Please think twice about breaking NC

[Hopeful99]

Just wanted to say that when it is all said and done - please do not do what I did in terms of handling the breakup with my ex gf. If you have time , read my posts from this past 9 months as a road map on how to screw up. While I believe she has major issues and is not good at relationships, I did not help things any by remaining in contact - finally sending her daughter a card was the final straw and she said to never contact her or her family again.

 

Not only no hope of reconciliation but no hope of ever talking again in a civilized manner. I know Icould nothave changed the breakup and most likely there was nothing I could have done or said to make her come back on a permanent basis. But....at least I would not sit here and be totally ashamed of making a fool of myself.......and having to see her and her friends at the office just drives the stake deeper into my hear every day with what a foll she thinks I am.

 

I realize all situations are different....just think before acting.....unlike me.

[Nearwater]

I can relate. I said some things in emails that pushed my ex into telling to go NC.

No one likes to hear the truth when they make questionable decisions.

 

When I opened the discussion questioning her actions, she did look at what she was doing, then lashed out in anger and told me no more. Had I kept my mouth shut for a while we could at least be on speaking terms, and when her choices bite her in the behind, we may have been able to talk things out.

 

Now, pride, anger and fear will send her on a different path than even speaking to me.

[Sparkie]

Hey mate. Try not to beat yourself up. NC is advocated a lot, because in the majority of cases it is for the best.

 

BUT it wasn't for you - you just did what you needed to do. You may do differently next time, but for where you were then/now, you did what you thought was right.

 

Now you have no choice but to move on and heal. And the pain of where you're at will help that. Make a joke of it at work etc - just put your hands up, smile, and say 'yep, i was an idiot".

 

Remember this. Some partners don't come back. You say yourself that yours wasn't right in the end. So NC, or no NC, she wasn't for you. Loads of people at ENA have done NC for 9 months and are still nowhere near healing. You are, and you didn't even do any!!

 

Chin up mate. It only hurts from here because you let it, and pride. Just smile, and think 'next time......'