calidreamin0 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 i think you may need to read my original post. and why are you being so mean? its people's opinions. you may think we are male bashing. BUT these are real events, real men, real women who got hurt, real feelings in the way, real life. i still dont think you understand the main issue. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 why are you being so mean? let me explain with an example... you come to ENA and explain your situation... say you slept with a guy and then he disappeared.... people here put you down right left and center and accuse you for doing some thing with expectations... for operating with hidden agenda... then you see some men coming here and explaining their situations.... and get overwhelming support, comfort, and female bashing in favor of the male... how would you feel?? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 ....you willingly spread your legs and then come and cry foul here.... that clearly shows that you did not sleep with him because you wanted to but only because you had a hidden agenda in your mind. that agenda was "if i am nice to him by sleeping with him he will give me a relationship".. and when that did not happen you became angry and bitter.... honestly you should send the man a gift card for teaching you that by being nice to a man you are not going to get anything in return.[/i] Why do you assume that a woman has a hidden agenda and because she sleeps with a guy?? Women tend to sleep with guys, on the whole and because they love them. This is a way, of showing we love them. The OP didn't sleep with this guy immediatley. It was some months later into the relationship and after she'd fallen heavily for this guy, that she slept with him. So I hardly think that her motive for sleeping with him, was to get a 'relationship' out of him, because she was already in a relationship with him.....DUHHH !!! Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 So I hardly think that her motive for sleeping with him, was to get a 'relationship' out of him, because she was already in a relationship with him.....DUHHH !!! exactly! geeze. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Why do you assume that a woman has a hidden agenda and because she sleeps with a guy?? Women tend to sleep with guys, on the whole and because they love them. This is a way, of showing we love them. The OP didn't sleep with this guy immediatley. It was some months later into the relationship and after she'd fallen heavily for this guy, that she slept with him. So I hardly think that her motive for sleeping with him, was to get a 'relationship' out of him, because she was already in a relationship with him.....DUHHH !!! I realize that.... As I have explained earlier it was my retaliation for all the posts assuming that men always have a hidden agenda when they do nice things to women.... Link to comment
Daegas Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Well no, that is not all.... Plenty of good looking guys out there....but not all have what it takes, to attract. My ex H wasn't that great looking...he attracted me and because he had a great sense of humour and other personality traits I like.... So nope, it aint always about the 'physical attraction. It has to be a mixture of all sorts Going the path of attraction is D_Lish's choice. Other people approach finding love differently. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Men are sexual predators and some just happened to constantly have a need/desire for sex and will go to any lengths to get it regardless of who they hurt along the way. Then of course there are the men that have the control and respect for both themselves and others when it comes to how they handle their sexual lives. quote of the day.....sometimes after you "have" the woman you are less willing to put up the dating courtesies Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Going the path of attraction is D_Lish's choice. Other people approach finding love differently. I have no clue what you are talking about.....please explain further...shucks Link to comment
Daegas Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I have no clue what you are talking about.....please explain further...shucks What I mean is that there are quite a few stories (this board & other boards)of best friends that had no attraction/chemistry between them; yet in the end it very slowly grew on them and they are very happily in a love relationship now. It varies when this grew (before/after dating, kissing, sleeping together). The didn't do this because of having attraction/chemistry, but because they already liked each other and already spent a lot of time together. Heck, I've heard of people that slept together to see if they can kickstart the attraction. And then there are also the marriages in which attraction/chemistry was never present, but they are based on the love you have for a close friend. Basically, there are an infinite number of possibilities out there. It is good to realize this because in our world handsome female TV-stars do marry ugly unknown humoristic guys (and stay married to them). But anyway, this discussion isn't meant for this thread. Sorry for taking over the thread calidreamin0. I really hope your vision of men hasn't become too pessimistic, because there really are great guys out here. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 So you were saying that I was saying, that is important to have a 'physical attraction' to be able to form a relationship?? Not so and that isn't what I'm saying....and if I thought that way, then why was I able to have a relationship and go on to marry, a man for whom I felt no instant attraction and who was not physically, my type???? hmm??? Yes, relationships are formed in all different ways and can arise from different circumstances. I've had relationships, where there was an instant attraction and with a complete stranger (my ex H) for whom there was no instant attraction, but the attraction grew because of personality and certain qualities he possessed that I liked. My latest relationship which I never would have expected to happen in a million years, with a guy from a totally different background to mine....diff culture and religion.....again, no instant attraction. He has qualities I fell for. Can't say I've ever formed a relationship or fallen in love with a guy who was a 'long term' friend though....never happened that way for me, but for a lot it likely has. And I've never had to kickstart a relationship, hoping feelings would grow by sleeping with someone....but hey.....it takes all sorts to make a world... Link to comment
