D_Lish Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Some players do like to keep several steady girls on a string for variety. maybe see each one once every week or two, and their 'main' girlfriend 2 or 3 times a week... See what you mean. I've never encountered this kind of guy....not that I know of anyway and I would suspect I would know, if I had. The fact that a guy wasn't always available to me, would cause suspicion...and I wouldn't settle for a guy, who was only available when it suited him to be. But still, if a guy has no particular interest in a woman other than to have sex, I would imagine he soon gets bored and will change his 'game players'....replace them with different women over and over again. another variation of this is a guy who's married and has a mistress on the side. So he's 'steady' with both, but technically only in a 'real' relationship with one of them. Yeah, been involved with this one. I was the wife for 10 years. She wasn't his mistress for months/years however, which I'm assuming is what you are meaning about the above man, who will keep a mistress on the go for a long long time. She was just someone he met and six months prior to me finding out about her...so yeah, had experience with a married cheater.... I knew one player who always seemed to have a wife, one steady mistress, then a revolving cast of other women that he kept on the string, but didn't see more than once or twice month and used work and other excuses as the reason he wasn't available to each of them. his reason for doing this was he got bored easily (or so he said) and he liked all that excitement. Yeah, you do get guys and even two women aren't enough for them... Again, I've never been in a situation like this. the hardest ones to flush out are the ones who keep a relatively steady relationship going with several women. cell phones and text messages help with that, because they can sneak away from whomever they're with for a bit and text/call the other woman, but turn the phone off when they're with someone. and they don't have to give out their home numbers either. The most frequent excuse used for disappearing a lot is working or school... so they tell each women they are at work when they might actually be with another woman.[ One way to tell is that they have severe restrictions on their time, and can't usually spend huge blocks of time with any one woman, and many never stay overnight, or just see the woman once a week and not on weekends (if they're married and lying about it). Yeah and I guess their phone would be forever ringing/many text messages coming through, if they had many women on the go... They aren't always available....a gen guy is!! A sensible woman, would soon get wise to the guy who has many women on the go....know I would anyway. I guess no guy could ever play me. Im too clued up, am aware when things just aint right and so I would be always one step ahead... It's not hard to spot the gen, from those who are ungenuine. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Hmmm. although he sounds like a player, I'm doubting that a player would keep you in his life and date you and for months, before getting sex. Player's don't normally hang around that long do they? They don't pay a woman that much attention and if they don't get sex off her immediatley, they move onto the next woman. Maybe it's a case of, he just lost interest?? Well D'Lish, that is what I thought. I was seeing a guy (albeit he said he could not commit for various reasons, which was all a lie), for 7-8 months! He would go AWOL a lot, but I thought that he was developing feelings because he was kind of seeing me for a long while, but in the end it ended up that some girl called me quite angry asking why I was texting him, then he tried to text me a week later not even mentioning it! then he tried to call me/text me two weeks later but I just ignored it. Not heard from him for two weeks now, so it seems I was just a nice lookin girl he kept hanging for when he wanted to see me. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 He would go AWOL a lot, but I thought that he was developing feelings because he was kind of seeing me for a long while... Hon, I wouldn't imagine guys go AWOL if and because they are developing feelings. Guys who are developing feelings, normally want to spend 'more' time with a woman, not 'less'..... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 A guy who was disappearing on me a lot, would be a huge red flag... I'd disappear on him before he got chance to do it ever again. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 lesson learned...med are shaddy and flakey no matter what age! yes most men are shady and flakey.... you have to be careful not to let your guard down next time.... just being curious... you say that this guy is very attractive and can get whichever girl he wants... but still he came after you... which makes me think that you must be a stunning beauty.. is that right? