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Relationship with a quadraplegic


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Hey I have once dated a deaf girl and things were harder, I can't imagine a quadriplegic. However nothing should really stop love, but things, yes will be harder... You aren't going to be the average couple, walks in the park, time at the beach, cute vacations. You name it, it won't be the same... 24/7 visits to the doctors, ummm Sex life not sure how that pauses out? I guess it all depends on you and how strong willed you are.

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Do NOT listen to ANYONE and follow your own heart- you may miss out on a lot of happiness.


trust me ..if i listened to the people in my life ..i would not be where i am now- take a chance- thats what living is about.


This is so true. Others may be weak, you be strong in your convictions.

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No, let nothing stop you if you want to do it.


there are many selfish people who say, no, i don't want the hassle of dealing with someone with special issues. But if you really have a bond with someone and love them, those physical hurdles become meaningless.


Your life will obviously be affected in unusual ways because he is paraplegic, but everyone's lives are altered in different ways based on the choices they make.


If he gives you joy, then the choice will bring you joy.

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You know, for someone who has disabilities, things are often harder, but one thing the disabled person learns to do is to accept things, find ways to get around the issues, and teach those that are close to them how to handle the disability.


Sure, there may be things you won`t be able to do together, but maybe he`ll surprise you with inventive ways to get around the problems. If you don`t have a problem with his disability but are instead worrying about how difficult it might be, I would say give him a chance. It may not be as hard as you might think, and his personality and spirit might be worth it!


I am deaf, and my boyfriend is hearing - I am the first deaf person he knew! I helped him understand how to "work" with my disability, and I know ways to get around it (want to go to the movies? I know special theatres that have subtitles for me - so we can see all the popular flicks when they come out!). Sure, there are some things I can`t do (plays, concerts, crowds with too many people to lip-read), but there are plenty of other things we can enjoy together. Its gotten to the point where he barely notices that I can`t hear him.

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People who are telling you that it would be too hard are thinking of themselves in that situation, that it would be too hard for them to have to deal with a quadraplelegic, and they would rather pass on getting to know him better based on what, some missing parts? They don't understand the connection you have with this person. If you are thinking you might be falling in love, well maybe you are and you should just go with your heart, it is YOUR heart after all, maybe its meant to be with his.

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you are right, people are putting their own thoughts about him forward. Everyone I have told has reacted badly telling me that Im mad to even go there and ask if I know how difficult everything is going to be.


But at the end of the day, I believe, if there is a love and soul contract there then it is going to happen no matter what anyone else says.


How do you think my 7 year old son will be affected though?

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my son likes him. Has only met him once thus far.

If your son has taken a liking to him, that will open a world of possibilities for your son. I think such a disabled person may be scary at first but he can learn from this man and with him valuable life lessons such as how not to judge others just based on appearances.

But my momkeeps on telling me that perhaps being with a quad is not the 'ideal' for my son. Thats not fair to say is it?

Of course it isn't. An 'ideal' man for a son would be one who is filthy rich and has all the time in the world to spend with your son. Let's see how many of those we can find just laying around. The 'ideal' man for you, well, apparently you've already found him. The best thing for your son, I am sure is to see you happy and if this guy makes you happy, your son will be happy.


Surely my happiness counts too and if this new guy is good with my son then there shouldnt be any problem. My mom seems to think it not fair to my son

Well, there you have it. Its YOUR SON and you will raise him how YOU see fit. I would talk to your mother and let her know that it seems pretty shallow of her to think badly of this man just on appearances and you would like her support in following your heart. As your mother, shes probably just looking out for your best interests and if you let her know how happy you are despite being with a disabled man, then she may just warm up if she knows that this love is genuine and two-wayed. I'm sure there is plenty for your son and your guy to do together that will be quality time regardless of any physical obstacles. I don't know the extent of the disability but there is always something you can do together as a family.

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That be messed up to judge someone over a disability like that. I saw this guy who was in a wheel chair with his gf it was the cutest thing ever! I don't know how he did it, because usually the other way around, but the guy opened the door for his girl. I thought how sweet he doesn't let anything stop him from being a gentleman.=]

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Thanks Simplysasha.


He is a quadraplegic so he is cmpletely paralysed- can only move his shoulders and up. You are right- if I am happy then my son will be happy, after all this new guy may prove to be a 'spiritual father' to my son. Sure he wont be able to kick a ball with him but Im sure that he will love him and give him all the encouragement that a little boy needs, especially my son as his real father has emotionally abused both he and I and my son needs to learn to trust a man again.


I think my mom is coming to terms with the fact that I feel so much for the new guy- after all it is my life and love will conquer all.


I am worried thoiugh- you see the new guy does motivational speaking all over the world and perhaps he expects me to go all over with him- but I cant because of my son! How to I approach that subject?

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Well, your son is young and I have heard its better that they don't move around so much as it can be a little difficult. I'm sure this guy will understand that you love your son very much and that you want to provide the best for him and that means a stable home life. Its not like this guy won't have a good loving home to come to after doing all the good work he does in his travels.

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I think anyone who tells you you're making the wrong choice is someone whose opinion you shouldn't worry about asking in the future. They seem to see only this man's disability, and don't seem to understand (or want to understand) that this person will need love and support just as much as anyone else. Of course there are going to be problems that other couples don't face, but if you're willing to give it a shot, do it!


As for your son I think that if he likes this new guy then it could well be a learning curve for him. He's still quite young isn't he? 7? If he sees you so happy with this guy then he will grow up with a very positive attitude towards life, and there'll be one less ignorant pig for those with disabilities to deal with.


I'm quite excited for you - you get to be doing the 'falling in love' bit. I'm quite jealous. Let us know how this progresses!

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Thanks Parsley


You are right- there will be many valuable lessons that my son can learn from the new guy and with my son's real father being such a dispicable character the new guy will offer my son so much more, even though it wont be kicking a ball around.


Think I am falling in love...perhaps for the first time in my life- this time its for real, a beautiful non conditional type of love. And I think he feels the same!


As for thos sceptics out there...guess I need to tell them that this is my life and my heart and not to sound arrogant but I think I deserve a little happiness, had enough pain for this lifetime

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I know a guy I used to work with who became a paraplegic after an accident. His wife says it is very hard,especially with kids to raise. No sleeping in, ever. He has to get up really early because it takes him longer, much longer, to do the everyday, normal, morning things. Sex, I haven't heard much except she says it's different, way different, now. They love each other and have a great family. I know she gets very tired of it all sometimes. But every couple feels that way for different reasons. If you think you love him, go for it! Just go into it with your eyes open.

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thejigsup- thanks for the story. Yes I know it will be harder. Think Ive had a bit of practice brininging up a child all by myself- no sleeping in there either, doing everything for the child etc. My eyes are wide open and sure I have my concerns- wouldnt be human if I wasnt


But Im willing to give it a chance. He is taking a chance with me having issues and a child so Ill take the chance with him and his wheelchair

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