what do you think?

[ello]

I could use some good advice.

My boyfriend and I were together for about three years and moved in together quite soon. I am 24 and so is he.

About a year ago his parents split up due to his father having an affair (he is still with the woman) and things seemed to be really upsetting my bf I don't know if this has anything to do with our problem. At the same time I was very busy in my last year at University and most of my time was devoted to my schooling.

One day I came home from school, and I received a call from my bf saying that he had won a trip in a contest and asked me if I wanted to go. I told him that I didn't know because I was so busy in school, etc, and he told me he needed to know right then because the company needed to put names on the plane tickets.

This started an argument that got out of hand and I told him "fine I am not going" basically and that was the end of the conversation. He told me when he got home that he had put his brothers name on the ticket, and I was angry. He hadn't even really discussed it with me, and I felt that he should have put my name on anyway. (I probably shouldn't have)

Anyway, we were both acting really stupid, and we fought really bad until the day before the trip. He discussed this with his family and it made things worse. HIs mother said that he can't not take his brother, and went on to say rude things like he didn't know what love was, he is too young, etc, and that he needed counselling. I was furious at this point, I felt that this was really not thier business to discuss especially without me present, and the fighting got worse to the point I finally told him to lget out and take his things.

(this is a short version believe it or not.)

He ended up going and when he came back from his trip he came over and we talked. I felt terrible, and he said to me " I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." WE talked and decided to work things out, but he was acting strange.

A few days later he confessed to me that he has slept with someone else. It was really hard for me to deal with, but I had a hard time for awhile, and I moved out. This was about 8 months ago.

He says that there are no excuses for what he did and I know that he is having a hard time with his too. He says that he feels that he has never been this low his entire life, and this is something that he is totally against, and he doesn't really know why he did this except that it happened only once, and he felt like he was liked at a time when he felt no one did, and he says that he really thought we were over.

He has been trying to do everything he can to make it up to me for the last 8 months, and I have had other relationships before for long periods of time and I was never as happy as I was with him. He always treated me like a princess, and this was the only time he has ever caused me grief.

I am so confused. I am sure he has learned agreat leson from this, although I don't know if I can forgive and forget this. I know I acted terrible, and treated him badly as well. but I don't think that is an excuse (he says its not as well. ) What do I do! ilove him! sorry for such a long message. It may be missing some detail cause I am trying to keep it as short as possible, so you can ask any questions.Please help me!

[russia]

it's a pretty scary situation, where the sins of the father is visited on their children. unfortunately, it's pretty common too. some people can overcome this inherent weakness, others succumb.

 

i think your bf is not strong enough, so i would recommend terminating the relationship curtly. he probably saw betrayal in his father's affair, and thought he wouldn't EVER be like that, and then go out and do just that!

 

you are the one who is hurt by his betrayal. well, technically, he was free to have sex without someone else during the breakup period. but i think if he was really serious about you, he wouldn't have done that. he'd have resisted, came back and fought to regain your love. ah. what crap am i writing about? which man, when a free agent, wouldn't want to have sex with a willing woman? let's face it, he did it. now either accept it, and deal with it, or else forget all about it.