butterflycloud Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I am having a relationship with a quadraplegic guy, it hasnt been going on for long now but I feel such an overwhelming connection to him, thinkI may even be in love with him. Yet everyone is telling me that it will be too difficult and that Im crazy to even contemplate it. Anyone had a similar experience? Link to comment
soul_soother Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Hey I have once dated a deaf girl and things were harder, I can't imagine a quadriplegic. However nothing should really stop love, but things, yes will be harder... You aren't going to be the average couple, walks in the park, time at the beach, cute vacations. You name it, it won't be the same... 24/7 visits to the doctors, ummm Sex life not sure how that pauses out? I guess it all depends on you and how strong willed you are. Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Thanks for being open to the idea Soulsoother. I know it will be very different and hard at times but I think Im prepared to deal with that. Has anyone out there had such a relationship? Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Do NOT listen to ANYONE and follow your own heart- you may miss out on a lot of happiness. trust me ..if i listened to the people in my life ..i would not be where i am now- take a chance- thats what living is about. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Do NOT listen to ANYONE and follow your own heart- you may miss out on a lot of happiness. trust me ..if i listened to the people in my life ..i would not be where i am now- take a chance- thats what living is about. This is so true. Others may be weak, you be strong in your convictions. Link to comment
rocio Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I have a friend who dated one and told me it was the best sex she ever had. Don't worry about what other people have to say. Follow your heart. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 No, let nothing stop you if you want to do it. there are many selfish people who say, no, i don't want the hassle of dealing with someone with special issues. But if you really have a bond with someone and love them, those physical hurdles become meaningless. Your life will obviously be affected in unusual ways because he is paraplegic, but everyone's lives are altered in different ways based on the choices they make. If he gives you joy, then the choice will bring you joy. Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 tahnk you everyone for your inspiraional words- making me cry here. Thank you for not being judgemental- Im so tired of others telling me that it will be too hard! Love and light to you all xxx Link to comment
Aurian Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You know, for someone who has disabilities, things are often harder, but one thing the disabled person learns to do is to accept things, find ways to get around the issues, and teach those that are close to them how to handle the disability. Sure, there may be things you won`t be able to do together, but maybe he`ll surprise you with inventive ways to get around the problems. If you don`t have a problem with his disability but are instead worrying about how difficult it might be, I would say give him a chance. It may not be as hard as you might think, and his personality and spirit might be worth it! I am deaf, and my boyfriend is hearing - I am the first deaf person he knew! I helped him understand how to "work" with my disability, and I know ways to get around it (want to go to the movies? I know special theatres that have subtitles for me - so we can see all the popular flicks when they come out!). Sure, there are some things I can`t do (plays, concerts, crowds with too many people to lip-read), but there are plenty of other things we can enjoy together. Its gotten to the point where he barely notices that I can`t hear him. Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 thanks Aurian- your words meant a lot. He is worth it! I know it may be hard but I am willing to learn and his disability does not put me off at all! Link to comment
SimplySasha Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 People who are telling you that it would be too hard are thinking of themselves in that situation, that it would be too hard for them to have to deal with a quadraplelegic, and they would rather pass on getting to know him better based on what, some missing parts? They don't understand the connection you have with this person. If you are thinking you might be falling in love, well maybe you are and you should just go with your heart, it is YOUR heart after all, maybe its meant to be with his. Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted September 3, 2008 Author Share Posted September 3, 2008 you are right, people are putting their own thoughts about him forward. Everyone I have told has reacted badly telling me that Im mad to even go there and ask if I know how difficult everything is going to be. But at the end of the day, I believe, if there is a love and soul contract there then it is going to happen no matter what anyone else says. How do you think my 7 year old son will be affected though? Link to comment
SimplySasha Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 How does your son react to the guy now? Kids are pretty resiliant, more than most people give them credit for. Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted September 3, 2008 Author Share Posted September 3, 2008 my son likes him. Has only met him once thus far. But my momkeeps on telling me that perhaps being with a quad is not the 'ideal' for my son. Thats not fair to say is it? Surely my happiness counts too and if this new guy is good with my son then there shouldnt be any problem. My mom seems to think it not fair to my son Link to comment
sedated Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Wow a woman who finds herself in love with a quadriplegic.. this is a real dose of medicine to cynics like myself out there Link to comment
