he stopped calling?

[calidreamin0]

ok so i was dating this guy for a few months. and things seemed really well. he seemed REALLY interested in me. he called me probably at least once a day and texted me constantly. i was almost stand offish at how interested he seemed to be.

 

i told him im not into booty calls/ casual sex. im just past that stage, and am not interested. if THATS what he is interested in. he assured me 'no', you are a woman i have always wanted to be with.

 

well we had sex and then he kinda called a little less. this is where i got suspicious. well a few days later we had sex again. and then the day after i did this favor for one of his young family members. WELL he says 'thanks so much, i will call you before i go to work tonight and do you wanna go to dinner on sunday'. i said sure.

 

well...HE NEVER CALLED.

 

around wed i send him a casual text message. and responds as if nothing is to be concerned about! i am so irritated. i dont understand this man. he was like WAY into me. talking to me about his life, fears, blah blah. and then to all of a sudden STOP? why go through all that work and for nothing.

 

i just feel so used. its not really the sex part, but more of me going out of my way for him...and him NOT EVEN CALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

and this man is...35... i thought older men would somewhat be more mature?

 

i have assumed he has either, found someone else, wanted just booty, OR is just selfish and wants a woman who will be in a 100/0 relationship. which...is not me. this guy is attractive, very attractive... i almost think he doesn't like the fact that im not worshiping the ground he walks on. i dont know.

 

i just dont know why he didnt even call after i did a favor for HIS family member, he could have at least given a reason whether it be BS or not, but SOMETHING as to why he is a flake. that part just really bothered me, and its been a week, and still does!

 

lesson learned...med are shaddy and flakey no matter what age! :sad:

[sushi_pompom]

It sounds like he played you just to get some...Some guys are jerks. You deserve so much better then that. Just try to learn from this and move on. Maybe hold out on sex until you are certain of his intentions for you.

[calidreamin0]

that was thing... i did hold out for awhile. i dont know. it was so strange to me i guess.

 

if he wanted JUST sex...then he could have said JUST SEX? you know. we are adults...games are over. and this guy,

could probably have sex with whomever he wants. i know he wouldnt go through all that work of calling me all the time

when he can just get it wherever.

 

he even talked about going on holidays, etc. and i even met his dad. i have had sex only guys...and family, commitment, holiday, anything relationship related was NEVER mentioned or thought about.

 

which makes me think he met someone else.

 

its just bizare...this guy is a hard read...to hard for me to read...its time i move on!

[sushi_pompom]

That's really strange. Most guys who are just after sex won't wait around and pretend to like some one to get it. Maybe he got scared because he has strong feelings for you and doesn't know how to deal?

[Frenchie23]

He's used you. He wanted sex, he told you some other stuff that he thought you wanted to hear so that he could go to bed with you. And then he got what he wanted, and that was it. A guy who doesn't call a woman is not interested. He sounds like a jerk -- but please, don't lose heart and think that all men are like that.

 

About the age thing: being older doesn't mean that he person is going to be more mature. I've known some incredibly mature people who were 16 and some incredibly stupid people who were 50.

 

I hope you get the love you deserve in your life, and I feel bad that this person has used you like that. Hopefully it will make you stronger and not bitter.

 

All the best.

[Daegas]

that was thing... i did hold out for awhile. i dont know. it was so strange to me i guess.

 

if he wanted JUST sex...then he could have said JUST SEX? you know. we are adults...games are over. and this guy,

could probably have sex with whomever he wants. i know he wouldnt go through all that work of calling me all the time

when he can just get it wherever.

 

he even talked about going on holidays, etc. and i even met his dad. i have had sex only guys...and family, commitment, holiday, anything relationship related was NEVER mentioned or thought about.

 

which makes me think he met someone else.

 

its just bizare...this guy is a hard read...to hard for me to read...its time i move on!

In what way is he so darn attractive? Just curious....

 

Some people NEED to feel good about themselves and create a fake relationship. They even linger around a little after sex to make it more plausible to themselves & others. Then they usually breakup with a "it isn't working for me" routine. Kinda sad to pull off at his age tough.

 

And that is the problem, he just doesn't seem to care at all, he can't be bothered to even make such a call. So either he can't get other woman as easilly into bed so that he had to deal with you.

[ghost69]

just don't let this guy blow it for the rest of us. aight?

[bebeblondie]

Well, I had a similar situation happen to me, however I did not have sex with him….the guy seemed pretty into me we met back in mid July stopped talking for about a week and then started up again (I posted about him here in a previous post) we had went out twice after we started talking again, and then last Wednesday he texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out on Friday, I said sure, Thursday he texted me and said he was a ballgame and that he should be out of there by 10 and asked if that was too late to call, I said that’s fine and I never heard from him again until last night. He texted me last night begging me not to think he’s a * * * * or anything but that he’s had a crazy summer (not sure what that means) and that he would still like to hang out and he knows that I’m looking for some “consistency” but he can’t at this time, not until summer is over. I didn’t answer him because at this point he pretty much seems to be playing me for a fool, which believe me I am not!