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 A guy who was disappearing on me a lot, would be a huge red flag... I'd disappear on him before he got chance to do it ever again. Yep, wish I had but I was ever hopeful, foolish Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 lots of male bashing here.... not trying to be rude but lots of women will turn down a genuine guy that has real interest in them and selectively go for these type of men that want only one thing from them.. they don't like to admit it but that's the story usually.... and to say "i had no idea" is just plain BS.... women are intuitive creatures... they can easily tell if a guy likes them or not.... they can easily tell some thing is up if a guy is into them too much too soon.... i bet if this man had been a genuine nice guy and did the same thing the OP would have spurned him long time back.. forget about giving him sex LOL Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 lots of male bashing here.... I don't see any 'male bashing'... What I see, is an OP who has a problem and others are giving advice and sharing experiences, with the different types of men we have encountered. they don't like to admit it but that's the story usually.... and to say "i had no idea" is just plain BS.... women are intuitive creatures... they can easily tell if a guy likes them or not.... they can easily tell some thing is up if a guy is into them too much too soon.... i bet if this man had been a genuine nice guy and did the same thing the OP would have spurned him long time back.. forget about giving him sex LOL The guy did appear to be a 'nice guy' to begin with...and the OP fell for him. Months later he began acting shady.... We don't expect the 'nice guy' to go shady do we? Maybe we women should start and beware the 'nice guy' perhaps??? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Yep, wish I had but I was ever hopeful, foolish Never mind, we live and learn... I've been a mug in my time....but I soon got wise. There's no way on earth I'd tolerate now, what I used too. First sign he was a jerk and he wouldn't see me for dust. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I don't see any 'male bashing'... See below: lesson learned...med are shaddy and flakey no matter what age! Men are sexual predators yesh. men. but honestly, men are not what they used to be Oh crikey, yeah I know full what men can be like....had more than enough experience with them in my 32, nearly 33 years to know. and another thing.... if a nice guy came to ENA and said how he did nice things to a girl but she didn't want him he will be stamped on by each and everyone here... why? because he supposedly had an agenda in his mind and did those things expecting some thing in return... but a girl can come to ENA and say she slept with a guy but didn't get anything in return.... talk about gender discrimination in ENA Link to comment
mca1975 Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 well, maybe some of us are just angry at being hurt, but at the same time, we do understand that some men get hurt too. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I said, I know what men can be like because of MY own personal experiences with men.... And some of my experiences have not been good ones. and another thing.... if a nice guy came to ENA and said how he did nice things to a girl but she didn't want him he will be stamped on by each and everyone here... why? because he supposedly had an agenda in his mind and did those things expecting some thing in return... but a girl can come to ENA and say she slept with a guy but didn't get anything in return.... talk about gender discrimination in ENA Look hon, I'm with a 'nice guy' currently, or he appears to be a 'nice guy' anyway! I've never had a guy pay me as much attention, call me as much, etc, etc....and I'm flattered....and yeah, he means a lot to me. The fact he was 'nice', didn't put me off....so don't judge all females to be all the same. I've made no suggestions in this thread, that there is a 'motive' behind, guys being nice. If anything, I'd said that the OP's guy appears just to have lost interest....rather than have had a hidden motive from day one he met her. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 But it is a fact that a guy will take on the guise of 'nice guy' to get what he wants....that isn't 'male bashing'....it's a 'fact' and lots of women have had experiences with this kind of guy... And then there are 'genuine' nice guys... How do we spot the difference between the genuine nice guy and ungenuine nice guy and in the early days?? Often we can't. The ungenuine nice guy doesn't normally start to act shady, till it's too late and we have fallen for him!! Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 no, this wasn't meant to be male bashing. but the thing is, i never treat men this way. honestly i dont'. if i don't have an interest i just tell them. it doesn't matter if they are the 'nice' one's..if you don't have interest you just don't. i did think this one was genuine. i never had a guy call so much and care about what i wanted to do with him, etc. so thats why i figured he was a nice guy. i'm not gonna judge him on his looks (irony?) he put all his faults out on the table at the very beginning...his past, his future, etc. so i didn't think he would just be wanting sex and disclosing so much of himself. i 'thought' he was mature, and wouldn't be this kind of guy. because men usually don't do that. they are not gonna work hard for sex. at least in my experiences. if they realize they aren't getting any, they quickly move on.. and go for an easier target. so...yeah i am stumped... the one's you think are nice...end up not being nice after all? how am i supposed to sort out the bads from the goods? ALSO when he first asked for my number. he called the very next day. not many men do this... i thought it showed he was serious. if he wanted some cheap shot he would have texted me a week later or something. at least thats what i would think. