Self acceptance

[Akira]

I just need to hear the success stories of those who have fully accepted themselves. People who used to struggle with insecurity and then broke away from it.

 

I am 21 and really aware of my age. I keep expecting a massive change to happen so I can finally feel like how I'm 'supposed' to be - or how I want to be.

 

The strange thing is that I expect to transform into something, but I don't know what. I see all these different personalities around me and want to take bits and pieces from everyone. Sometimes I long to be loud, joyous, full of life - other times I long to embody a softer, calmer sort of person.

 

I know the key is in self acceptance but I feel so rooted into my self consciousness that I don't know how to change my thinking. I honestly feel that I have to change my personality to cater to all the different people in my life.

 

I'm never content with just who I am, I get very easily embarrassed/intimidated and have self esteem problems that kill my confidence. Having said that, there are moments where I love love love who I am and feel very happy. I just wish I let those moments in more...

[allypally]

For some people it takes years to accept who they are, their limitations, weaknesses, strengths etc. Others seem to have accepted who they are already.

 

Its taken me years to love myself and I still get insecure now and again especially in a relationship.

 

I know I'm not into the whole dieting treadmill so am curvaceous now but I used to be a fitness, diet freak never being satisfied with the way I looked. Now I think there are more important things to think about.

 

My philosophy on life is to live it to the full, enjoy each day as much as possible and strive to attain my goals.

 

I am happy with life and who I am, although there is always room for improvement.

[duppy_conqueror]

allypally: its definitely you're priorities change as you get older...i guess self acceptance comes from putting yourself before others; validate yourself in your own eyes and mind, instead of waiting for others/society validation. and look into yourself and trust in what you see...to attain your individual sense of self. i dunno, i mean, sometimes i too get a little sidetracked by what everyone else is doing.saying.wearing whatever, but the important thing is to "just go with yourself".

[allypally]

Duppy-Conqueror, I used to put others before myself aswell - nice though this is, you're really saying that you're less important to yourself and prioritising other people.

 

You have to look after yourself, by putting other people's needs before your own you're going to end up in trouble.

 

I'm not saying turn your back on your family, friends etc. BUT be careful not to become a doormat.

[duppy_conqueror]

Duppy-Conqueror, I used to put others before myself aswell - nice though this is, you're really saying that you're less important to yourself and prioritising other people.

 

You have to look after yourself, by putting other people's needs before your own you're going to end up in trouble.

 

I'm not saying turn your back on your family, friends etc. BUT be careful not to become a doormat.

 

woops yeah yeah thats what i mean! i dont mean become a self centred, selfish person; of course, we must maintain compassion, consideration and empathy for those around us!!!! but yeah, always look after number one as well.

[Pocket Rocket]

woops yeah yeah thats what i mean! i dont mean become a self centred, selfish person; of course, we must maintain compassion, consideration and empathy for those around us!!!! but yeah, always look after number one as well.

 

This is very true - you can't rescue someone who is drowning when you yourself don't know how to swim. Sadly putting others before ourselves when we have low self esteem is sometimes not about just being nice but about making sure other people hold us in high regard. That is why peer pressure works so well. When you accept yourself it doesn't matter so much whether others think you're the greatest. It becomes much easier to do right by yourself and others without having to resort to people-pleasing.

[nutbrownhare]

I guess, for me, feeling secure comes from knowing who I am - what my strengths and weaknesses are, and feeling comfortable that there are things that I'm totally crap at.

 

I've observed that the happiest people I know are the ones who pursue their own interests, no matter how batty, with other enthusiasts, and get their sense of self-worth from within, without caring too much about what other people think. I'm not talking about criminal activities, but hobbies or interests that might be laughed at by other people.

 

Caring about other people, and connecting with other people is also part of self-esteem, so I'm certainly not advocating the kind of selfishness that really couldn't give a **** about others.

 

I generally feel OK with myself; I have bad days like anyone, but I'm generally OK.

 

As a teenager/early twenties, I took three overdoses in four years, self-harmed and was a psychiatric outpatient. I've had a lot of psychotherapy since then, and I'm aware that I'm much more comfortable with intimacy and assertiveness than most people I see around who have never had any emotional problems. When we go through very distressing experiences, it increases our capacity for empathy because we will understand others who have been in the same place.

 

Going through the fire a bit is really awful when you're young, but it doesn't half give you a load of resources for later life.

[jtracy]

I think that the first problem is that you want to be all things to all people. That is impossible. The important thing is that you are your own person. Your only concern should be how to develop your strengths and shore up your weaknesses, in other words to be the best of who you are. I have read that we all have a gift. Some people are going to find it useless, just ignore them. If you meet enough people, you will find someone who treasures it. I found that idea wonderfully encouraging. Another thing is massive changes are not going to happen unless you make them happen. I don't know why you should be really aware of your age. In personal growth, I think age is pretty much irrelevant. You're still fairly young and have lots of time to grow and evolve. It may help to remember that everyone is equal. Other people are not any better or worse than you are, and it is a waste of time comparing yourself to them or wishing you were like them. The only comparison you need to make is to how you were yesterday. If you are better today than you were yesterday, you have succeeded in life. Self esteem comes from celebrating your strengths and accomplishments, and knowing that you are a better person now than you used to be.

[joebloggs]

Good post.

 

Life is not a sprint it is a marathon, a marathon in which there is only one competitor, that participant is you.

 

Over the next few years you will change in ways you never thought possible. Self-realisation and acceptance takes time, try and enjoy the process.

[ColdHands...]

One thing that might help - try and imagine yourself 5, 10 years in the future. What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to achieve? Take a few minutes to picture that.

Then think of habits or activities or values you can cultivate to help become that person. And maybe think of the ones that you do currently that dont help you improve as a person. Put it into practice.

 

Something which I realised about myself recently is that I dont express myself enough...in the way I talk, dress and act. I used to think about what would be considered acceptable / cool by other people before I acted. But now, I realise thats pointless. Screw what people think. If something comes into your head, say it. If you like certain clothes that are a bit 'out there' don't hesitate to buy them. Express yourself in every way. If you're in a situation, dont think what X or Y would do...think about YOU would do.

 

Hope that helps.

[NowandZen]

For me, acceptance came when I realized that we are all from the same source. That's right, you, me, Brad Pitt, everyone.

 

I don't define myself in terms of others. I am not concerned if I am better or worse, I just AM. Do I want to be better? Sure. Am I on a timetable defined by others? Nope.