Not marriage? What else can I do to committ?

[mskc0511]

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 5 years and we have been together for over three. I am 19 and he is 21 and I know that we are too young to be married. I am in college and so is he. He doesnt want to get ingaged or anything like that but he promises that we will get married. He is my first love and I just want to be with him and know that we will be together forever. Our relationship is at a point where it is not really going anywhere. I dont think that getting married my be the best step but I dont know what else to do. I know that waiting is best but my heart tells me something different. I dont know of any alternatives. He is the love of my life and I would do anything for him. What can I do so that our committment is stronger but not being married.

[avman]

Well some couples exchange a "promise" ring. Its a much smaller version of an engagement ring and it can even be a zircon if money is tight. Lots of times they will throw a party with their friends and just say a few words to each other committing to the relationship. Its a simpler and less expensive way of showing your committment without getting married.

 

Is he in a fraternity by any chance? Many fraternity brothers have a ceremony with their girlfriends called pinning. Or a somewhat less serious one called a lavalier (not sure of the spelling anymore). It just moves the relationship to a new level and it gives you something tangible to show the committment (a ring, a pin, a lavalier).

 

Is that what you were looking for?

 

avman

[crookster_man]

I think you are confusing the institution of marriage with commitment and love. Marriage is merely a legal agreement between two people to bound themselves to each other, financially. This whole concept of marriage = loving commitment is a new phenomenon. As any divorced couple will tell you (and a lot of married people), Marriage doesn't necessarily = love and commitment.

 

If you want to expand your relationship with your boyfriend, I suggest that you look at ways to nurture and grow the relationship. Perhaps going out on adventures together? Maybe joining a class or a club together. Something to spice up and add diversity to your relationship.

 

Promising to marry each other is all good and well, but even marriage is no guarantee of a successful relationship. I suggest you focus on the now and in time if things work there way out, marriage might be in the picture. Good luck, keep us posted.

[Beec]

I like crookster_man's comments. While avman gives some very good suggestions if you want something symbolic, is a symbol what you are after. Marriage, engagement and ceremonies to promise to marry are symbols of committment. But they are not the committment. My point is to look at it from the perspective as to what happens after the promises, vows and ceremonies. Does the relationship just stall in space there, or does it grow with the two people? I think you need to work on it to make it grow and improve, but how you do that is very individual. You just need to do it together.