Do I tell or keep quiet?

[ness]

Wasn't sure where to post this but thought I'd try here!

 

I'm on facebook and an ex of mine tried to 'add' me and sent me a message, giving me his phone number and asking me to text him.

 

We were only together for 6 months and we split up 5 years ago.

 

I clicked on his profile, could see it was definitely him and it said he was engaged.

 

I thought ok, can't be any harm in this. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and added him, then sent a polite text saying 'what's up?'

 

....mistake!!!

 

He decided to tell me that we never should have split up, I was 'perfect' and he's regretted it ever since! He wanted desperately to meet up and kept asking if I still lived near by. I refused to meet him, reminded him he was engaged, reminded him it's been FIVE years AND reminded him I was in a relationship! (It states very clearly on my profile I am in a relationship and there's loads of pics of my guy in my photos)

 

I didn't even tell him I still lived near him. He got upset with me, said he cannot believe I wouldn't meet up and was very upset.

 

 

 

It took a lot to get him to leave me alone and it seemed to work...until I got another message, out of the blue, simply saying "how are you? x" I was very blunt with him and thankfully haven't heard from him since.

 

 

 

 

Now I'm having a moral dilemma.

 

1 - If I was engaged and my guy got in touch with an ex, telling her she was perfect, regretted breaking up etc etc then I would 100% want to know about it so I could kick his ass and find someone new....someone who was genuine and trustworthy. So, with this in mind, I have a small temptation to get in touch with his fiance to let her know. I can show her the text messages so she would know I wasn't making it up.

 

2 - On the other hand, I want nothing at all to do with him or his new relationship. I feel bad for her, that she's willing to commit her life to this guy, but surely I have no right to mess things up and deeply upset her??

 

 

 

 

So far I've decided to keep very quiet about it. The only people who know about it is my guy and my family.

 

I'm just posting up here coz I know if I was her I would really, really, really want to know. I'm nervous of wrecking things for them, especially if he's actually just going through some daft phase...or something.. I don't know.

 

Basically - my question is, am I doing the right thing? By staying quiet and having no part in it?

[DN]

I think you should stay out of it. He will deny it and it won't be easy to prove. And then you look like some trouble-causing ex.

[Supa_gurl]

Leave it be. Just don't respond anymore to any contact from him and if you haven't already done so, delete him from facebook.

[odile]

Leave it be. He may have been having cold feet, and spoken in ways that he deep down didn't mean. Who can say. In any case, he made you uncomfortable, and you judged the exchange without giving it too much thought.

He is now out of your hair, and it's probably in everybody's best interest to keep from tangling up in any nonsense with a person whom you know longer really know, and feel you no longer care to know.

[girl68]

Same... Leave it. He didn't cheat per se... sure, he's crossed the line. He's been a fool for you but lucky you have a straight head. Forget you ever heard from him and hope for the best for his soon to be wife.

[HeartGoesOn]

I can see your point, but I would not involve myself in thiis.

 

He will surely deny it, and if he has a cheating heart, she'll find out sooner or later.

 

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, and aren't you glad you're not the girl he could have done this to?

 

Wishing you the best...

[ness]

That's good to hear, thanks for the responses. I just needed a little reassurance it was the right thing to do.

 

I have deleted him from my facebook. My number is still the same but if he gets in touch again it will be changed.

[bostonbruins24]

I don't think he will call considering that you deleted him from facebook.

[D_Lish]

Let's see.....you are having a 'moral dilemma' and were contemplating contacting a woman and a woman you don't know, giving her information that her fiance had 'come onto you' via FaceBook and informing her he wasn't to be trusted....which would have caused her great upset and trouble for him.

 

Speaking of morals, where were your 'morals', when you took the 'initiative' to contact this guy after 5 years, who had stated clearly in his FaceBook profile, *ENGAGED*....?????

 

Says it all really!

[ness]

Let's see.....you are having a 'moral dilemma' and were contemplating contacting a woman and a woman you don't know, giving her information that her fiance had 'come onto you' via FaceBook and informing her he wasn't to be trusted....which would have caused her great upset and trouble for him.

 

Speaking of morals, where were your 'morals', when you took the 'initiative' to contact this guy after 5 years, who had stated clearly in his FaceBook profile, *ENGAGED*....?????

 

Says it all really!

 

 

 

Fact 1 - We went out 5 years ago, when we were 17, for 6 months. ****Hardly a serious relationship at all. I have grown up a lot since then and expected him to have done the same.

 

Fact 2 - When I eventually decided that I would text him as he requested it was purely to be polite as he was asking me to.

 

Fact 3 - Considering we were just kids when we were together, that we weren't together for very long at all and also considering that it's been many years since we've seen each other/spoken.....yes, I thought it was harmeless. Not for 1 second did I think otherwise. People are capable of growing up and changing.

 

Fact 4 - the fact it said engaged on his profile made me relax thinking that there's no way he's after anything as clearly he's found someone great.

 

 

 

So, to be blunt, no. You're wrong. I saw nothing wrong with what I was doing and neither did my guy.

 

It turned out to be a mistake yes, but I never saw that coming.

 

Also, I have told him to go away, deleted him from my facebook and I am prepared to do anything else to cut him off ***if*** he gets back in touch.

 

 

 

 

 

The only reason I posted up here is because I know how much I would want to know if my guy did that. I needed to hear that yes, by cutting him off and having no part in his life/staying quiet was the right thing to do.

[Zampotne]

^^^ I don't think you did anything wrong.

[ness]

thankyou

[Laura11111]

Let's see.....you are having a 'moral dilemma' and were contemplating contacting a woman and a woman you don't know, giving her information that her fiance had 'come onto you' via FaceBook and informing her he wasn't to be trusted....which would have caused her great upset and trouble for him.

 

Speaking of morals, where were your 'morals', when you took the 'initiative' to contact this guy after 5 years, who had stated clearly in his FaceBook profile, *ENGAGED*....?????

 

Says it all really!

 

This post isn't very nice.

 

I was going to say, contact the woman and tell her what he said. I feel for the woman who's about to be cheated on. She should know the truth. I would want to know.

[pumpkinmoon]

As much as I would want to know if a boyfriend of mine did something like that behind my back, I would stay out of it if I were you. Their relationship is no concern of yours. If he is going to cheat on her, he will do so anyway, and she will find out when the time is right. You never know, she might not be a great girlfriend herself. I think it would cause a lot of hassle that I am sure you can do without.

[blueeyedme]

What possible motive could you have for wanting to get involved.... MYOB and leave it alone.

[ImThatGirl]

I think you should stay out of it. He will deny it and it won't be easy to prove. And then you look like some trouble-causing ex.

 

I agree!.........