SimplySasha Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 my son likes him. Has only met him once thus far. If your son has taken a liking to him, that will open a world of possibilities for your son. I think such a disabled person may be scary at first but he can learn from this man and with him valuable life lessons such as how not to judge others just based on appearances. But my momkeeps on telling me that perhaps being with a quad is not the 'ideal' for my son. Thats not fair to say is it? Of course it isn't. An 'ideal' man for a son would be one who is filthy rich and has all the time in the world to spend with your son. Let's see how many of those we can find just laying around. The 'ideal' man for you, well, apparently you've already found him. The best thing for your son, I am sure is to see you happy and if this guy makes you happy, your son will be happy. Surely my happiness counts too and if this new guy is good with my son then there shouldnt be any problem. My mom seems to think it not fair to my son Well, there you have it. Its YOUR SON and you will raise him how YOU see fit. I would talk to your mother and let her know that it seems pretty shallow of her to think badly of this man just on appearances and you would like her support in following your heart. As your mother, shes probably just looking out for your best interests and if you let her know how happy you are despite being with a disabled man, then she may just warm up if she knows that this love is genuine and two-wayed. I'm sure there is plenty for your son and your guy to do together that will be quality time regardless of any physical obstacles. I don't know the extent of the disability but there is always something you can do together as a family. Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 That be messed up to judge someone over a disability like that. I saw this guy who was in a wheel chair with his gf it was the cutest thing ever! I don't know how he did it, because usually the other way around, but the guy opened the door for his girl. I thought how sweet he doesn't let anything stop him from being a gentleman.=] Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Thanks Simplysasha. He is a quadraplegic so he is cmpletely paralysed- can only move his shoulders and up. You are right- if I am happy then my son will be happy, after all this new guy may prove to be a 'spiritual father' to my son. Sure he wont be able to kick a ball with him but Im sure that he will love him and give him all the encouragement that a little boy needs, especially my son as his real father has emotionally abused both he and I and my son needs to learn to trust a man again. I think my mom is coming to terms with the fact that I feel so much for the new guy- after all it is my life and love will conquer all. I am worried thoiugh- you see the new guy does motivational speaking all over the world and perhaps he expects me to go all over with him- but I cant because of my son! How to I approach that subject? Link to comment
SimplySasha Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Well, your son is young and I have heard its better that they don't move around so much as it can be a little difficult. I'm sure this guy will understand that you love your son very much and that you want to provide the best for him and that means a stable home life. Its not like this guy won't have a good loving home to come to after doing all the good work he does in his travels. Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Thats true, I guess Ill just have to tell him that I cant always go away with him to his talks as I need to be here with my son. Its all so exciting though! Im sending him flowers on friday- any suggestions on what the card should say- Im just sending to let him know how I feel about him Link to comment
Parsley Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I think anyone who tells you you're making the wrong choice is someone whose opinion you shouldn't worry about asking in the future. They seem to see only this man's disability, and don't seem to understand (or want to understand) that this person will need love and support just as much as anyone else. Of course there are going to be problems that other couples don't face, but if you're willing to give it a shot, do it! As for your son I think that if he likes this new guy then it could well be a learning curve for him. He's still quite young isn't he? 7? If he sees you so happy with this guy then he will grow up with a very positive attitude towards life, and there'll be one less ignorant pig for those with disabilities to deal with. I'm quite excited for you - you get to be doing the 'falling in love' bit. I'm quite jealous. Let us know how this progresses! Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted September 5, 2008 Author Share Posted September 5, 2008 Thanks Parsley You are right- there will be many valuable lessons that my son can learn from the new guy and with my son's real father being such a dispicable character the new guy will offer my son so much more, even though it wont be kicking a ball around. Think I am falling in love...perhaps for the first time in my life- this time its for real, a beautiful non conditional type of love. And I think he feels the same! As for thos sceptics out there...guess I need to tell them that this is my life and my heart and not to sound arrogant but I think I deserve a little happiness, had enough pain for this lifetime Link to comment
thejigsup Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 I know a guy I used to work with who became a paraplegic after an accident. His wife says it is very hard,especially with kids to raise. No sleeping in, ever. He has to get up really early because it takes him longer, much longer, to do the everyday, normal, morning things. Sex, I haven't heard much except she says it's different, way different, now. They love each other and have a great family. I know she gets very tired of it all sometimes. But every couple feels that way for different reasons. If you think you love him, go for it! Just go into it with your eyes open. Link to comment
butterflycloud Posted September 5, 2008 Author Share Posted September 5, 2008 thejigsup- thanks for the story. Yes I know it will be harder. Think Ive had a bit of practice brininging up a child all by myself- no sleeping in there either, doing everything for the child etc. My eyes are wide open and sure I have my concerns- wouldnt be human if I wasnt But Im willing to give it a chance. He is taking a chance with me having issues and a child so Ill take the chance with him and his wheelchair Link to comment
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