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 How do we spot the difference between the genuine nice guy and ungenuine nice guy and in the early days?? Often we can't. Oh its so easy... the guy you choose to date and sleep with is the ungenuine nice guy the guy you reject or friendzone is the genuine nice guy Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Oh its so easy... the guy you choose to date and sleep with is the ungenuine nice guy the guy you reject or friendzone is the genuine nice guy Errr no actually. The guy I am currently in a relationship with, is a 'nice guy'....and I hope he remains that way. The guy I reject, is the guy Im not physically attracted too/the guy who has no traits, qualities, that Im attracted too...in short, NO CHEMISTRY. Not cuz he's 'nice'..... *sighs*..... Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Errr no actually. The guy I am currently in a relationship with, is a 'nice guy'....and I hope he remains that way. The guy I reject, is the guy Im not physically attracted too/the guy who has no traits, qualities, that Im attracted too...in short, NO CHEMISTRY. Not cuz he's 'nice'..... *sighs*..... fine...if it heavily depends on physical attraction then why in the world do women frustrate men by repeatedly lamenting "i want a nice guy" "where are all the nice guys?" ????? because nice or not really does not matter........ the only thing that matters is physical attraction... Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 i agree with DLish, we dont reject guys cause they are nice one's. heck no. and we don't accept guys cause they are mean as hell either. the issue is, when you accept a nice one...and they turn into a mean one. bait and switch. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 fine...if it heavily depends on physical attraction then why in the world do women frustrate men by repeatedly lamenting "i want a nice guy" "where are all the nice guys?" ????? because nice or not really does not matter........ the only thing that matters is physical attraction... Well no, that is not all.... Plenty of good looking guys out there....but not all have what it takes, to attract. My ex H wasn't that great looking...he attracted me and because he had a great sense of humour and other personality traits I like.... So nope, it aint always about the 'physical attraction. It has to be a mixture of all sorts Link to comment
D_Lish Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 i agree with DLish, we dont reject guys cause they are nice one's. heck no. and we don't accept guys cause they are mean as hell either. the issue is, when you accept a nice one...and they turn into a mean one. bait and switch. He just doesn't appear to get it and nothings sinking in..... *sighs* Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 i agree with DLish, we dont reject guys cause they are nice one's. heck no. and we don't accept guys cause they are mean as hell either. the issue is, when you accept a nice one...and they turn into a mean one. bait and switch. i had a specific advice for you in my thread but you are not answering that... here it is.... answer the question: here my question is very simple -> girl dates a guy.. sleeps with him... guy disappears. now if she comes here and says he just disappeared and that's wrong then it is totally fine... but she comes here and says he disappeared after having sex. why is the issue of sex being mentioned? did he rape you? did he trick you by putting some thing in your drinks? you willingly spread your legs and then come and cry foul here.... that clearly shows that you did not sleep with him because you wanted to but only because you had a hidden agenda in your mind. that agenda was "if i am nice to him by sleeping with him he will give me a relationship".. and when that did not happen you became angry and bitter.... honestly you should send the man a gift card for teaching you that by being nice to a man you are not going to get anything in return. Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 i didnt feel used because of the sex. i felt used because i went out of my way for him for favor for his relative. if someone includes me in their life like that, and then doesn't call...thats just being used. i've had enough experience to realize when sex is sex. this time, i didn't think it was at all.im not asking why didnt he call after we slept together.... ...no...im asking why didn't he call after we have been seeing each other and he actually 'let me into his life'. and i did read your thread, but it just sounded pretty arrogant. message boards aren't to bash people, they are to help people. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 i didnt feel used because of the sex. i felt used because i went out of my way for him for favor for his relative. if someone includes me in their life like that, and then doesn't call...thats just being used. i've had enough experience to realize when sex is sex. this time, i didn't think it was at all.im not asking why didnt he call after we slept together.... ...no...im asking why didn't he call after we have been seeing each other and he actually 'let me into his life'. then why did you mention about sex? to get sympathy? if yes then you did the right thing.... because it certainly works... ENA women will bash and rubbish the guy that sleeps with a woman and then disappears... Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 not for sympathy at all. im a grown woman. i mentioned it to see if that played a part in him not calling me.. that i maybe didn't see before. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 not for sympathy at all. im a grown woman. i mentioned it to see if that played a part in him not calling me.. that i maybe didn't see before. don't hide your tracks.... you had one woman after another join the man bashing brigade and now you want to play second fiddle? Link to comment
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