Without actually being married, what ways do men show their commitment to their relationship?

[allypally]

Just wondered whether the guys who contributed to this website could shed any light on the ways in which they felt committed to their gfs. We are not necessarily talking marriage here, but rather someone gravitating towards wanting to secure a serious commitment with their SO.

 

What are the steps they'd take?

What sort of gifts or if not gifts gestures?

Moving in together?

Following them overseas?

[Steve 7745]

Little things scattered over a long enough period of time. Like occasionally doing a favor or a very small gift. I like using Facebook to declare the relationship too, because it means you're proud enough of being with someone to publicly declare it.

 

And above all, doing things I hate for someone. Not often, but every once in a while doing something someone wants to do to show them that you respect their differences from you, instead of trying to "change" them to better suit my needs.

[Lionel Hutz]

I got my g/f a promise ring a few years back. I do the thoughtful things. When we lived together I would cook her favorite foods. I think if you are in a serious relationship and the other person can truly understand that you were thinking of them is what makes the bond you are speaking of. My g/f would always bring me lunch at work and it was always good caring times. Now that we are long distance, its letters (snail mail) and visits.

[girl68]

My bf is so committed it's _____ (I don't know fill in the blank!).

 

He always wants me around

He tells me all the time what he would do for me

He talks lots about our future (kids, wedding and house)

He can say without hesitation to me, his friends, his family what we are about

Basically he shows me how much he loves me everyday I know exactly how committed his is to us.

[_Asti_]

I think its about being there time and time again. Proving that you are committed. Making sacrifices and compromises, working together and communicating well and working through issues because you want things to work and you're willing to stick it through.

 

I always tend to say that my boyfriend is always concerned about my well being. And making sure we're good. And he's never had an issue showing his commitment to us. Whether it be phone calls, turning down his buddies, a stop by just for a kiss, travelling 16 hours in a day to make an appearance at a family member's funeral and leaving, spending a week sleeping on my floor post surgery to make sure I was taken care of, treating me well, respecting me, never putting me down, valueing my differences, valueing me and us and making the relationship a large part of his life. You work together towards a common goal, you want to create a future with them and you take steps to get there. He make me feel important and makes what we have feel important and special.

 

If you want to be with someone, showing them that you want to, shouldn't be a problem.

 

I'm not sure if its the BIG gestures that matter. So many people just move in together for the wrong reasons, marriages and engagements happen so fast, I don't necessarily think those things show a lot of committment. Its the little things that add up over time that PROVE how committed you truly are and have been. Anyone can make a large gesture, its the million little ones that I think truly matter.

[redrose85]

He sometimes makes dinner, brings me home gifts once in awhile, picks up the check more often than he used to... More importantly, he also has declared that I am his family. He knows what names he would like our kids to have, what he wants our home to be like, and he is proud to introduce me to family members I haven't met yet. He never forgets about me, and if I am late coming home, he'll call to make sure I'm allright. He keeps me safe and always tells me he loves me, that I'm beautiful, etc... IMO, it's all the little things, and the feeling of family that you get once you're really committed and in deep.

[Girl79]

I think that when he is committed, you just know. He makes plans to be with you, he wants to spend lots of time with you, he introduces you to everyone he knows, he makes plans for the future whether it be a trip or moving in together. Basically he includes you in his life as his first priority.

[photogo]

What Girl79 say. It sort of grow into it. You don't need to ask or wonder about it. I been committed in all my relationships

[Nearwater]

As a man in Love for a long time with the same woman, I became more and more committed in the relationship over time. As I was comfortable in us being truly "us" I started doing more caring things, leaving the odd short love note in her purse or travel mug, giving her a small present out of the blue, and make sure to tell her I saw this in a shop window or here or there and it was her style...

 

Always have time to rub her neck or feet and give a sweet kiss goodnight...

 

I would make her latte's and breakfast in bed if she did not have to get up and I did.

Really, what does it take to arrange s few strawberry slices on top of a waffle? 2 minutes? These are the things that would make me feel like my darlin' really was into me, so that is how I act towards her.

 

Of course the heartless little b***h dumped me with a text, But I loved her completely.

and she is a handful, will regret this for years to come.

[Nearwater]

abitsad- Doing those things is who I am when i am in love and committed. Being married does not ensure anything. Read the posts just on this board about walk a way wives and spouses... they said in front of God and friends they were committed, for better or worse ect and just walked.

 

It's true about "instant" my ex changed her mind about our future overnight. She may have been thinking about it for a long time but announced it suddenly.

 

My commitment to her is still strong, fighting to keep it together after months. I think that shows the strength of the persons bond as much as marriage, it's how you treat it.

[Circe]

Any loving gesture that involves (emotional or other) giving on his part, I think.

 

A marriage with no giving isnt particularly committed anyway. IMO

[beaglegirl]

ever man shows it in their own way. there's no magic gesture that separates the ones who care from the ones who don't. some are better at it than others. I read a lot of posts that are about men who cook or give a massage or gifts etc. But I think giving you your independence can sometimes be a sign of committment as well. I was always pretty shy until I met this great group of girls at work-we started a girls night out once a month. He was incredible supportive of this. and 99% of the time he is just home by himself while i'm out. we give each other our space and I think thats important. He will also be very goofy at times to keep me laughing. Yes, he has tried using it to get himself out of trouble at times but it certainly is enduring when your upset about something and he just keeps it up until your laughing and you forget about the bad (I'm the type that if i'm mad, im set in that foul mood for awhile).. you just have to gauge it for yourself... depending on his personality, how would he show his emotions? Some men are obvious while others take awhile to show their little quirks.

[Hollyj]

I want what you have!

[allypally]

I agree with Asti that people move in together for the wrong reasons, for convenience whether it be financial or so that they don't have to travel to see eachother.

 

In a way I like not quite knowing what is in store for us (ok I do stress over things and bore the readers on this site with my anxieties etc), but part of the intrigue is not knowing what the future holds. Its the journey towards a future together (I hope). In the meantime I'm having to confront my issues and grow.

 

But yes, the little things over time mean a lot and consistency. My bf has come and supported me twice whilst I competed at a horse riding event. He was extremely helpful, in the right place at the right time and I was so happy that he was there. I didn't do well at the second event, but we went for a walk in the countryside afterwards and I forgot about doing so badly.