Writing To (Not) Reach Her

[civilservant]

I'm writing this to stop me sending this to her, so I think it's better that I post it where other people can read it:

 

You,

Once again you're shown your true colours, and I'm left wanting so much more. I should never have reconnected with you because I wasn't ready, I still need to be all that I can be and you're still eager to take everything and use it yourself. I know your dad is unwell, and that makes me sad for you, but I refuse to be the person you lean on again when both you and I know I want so much more.

It dosen't make me a lesser person for wanting to be a big part of your life, buts its important that I know that you can't do that, and that's ok. I still think about the time we spent together frequently, and can't help but wonder if it really was just for you. You make promises all the time, and it hurts that you seem to break them with as much frequency as you make them. I didn't ask for much, just for some consideration, and it hurts that you couldn't even give me that.

I've grown so much as a person in the last 3 months, and I really am not bitter in the slighest. All that I wamt to tell you is the truth and this is my truth. I don't want you to say you'll come out for a drink, because I don't want to see you. You were my world, I was your mushroom, that's the truth.

 

Goodbye.

Me

[soul_soother]

Well... Not exactly sure why you guys broke up, but it sounds like ...

Broken Promises

Couldn't Commit enough of her time to you

Wasn't ready for you

 

I'm going to be honest when I read this, it seems like your chastising her the entire time. I'm not sure if she's the girl that uses excuses for everything but, I know if my mother was ill I'd be there to take care of her... It is a responsibility that all children should keep. This letter sounds like your just trying to make her feel bad, like everything was her fault, and it may have been whats really the point? I can understand some hurtful emails if you were cheated on but... I really wouldn't send it because all that is going to happen if shes the kind of girl I think she is.. She'll just email you back saying more excuses and more promises and what not, just save yourself the trouble, and her more heart ache.

[civilservant]

Not at all mate not at all. In some respects I do want to chastise her, shake her and tell her how it should be. Things happened when she was younger that she never dealt with and it's affected every relationship she ever had. In that respect I feel sorry for her, and I know she wants to be there for her Dad, I want her to be there for him!

 

I've got no intention of sending this, that's why I posted it here.

[soul_soother]

Maybe you could send her a different letter saying the problems so that she can have a fulfilled relationship in her future? I mean some people go through life abusing left and right or don't realize how crazy they really are and just prey on unexpected singles lol.. Are you trying to NC or does it not really matter?

[Karmageddon]

I can tell how frustrated you are in this. Luckily you can vent to us huh!??

[civilservant]

Maybe you could send her a different letter saying the problems so that she can have a fulfilled relationship in her future? I mean some people go through life abusing left and right or don't realize how crazy they really are and just prey on unexpected singles lol.. Are you trying to NC or does it not really matter?

 

I was NC for 3 months, then she told me about her Dad (through a mutual friend, as my Gran died of the same thing) and I of course being a decent person was all too eager to give her the benefit of my experiance. Big mistake!

 

So at this point NC is a lost cause.

 

I can tell how frustrated you are in this. Luckily you can vent to us huh!??

 

Indeed, ENA is a god send!

[StillSmiling]

Funny .. it's about at the 3 month point that so many of us fail in NC ....

 

**Sigh***

 

Don't send anything until you have a bit of time to chill more. Keep posting here.

[civilservant]

I don't intend to send her anything, its past the point where she deserves anything from me.

 

I just needed to vent.

[itsallgrand]

I've grown so much as a person in the last 3 months, and I really am not bitter in the slighest. All that I wamt to tell you is the truth and this is my truth.

 

I really believe you in that and have been lucky enough to WATCH you grow through your posts here on ENA.

 

I also understand, just wanting truth and to have peace in one's life. I really feel for you on this post.

 

By the way, thanks for bringing up some good memories for me. I had forgotten how much I liked Travis.