Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Why or how someone can be such a heartless a-hole to someone. I'm sure you all are familiar with me & my break up story which is very similar to everyone elses. I was doing really great all things considered. He left me but kept contact at the random to tell me he loved me & missed me (sometimes @ very ridiculous times) even though I repeatedly asked him not to. Last I heard from him was Aug 4th. He sent me a really sweet text to tell me he was horny. Yeah, real nice. My only reply was to ask him where he was living now. I'm pretty sure he moved back in with his estranged wife. There was no answer. We had a trip planned for Aug 11th, a cruise through the baltic sea. That was a pretty depressing week thinking he was there with someone else, when up until just a few weeks ago I thought I was still going. Hmmm...I thought that b/c he invited me months ago, badgered me about making super sure I had my vacation time okay'd right up until a few days before he suddenly stopped talking to me...again....etc....etc...etc.... At least I knew he wouldn't be trying to screw with my head as he would be away, so I was on a little vacation as well, if only from him. It was kinda nice. No worries about him trying to contact me as he was away. At least I had that. I figured he would try to contact me when he got back, b/c he is just a jerk. Plain and simple. So when he would have been back, around the 18th til now, I didn't hear a peep, which was good. I'm trying my damndest to move on & forget. So Im at my book club with my ladies tonight & I get a text from him asking me to do something with him this weekend. Im pretty sure today is the 27th. 23 days & a nice cruise later. I guess he thinks I just...forgot???? I know full well he is probably just bored, maybe his wife is out of town, his other girlfriend is busy, just thinks im easy???...I dont know what, but I just cannot for the life of me figure out who in the hell thinks that they can treat a person with such a complete lack of care, empathy, consideration, feeling??? He cares absolutely nothing for me. nothing. It floors me, every single time. Luckily it is happening less and less. While I really want to know the whole story & know what he is really up to as it will help me emmensly, he will just lie. I want to rip him a new one, yell at him, scream & make him realize that only horrible people treat others this way, but he knows. He just doesnt care. which means he doesn't care about me. It shocks me b/c I would never in a million years do this to someone. I'm not saying i've never hurt anyone, but, at least they knew what was going on & I had the decency to let them be & not taunt them when I knew they were hurting b/c of me. Whatever that is, he doesn't have that & for some reason it surprises me EVERY time he does this. So remind me again please why I need to not call him back & tell him what a wretched man he really is. Because, right now I am so angry that if he were standing in front of me, im not sure that I could resist the urge to pick up the closest object & beat him with it. Remind me that normal people dont do this & its better for me to just let it go and never talk to him again. He must truly think I am a stupid stupid girl. He must truly think that I am the dumbest thing that ever walked, & that pisses me off all over again! I thought he was finally gone this time, so here I am hurt and angry all over again, and well...he's just fine. Anybody have any idea why someone would just do this? Because I am at a loss, so I am going to just go to bed. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Wow... Seriously, Karmageddon, the ONLY logical explanation I can come up with here is that this guy is certifiably NUTS. I don't know what to tell you except to support your decision NOT to contact him. Clearly, he is out of touch with reality, and there would be NO point in telling him what a loser he is -- it would have absolutely no effect on him. He is one mixed up guy. Think of how relieved you felt when he was away on the cruise -- that's the feeling of NOT being subjected to his craziness. Now, just think, you can have that feeling ALL THE TIME, and all you have to do is just cut him off, 100%, completely. I feel for you...I've dealt with some pretty mixed up behavior from my former guy, but nothing like this. The best thing to do is not *feed* his craziness in any way -- by not giving him even an ounce of your attention -- even if it's just to tell him off. Hang in there. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Change your number that way he can't contact you and you won't have the urge to reply back.=] Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Thank you Browneyedgirl. I appreciate the sane words. Makes me feel less ridiculous. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Change your number that way he can't contact you and you won't have the urge to reply back.=] He has all my work numbers and emails too. Unfortunately that would have been to easy. Good idea though! Link to comment
greywolf Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I understand the frustration. On the bright side, you probably realize that you would never never ever want to be in a relationship with him ever again, and that will help you move on faster. Link to comment
