Cat76 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Hi all Wonder if you can help me. Boyf of a couple of months split up with me last weekend (also my birthday). We had a very intense couple of months and told each other we loved one 3 weeks ago. I'm ill and I suffer from depression and anxiety attacks which are improving and I am in recovery. He broke up with saying he thought he could cope with the illness but he can't. I should point out that he is also ill and I have offered nothing but 100% support. Anyway cutting long story short, he said he when he started seeing me he would judge my illness by it's merit (!) and see how things go, he realised he couldn't cope and he wanted out. I have a lot of unresolved anger and I want to get a few things of my chest to him, so I started a letter and wanted to know anybodies thoughts. I wil have to see him when I go back to college in a couple of weeks to sit exams, but at the moment we not in contact, although he said he wanted to stay in touch. Here it is...... "First of all this is not a ‘take me back’ or an ‘I can change’ letter. I just wanted to say that I agree with the decision and I believe it is the best thing for both of us. I would like to stay in touch, but right now I need space and time to get on with my life. As you said you were having doubts for a couple of weeks, so have got used to the decision, whereas I have only had a couple of days. It really saddens me that you weren’t able to open up about your doubts and worry’s when you first had them, maybe we could have talked them through, but you never gave us or me that opportunity. You told me that you loved me but I didn’t realise it was conditional and I was being judged from day 1. When I tell someone I love them, it’s because I mean it and it is unconditional. The really big thing I can’t get over is why you had sex with me at your parent’s house, knowing you had doubts. I know you said we were still trying, but I wasn’t, I thought everything was ok. I had no idea you were having doubts, you did and you still had sex with me. Plus the fact that we did it ‘bare back’ as you called it. Which was your first time without a condom (note - I am on the pill, by the way, so he knew I wouldn't get pregnant), and I think after the conversations we had about not wanting me to get pregnant and so on, a pretty big indication to me that you were committed. You have to understand that that was a very big signal to me that we were committed, which is why all that happened afterwards was a huge shock. I know blokes will accept sex any which way it is offered, but I still think it was cruel. As for the not being able to cope with my illness, you once told me a story about an ex who got upset with you because you fell asleep when she wanted to have sex. OK, so it might not be on the same scale in terms of invested emotion, but ask yourself, how did you feel that someone was upset by the restrictions of your illness, but that there was nothing you could do to control it? Now, multiply that by about a 100 and put yourself in my place, where there was a huge amount of me invested in us. You’re a very logical person (obviously being a scientist) and men in general I find always want to fix a problem or find a solution. I never asked you or wanted you to fix me. I have to fix myself. All I asked for was acceptance and support, in the same way I supported you. And whilst you can say that my mood swings were extreme, all I can say is that you have different issues that affected me too." Any advice greatly appreciated. C Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.