Parsley Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Hey, I've posted a thread similar to this before, but I feel like I need to go over this again. I need you ENAers, so so much. I feel like rubbish. I have some pretty big insecurity issues, which were compounded by an ex. We were only together for like 4 months, but in that time he managed to make me feel like the queen of the world, and then pulled back sharply, contact dropped like a stone, and eventually dumped me after letting me believe my pill was the reason for my worries, not the fact that he avoided me like the plague. I really really didn't think it had affected me that much. Until now. I've been with my boyfriend nearly a year and a half now, and he means the world to me. He's the nicest most genuine person I've ever met, and I love him like I never believed possible, and he loves me the same way. Most of the time I'm on top of the world! But at the moment we're in a temp LDR, we're at uni together, and it's still summer. I've seen him a few times over summer, it's been about 3 weeks since I last saw him, and I will see him again in another 3 weeks time. Right. Well, I live in a very awkward area. I can't drive (can't afford lessons, tests, car or insurance) and public transport is unreliable and incredibly expensive. Most of my close friends are at uni, the ones that are here either work full time or can't be bothered to meet up when I try and arrange something. So I get stuck at home a lot. I've got a bad case of cabin fever. I'm used to seeing my boyfriend every day at uni, and I haven't adapted well to being back home. He lives in a city, a 10 minute walk from his friends, and from the city centre, so is never short of things to do. This means he doesn't really contact me a lot. Sometimes it just makes me a bit sad, but other times (like now) it gets right into my heart. My insecurities go mental, my head starts telling me that he doesn't love me, he doesn't miss me at all, if he did he would want to talk as much as I do. I start reading his replies to things as if they are short and curt and just trying to brush me aside, placate me for the moment. So then it starts telling me I should just not contact him for awhile, you know, check up, see how long it takes him to take the initiative to text me or whatever. But then some sort of sense kicks back in and tells me to grow up and not to play stupid games, that I should text him cheerfully and let him know that while I miss him a lot, I hope he's having fun. THEN the other side chips in with "Don't want to start getting clingy now though do we?" and I start picturing his friends rolling their eyes because he's got a text from me, can't I ever leave him alone just for one night out with his friends?! I'm hearing this inner dialogue right now as I type. I'm driving myself into a tizzy, and the worst part is knowing that he's with his friends at the moment, having a great time, not doing anything wrong, but here I am anguishing over nonsense. I don't know what to do. This is driving me insane. Every night I keep making myself watch feel-good romantic comedies, so that I will lighten up and remember how much I love him. P.S. I Love You makes me sob every time I watch it, because it makes me think how lost I would be without my boy, and so I watched it last night, as a serious attempt at pulling myself together. But then while it will work then, by the next day I've falling back into this horrible trap of not knowing what to do. I need your help guys...I thought I'd got a grip on all my stupid thoughts long ago, but they seem to just have risen right back up to the surface over the summer. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm away from him, and not seeing and talking to the person I love just seems inherently wrong. Thanks for whatever you can say...I really need some of your magical pearls of wisdom. P xxx Edit: This has also lead to my already ridiculous level of comfort eating rise to even dizzier heights this summer, which is starting to get to me a lot...previous weight related issues as a teenager. Anyone who can help with comfort eating would much appreciate any help or ideas! Link to comment
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