May_It_Be Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Not nuts. Insecure. He's using you as a security blanket. You boost his ego. If things aren't going well with the current squeeze, it's easy to turn to an ex to get that ego stroke that many people so desperately need. Yes, it's cruel, and unfair, and pathetic, and disturbing. But it's actually quite common. You're response? Don't give in. Don't stroke his broken sense of self. That will remind him that you are, indeed, a PERSON, and not merely an ego boost. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Not nuts. Insecure. He's using you as a security blanket. You boost his ego. If things aren't going well with the current squeeze, it's easy to turn to an ex to get that ego stroke that many people so desperately need. Yes, it's cruel, and unfair, and pathetic, and disturbing. But it's actually quite common. You're response? Don't give in. Don't stroke his broken sense of self. That will remind him that you are, indeed, a PERSON, and not merely an ego boost. As much as I want to just scream at him, I have no intentions of replying. Im going through so much right now & he knows that and feels free to just keep piling it on! He used to chastise my ex husband for treating me so poorly, which I find comical b/c what he is doing is actually worse. I think you are very right. For some reason he thinks he can just run to me whenever he feels the need & then drop me like a hot potato AND just assumes I will volunteer for more. Thank you. Link to comment
mezmerist Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Insecurity like the other poster said, and also selfishness. He is only thinking of his needs at this point, he doesn't care if it hurts you or not. He is thinking that he wants to hang out, he is bored, whatever...and then with a one-track mind sends you a text and asks you to hang out. Probably not much else going on in there =) So yeah, don't respond to his selfish antics because he is not looking out for your feelings at this point! Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Insecurity like the other poster said, and also selfishness. He is only thinking of his needs at this point, he doesn't care if it hurts you or not. He is thinking that he wants to hang out, he is bored, whatever...and then with a one-track mind sends you a text and asks you to hang out. Probably not much else going on in there =) So yeah, don't respond to his selfish antics because he is not looking out for your feelings at this point! Yeah, so true. I've told him before, I cant be your friend & if this is what you want, please just leave me alone. So when he would contact me before I would think he just came to his "senses", now it has sunk in as to how selfish and uncaring he is. Thank you all for the reminders as this is exactly what I need to hear. I was so tempted to just call him and lay into him, but came here instead. Thanks thanks thanks Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 If I were you... I would go hang out with a friend. A male friend, big, burly kinda guy. And then you give this friend your phone... and then have your friend call this guy... Your friend: "Who the hell is this?! Why were you calling my girlfriend?!!" Let him go off and say a few threatening things. If he leaves a voice mail, even better. Then, a few minutes later, give this guy who has been harassing you a call, and say... "Hey! Sorry about that. I let my boyfriend Mongo read through my phone and he found all those messages you kept sending me. He gets jealous like that, but he's caring and loving. I know you like me, but maybe you shouldn't call anymore. I'm with him now and I don't want you to get hurt emotionally or physically... take care now, buh bye." Maybe this guy will act all manner of tough and angry about it, but trust me- fear will keep him in line. It's not what you know that scares you usually, it's what you don't know. Like wondering if Mongo knows where he lives or works. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 LOL!! Umm....does he really have to be named Mongo?? Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 So I have not responded & now we have text number two. I'm beginning to hate him. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 LOL!! Umm....does he really have to be named Mongo?? Candy gram for Mongo. Nah, you could call him Butch, or Ajax. ....Rrrrrrrrrralph! Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Candy gram for Mongo. Nah, you could call him Butch, or Ajax. ....Rrrrrrrrrralph! Ok, well I will do my best into putting some more thought into my imaginary boyfriends name. Hmm...George Clooney has a nice ring to it..... Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Don't answer him in anyway. I've already told you that I think he's a sociopath. Unless you like these kind of games. (I've got John Lennon's "Mind Games" going through my head now) Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Never have liked them, never will. I certainly don't appreciate them being thrown on me. Now I feel like I have to wait to send his stupid photo back since I was going to do it on my day off today. It just made me so angry. I wanted to yell at him....so I ignored it & came here instead. Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Give him nothing...cut all contact. (unless you want another go-around) Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Yeah, I know. He sent a back up text asking me to call him if i changed my mind since I didn't respond to the one yesterday. I didn't respond to either. Its tough though. Such a horrible way to treat someone. Just pop back in like nothing ever happened! yeesh. Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Dude has some deep issues. Which I've listed before. He's a user and a preditor. (he said judgementally) He's like my bad girl....wheras she needed rides from jail....he's (probably) after sex. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Yeah! You think you know a friend of 12 years! Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Heck, he might be a great "friend" but "fiend" of a lover. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 He is neither. I have no one in my life that treats me this way. Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 OH!!! I didn't mean for YOU to be his friend!!! You can't. It was a general statement. LOL!!! Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Ahh..."quotes"....got it! Link to comment
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