She told me that this really weighed on baby daddy number 2 and eventually broke up with her. now in the beginning i was spending time with her, but i wasn't giving her all my attention- she'd come over and i'd be busy playin around on my computer or doing random crap around my house

 

so we continue on our relationship, which i might add is very fun and we are best friends, you know i trusted her and she trusted me, until i did something stupid. I got really drunk one night and had a get together at my house, Me, my GF, her friend and my friend came over and we were having fun. my gf decides to go take a shower and for some reason while she's in the shower... i black out and dont remember but i try and kiss on her friend. Her friend is really shyin away and my gf comes out and sees me trying this. she's pissed and confronts me (found this out the next morning)...anyways she leaves and about 3-4 days later she says i don't think its gunna work out. BLah blah blah - anyways we work it out within a week or so but she definitely is holding a chip on her shoulder about this. anyways we continue and then i slip up again by lying to her. I was going to the beach 6 hrs with one of my guys friends and i had invited her to go, but she didn't want to come. My buddy then at the last minute invites 2 girls come. Seems fishy right well i didn't want her to think soemthing was going on, because there wasn't so i told her that 1 girl came with us. yeah I lied, and yeah i messed up our relationship. We stayed together for another 3 weeks or so but gradually she started spending less and less time with me, until i got pissed one day and said I NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU!...anyways she then sent me a txt message in the next day or 2 saying " i dont think its going to work our right now"

 

 

So what do i do? Im hurt because i really wanted this to work even though its more than likely my fault. I think i went on NC for a week, then I talk to her about if this is what she really wants in person. She says she can't handle a relationship right now cause her daughter is about to start school, and she has to take care of some of her sick family, and she doesn't have time for me. Plus she's about to start her own schooling as well. But she wanted us to stay friends... and how i was a great friend but bad boyfriend..

 

Now this girl grew in the same town as me until she was 10 and moved away 1.5 hrs away with her mom. She then moved back 1 year ago to take care of some family and then she met me. But her baby daddys both live 1.5 hrs away and she drives over there every other weekend to drop them off. Her brother lives there as well and she has tons of friends over there, when we were dating she would drive over there and usually party one night and supposadley sleep at her brothers house, and then come back and spend the weekend with me. NOw she stays over there the entire time with baby daddy more than likely.

 

Anyways i found out from her sister that she had been seeing her baby daddy #2 while we had been apart, and how she loves him and couldn't live without him, at this point i go NC for about a month. She would send me a txt mesg or 2 every week or so - sayin how she missed me and hope i was doing well, but i ignored it. She would then get mad and say your pissing me the fk off .. quit being childish and ignoring me. so i finally sent one back saying i had been real busy and she needed to chill out.

 

fast forward a couple of weeks,we begin contact again and tell her how sorry i am about how things happened and how i want to make things work between us. she says she scared im going to hurt her and she has sooo much sht going on right now and not ready for a relationship. But she is seeing me every day for the past 2 weeks 3-4 hrs at a time, and how she loves me and kisses me and we are sleeping together. i start doing little things for her like i never did before when we were dating, buying her flowers, her fav ice cream. She is even leavn me little love notes on my truck saying how she loves me big big.... every night she comes over i always seem to bring up our relationship....she says i've already told you 100 times why we can't be together...but then she says something like i need to be patient..(am i being put on the back burner for backup?)

 

not to mention she wants to move back to this place 1.5 hrs away next june...i want to stop her...but don't know if i can... don't know if i want to if thats her dreams..i really do love her

 

 

it just feels like im getting the run around .... i feel as if she's staying with me during the week and her baby daddyy #2 on the weekends...

 

when we first started talkin agaoin i would tell her how much i missed her and how i loved her soo much and how i wanted to see her all the time.....now im gradually gettin off of it again... im not bringin up the relationship anymore..

 

SOO my question to you guys, should i leave this alone? am i getting played with here? what do i need to do? i know its my fault...but is there hope? Should i play it cool? Do i continue to let her come over and cuddle and kiss and love on each other?

[ezechiller]

i might also add that i wrote her a letter asking for my forgivness for what i did to her and she said she forgave me..

 

i put all my feelings out there, i didn't hide anything

[Zampotne]

She's either still hurt by your actions before, and is pretending she isn't (and will continue to shoot you down until she gets over it)

 

OR

 

she's hookin up with baby daddy #2

 

If it were me, I'd do some investigating.

 

However, if it really were me- I wouldn't be involved in a relationship this dramatic. There's plenty of other people out there.

[D_Lish]

No I don't think she is playing you.

 

You screwed up big time in the early days of this relationship, not once but quite a few times and the way she is acting/treating you now, stems from your screwing up.

 

She obviously still has feelings for you, hence why she will still keep your company. But you hurt her and she doesn't trust you enough, to consider a full time relationship with you again and at this point in time.

 

Meanwhile it sounds as though she ran to daddy no.2...to get some comfort

And sure enough daddy no.2 will be comforting her....

[HeartGoesOn]

I don't see this going anywhere.

 

Since she's sleeping with you, and also sleeping with "Baby Daddy #2, you could very well end up being, "Baby Daddy #3.

[ezechiller]

damn i sure dont want to be #3..lol

 

anyways i've been brutally honest with her. Shes asked be if i've been with anyone since we split. i didn't lie, and told her yeah i was. 2 to be exact. i told her i was trying to get over her, and that it happened. i told her that after i did i felt bad and made me realize how i wanted to be with only her.

 

i asked if she had with anyone especially baby daddy #2, she said no - i wana trust her, but you never know.

 

so yeah i guess i bring all the drama into my relationships, i need to work on that.

 

 

i wonder if this is a test, to see what i do/how i react??

 

This weekend is the weekend she is going to drop off her kids also... so im sure she will be in contact with baby daddy #2.. wonder if i should just wait for her to call text?

 

Man she got me confused. Wish she would just say i want you, or i don't want you.

 

Oh another tidbit of info worth mentioning...she came over monday night and i was unusally quiet, she asked what was wrong...... at first i tried dodging the question but then after her persisting, i just said i have in my mind to tell you that i can't do this anymore, i can't just be your friend - i want you and all of you and i want to be with you. she said ok and left then sent a txt message later and told me i was a great person and that she would always love me and for me to remember that. so i called her later and asked if she really meant it, and she said yes - then i said i was sorry, and i still wanted to see her... gawd im a pushover.-- QQ

[ezechiller]

D-LISH,

 

Do you think that in time she will come around? just continue to hang out w her?

 

she has also said she doesn't expect me to wait around forever, and that i should do what i need to do.

 

Told her the ball was in her court but it wouldn't be forever.