This to me sounds like too much

[anotherperson]

I am writing here annoyed after what has just transpired regarding my long term girlfriend. I had another thread recently on how I believed my girlfriend didn't want to acknowledge and defended the fact that we spend little "quality time" together. We spend a lot of time together, but it's rarely quality time...

Old Thread here:

The general response that I got was that we do need to spend time apart, even if the time we spend together is not very intimate, and that could later bring back intimacy.

 

Today's Story

A member of her family has become extremely ill. She and all family members have travelled to another city to be with them (death is unfortunately possible). My girl and I run our own business and are the sole employees. My gf also had plans with her sister for a big "girls weekend away" this coming weekend, but as soon as we returned to work on monday she got a call about the ill family member and she had to go. She was terribly upset and I completely understood and knew that she just "had to go" as it was family and was very important. I reassured her I would take care of everything. The day she left we unexpectedly got a lot of work to do all of a sudden which I have been attempting to deal with all week. Everytime I spoke with her on the phone I didn't tell her about it, as I didn't want to upset her because she had enough to deal with already. Now that the end of the work week is in sight, she tells me that her relative has improved and that she may come home late tomorrow night. She asked me about work, so I told her. She criticised how I handled some of the work, but appologised soon after because she knows it would be difficult to manage all this work on your own. She asked me to prepare her clothes for her as she may (get this) "have to go to this girly weekend away with her sister after all" as not doing so would "only make matters much worse for her". This really annoys me that I have been killing myself all week and she is coming back for a fleeting visit to grab her things before she heads off on a "fun weekend". I asked her "how can she do that considering the state of her relative and the week she has had". She says she doesn't want to go on the girly weekend with her sister, but it has already been paid for and losing the money would be terrible. To which I responded "yeah but surely what has happened over the last week is more important", She replied "it is, but if my sister decides to go I have already promised her I would go with her as she needs me". Apparently her sister is going away with a group of people, some of whom she doesn't get on with and allegedly recruited her sister (my gf) to join in case she has a bad weekend. I thought this was load of crap and the truth was that my gf was invited and just wants to go on this girly weekend and was using her sister as an excuse. To be honest I think the fact that her sister plans on going away this weekend despite what has happened all week, speaks volumes about her priorities.

 

I have had to make excuses to our business clients already as a result of her absense, and I am working my ass off, as well as consoling her on the phone whenever she calls upset. She has asked me not to call her as she cannot receive calls whiles in the hospital. So I just sit here and work, say prayers for her relative and take care of everything. I think she is being really disrespectful considering all I am doing for her. I know she knows I am annoyed and I believe that when she returns to collect her things, she is going to tell me that "I am horrible for making an already difficult week for her, worse!". I think that's just blackmail.

 

Now I know I am angry while I write this, but I really would like to hear what you think of the situation. Is she taking me for granted?, or should I just take it?. You see all of this just re-enforces the fact that she is disrespectful to me and our relationship, or it still just my stupid way of thinking?

[redhearts]

I personally think a business shouldn't be started with two people dating, but I don't know your circumstance. Because if you two don't get along in the long run then thats a big mess, sometimes.

 

Its hard to say. She had a tough week with almost losing someone in her family and then wants to go get her mind off it by relaxing on a little vacation? But I do think its better to put priororities straight here and she should be helping you. You got dumped with everything to do and shes just sort of blowing you off purposely now.

[anotherperson]

Thank you very much for replying.

 

I personally think a business shouldn't be started with two people dating, but I don't know your circumstance. Because if you two don't get along in the long run then thats a big mess, sometimes.

Yes you're right, and it's something that we did not rush in to. Thankfully we do work quite well together. Yes we do get stressed and can argue over the job at hand, but we do get the it done and we do enjoy the work we do. She says all the time that she much prefers us having our own business than working for someone else.

 

Its hard to say. She had a tough week with almost losing someone in her family and then wants to go get her mind off it by relaxing on a little vacation?

You see what really annoys me is that if she just said to me "I feel like I have an opportunity here to take a break from all of this with my sister, and I would like to take it", as opposed to "I don't want to go, but I promised my sister I would". I mean she has been talking about trip for weeks, so even the dog knows she is really looking forward to it. I have even surprised her with all expenses paid romantic vacations away in the past, and she spoke less about them.

 

It's only when I think about it now, she never once said all week that she was going to cancel this trip, even when she was balling her eyes out on the phone telling me she was going to lose her family member. I just assumed considering how upset she was and the severity of the situation that it would be the last thing on her mind. I mean I am not asking her to start working on her share of the work when she gets home. She called me later and started insisting that she help me with some work stuff over the phone, but to be honest that would be of little help. I only think she did it beacuse she wanted to make it easier for her to take off for the weekend with her sister without guilt. She keeps insisting to me that she is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. If she goes away she is leaving me with all the work, if she stays home she is losing money spent on the trip (even though she would have to spend as much again if she actually went, if not more) also that her sister would be upset and she doesn't want to upset her.

 

While writing she just called me and I said this..."Listen I know you have had a really hard week. I want you to know that I love and support you and I will continue to take care of things here. I want the best for you and if you want to go away with your sis this weekend then I am not going to have a problem with that. My concern is you and your well being, and I don't want to cause you any more stress." She then went to go on at how she really has to do this, and that it is imperitive that I understand the difficult situation she is in. To be honest I think she and her sister have their priorities all wrong, but I just told her "I understand, and not to worry". She told me nearly had a panic attack in the restaurant with her parents thinking about all the stress of the situation, so I told her that I have told her where I stand and that I hope it makes life easier on her. She seemed strange on the phone and told me her phone was about to run out of power and had to go. I reminded her that she had her phone charger with her, which seemed to kind of catch her off guard. She said she knew that, and that she needed to charge her phone and that she wanted to go back and regroup with her family. However I do think she believes me when I say I am cool with all of this. Eventhough I'm not, I just don't want the stress of an argument or to cause her any further stress.

 

Was this the right thing to do?

[george237]

She obviously wants to go or she wouldn't. Nobody does a weekend thing if they don't want to. Do I think she is wrong for going, no way. Do I think you are over reacting, you better believe it.

 

She has had this planned and even though she was away from work this week becuase of her family member it doesn't mean she has to cancel the weekend thing.

 

Why don't you plan a weekend with your buddies so you don't feel like you are doing all the work.

[anotherperson]

Thank you George for your reply. I guess you are right, I am over reacting a bit here. I'm glad now that I said to her what I did, when we last spoke.

 

I don't think I'll be able to spend the whole weekend with my buddies (because of work), but I'm sure I'll be able to get out and chillout too.

 

Thanks all again for your comments.

[george237]

Thank you George for your reply. I guess you are right, I am over reacting a bit here. I'm glad now that I said to her what I did, when we last spoke.

 

I don't think I'll be able to spend the whole weekend with my buddies (because of work), but I'm sure I'll be able to get out and chillout too.

 

Thanks all again for your comments.

 

Everyone needs time away from work. Remember you should work to live not live to work.