Daegas Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 So you were saying that I was saying, that is important to have a 'physical attraction' to be able to form a relationship?? Not so and that isn't what I'm saying....and if I thought that way, then why was I able to have a relationship and go on to marry, a man for whom I felt no instant attraction and who was not physically, my type???? hmm??? You come over somewhat hostile; your boyfriend needs to spank you more. I am well capable of reading and I see that you state: "My ex H wasn't that great looking...he attracted me and because he had a great sense of humour and other personality traits I like....". I clearly stated "path of attraction" and didn't state "path of physical attraction" (where's a stick-tongue-out smiley when you need one). Can't say I've ever formed a relationship or fallen in love with a guy who was a 'long term' friend though....never happened that way for me, but for a lot it likely has. I remember one couple that stated that it took quite a lot of dates for them to warm up to each other, but this is a discussion on it's own. My latest relationship which I never would have expected to happen in a million years, with a guy from a totally different background to mine....diff culture and religion..... That's so sweet Link to comment
mca1975 Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 D Lish, you got your head screwed on girl! x Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted September 3, 2008 Author Share Posted September 3, 2008 he has been calling me. and wonders why i wont return his texts or calls. ohhh.... the irony!!!!! Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 To the original poster, sorry that this happened to you. But you are not the only one. It happened to my friend. She learned her lesson and told me what to say about the possibility of sex while dating "I don't want to get into it until I feel comfortable with the relationship." Dont say 2-3 months. The guy may trick you to believe that he is into you. Don't give him any idea of time, then you can see what he really is about. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I want you to know I really enjoyed reading this particular message. The same thing is happening with me right now...I actually posted something about needing advice with it...it's called "need help from both spectrums (men and women)" But basically I have been seeing this guy for 4 months about..i'm 22 he is 26 and everything was going so well and he was calling way more than any guy i have ever even met...He wanted to hang out all the time and yea we talked so much then one day it was just different. I mean we are still hanging out and stuff but for example...this last weekend (labor day) we had a great weekend we hung out both friday and saturday night. I had left something at his house and he was like "oh well you can just get it next time" as he gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye and then texted me a goodnight text when he got home. So then we didn't talk sunday, monday, or tuesday...and I sent him a text wed morning just seeing how the rest of his weekend was and NO response. It is so frustrating! What is so hard about a response? A text takes less than 2 min...I hope like your guy he starts talking to me again. I mean he is just going to stop talking to me after 4 months and a great weekend together? WHAT the hell? WHO does that? Sorry you guys...I am just so frustrated about this. Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 YEP... it is frustrating. SO frustrating. I think when guys do this...they are trying to pursue someone else. who knows... it makes no sense and its really disappointing, makes a girl not want to date. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 he has been calling me. and wonders why i wont return his texts or calls. ohhh.... the irony!!!!! So are you still ignoring? I sent my SO a text today and he never replied....called him, no reply... LMAO One thing is for sure...it will be a cold day in hell before I would call or text back again. If they want you, it aint hard work to pick up a phone. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 So are you still ignoring? I sent my SO a text today and he never replied....called him, no reply... LMAO One thing is for sure...it will be a cold day in hell before I would call or text back again. If they want you, it aint hard work to pick up a phone. You are SO right on. What is the problem seriously? Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted September 5, 2008 Author Share Posted September 5, 2008 i talked to him a little bit. but i was pretty stand-offish. he texted me earlier in the day and called to see why i didn't write back. haha. i guess he didn't like how it felt. and he wants to know why i haven't come to see HIM. i swear...guys sometimes...are just delusional!!! its frustrating as all hell. im beginning to think he is bipolar or split personality OR something to explain his erratic behavior. Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Share Posted September 12, 2008 he keeps wanting me to come see him? im just so frustrated. I told him, if he wants to see me he can come to me. we live about 40 miles apart. ive told him no to going to see him, this is right? right? i don't know if im just being stubborn or correct. I think he should come see me! ugh, dating is SO overrated! Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 he keeps wanting me to come see him? im just so frustrated. I told him, if he wants to see me he can come to me. we live about 40 miles apart. ive told him no to going to see him, this is right? right? i don't know if im just being stubborn or correct. I think he should come see me! ugh, dating is SO overrated! Well if I wasn't in anything exclusive with him, no I wouldn't waste my money and travel to see him. If he's that desperate to see you, let him come to you, which he would and will.... Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Share Posted September 12, 2008 THATS WHAT I THINK, if he wants to see me THAT bad as much as he says, he will come to me. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 THATS WHAT I THINK, if he wants to see me THAT bad as much as he says, he will come to me. Yes he will and instantly on his knees begging your forgiveness, a huge bunch of red roses in one hand .....oh and that diamond necklace you told him you liked in the other....LOL Wishful thinking eh.... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 He sounds like a guy who loves the thrill of the chase. Since you held off in the beginning he loved the fact that he had to woo you into bed. Once he got you there, the chase tapered off. Now he still would like to have sex, what guy wouldn't, but he wants YOU to come after him because his chasing is pretty much over now. I'd drop him. A guy who really likes you would NEVER expect you to drive 40 miles to see HIM. He would come to you or at least meet you halfway even if he had to borrow a car. Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Share Posted September 12, 2008 i totally agree. thats why i am not falling for this come see me bit. I offered to meet him at a park the other day that is a little more than half way towards me. and he didnt want to. He has a car. And money. He knows I don't have a job right now, so its pretty inconvenient for me to drive all that way and spend all that money. I told him im sick of driving that way, and if he wants to see me, he will have to COME TO ME. case closed. so we will see. im not giving in! Link to comment
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