[george237]

He probably just lost interest. Just because you had sex doesn't mean he owe's you a relationship. Go find somebody better

[calidreamin0]

yeah he is very confusing. i was already up front with him about the sex thing and his intentions. if he had just said 'i want sex'...then maybe i would have been ok with that...i dont really know.

 

but he was super consistent, and called me all the time. he is a body builder, so he is attractive and could essentially get what he wants. and he was really interested in what i do for a living, and where i've been,etc. i KNOW he is busy and in training for a competition, BUT i just dont think that is any excuse. its not hard to send a text or call real quick to say your busy, its just not. i have been with men for just sex, and they have never gone out of their way to know anything about me.

 

and no, i do not think he owes me a relationship. BUT if i got out of my way for him, the least he could do is CALL to say thanks, or say he is busy or whatnot.

 

he's very confusing. i think he must have some woman issues. i know he is not close with his mom. and it seems he has been blown off by woman in the past. i think he is the type that punishes women in his future relationships for things that previous women have done to him. i already told him im not one of those girls, and will not be treated like one.

 

i haven't had any contact with him for at least three days. im just not gonna try, if he wants to call, he will. if not, whatever. just kinda surprised me. how ARE women supposed to believe REAL men after dealing with someone like this???

 

and OKAY 35.. i did expect better!

[mca1975]

Hi, in my experience, or I'm slowly learning, is that men tell you what you want to hear. I doubt very much that you would have been ok with him just saying he wanted sex, even tho you can say in hindsight that you would have been ok with that now, but I doubt it. We have morals, and I dont mean that women who do have sex without any commitment dont have morals.

 

A lot of men do jus want sex, it is at the fore front of their mind most of the time, but they almost talk THEMSELVES into the fact that thats not all they want, like they really believe it themselves. They make us believe they really like us. When we won't give sex, they actually quite like it, because it creates this big challenge for them, like a game, and they love playing it.

 

Also I'm learning that the more full-on a guy is at first, with lots of texting and saying heartfelt things too soon (like straight-away), the more likely he is to be full of BS. It's always happened that way with me anyway, anyone agree? Please do not hesitate to PM me.

 

To the OP, you deserve better, I can tell you are feeling quite hurt and used, which I have been quite recently too. You won't care soon, hope that is quick for you.... but I tell you want, cut him off and he'll regret it and come crawling back like my one did, but by the time he does, you wont care (which also feels good!)

[ConfusedDater]

there is no such thing as "maturity" in the world of dating. I know, it sucks

[mca1975]

tell me about it girl, how are we meant to know the real from the chaffe?!

 

he sounds like a pratt, cut him off, that will teach him.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

There are some very experienced womanizers who play a numbers game. He may have a lot of women on speeddial that he is trying to score with, and lays this 'you're so special' line on all of them. He's willing to toy with you for a few months to get to the score, but once he scores, he looking to score the next one.

 

It is a womanizer strategy to put on the pressure really hard and fast in the beginning, including lots of 'future talk' like what you're going to do at Xmas etc., what your first child's name might be etc. They are trying to say the things they know women want to hear ('you're permanent! you're special') in order to close the deal. Once the deal is closed, they start to backpeddle because they never meant those things to begin with as it was just manipulation to get you into bed and their goal has been met.

 

Guys who are seriously looking for a partner are usually more tentative, becuase they don't want to lead anyone else on and get too involved if they are not going to stick around. Womanizers don't care because their goal is to score, and once that happens, they drop the charade and make themselves scarce.

[calidreamin0]

yesh. men.

 

yeah i think he just might be a good liar. he had said at one time that he would not want to lead me on because i dont seem like that kind of girl.

 

total BS apparently!

 

yeah, im not going to try to contact him anymore. he can call me if he wants to discuss things. it just seems like such a waste of my time and his? why would he waste all that time? does he not have anything better to do?

 

its hard because guys who talk about the future you think are being genuine, and guys who don't you can think they aren't serious. but how are we supposed to know when the lines blend???

 

geeeze dating is rough!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I definitely don't think it is all men, just players who act this way.

 

As they say, the proof is in the pudding. If a guy is really slick, sometimes you just don't know what he's really about until after you sleep with him.

 

But for guys who are super goodlooking and vain, and very flirtatious, it is best to go slow and be cautious. If he's a bodybuilder, he is vain, and probably gets away with a lot of bad behavior because of his looks.

[calidreamin0]

i totally agree. maybe he doesn't know how to deal with me, cause im not crawling at his feet and putting up with the BS.

 

but wow...35? i dont know. seems crazy he would still being playing the game after alllll these years!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Players will play these games until the can't get it up anymore (and then there's Viagra).

 

Most players eventually have multiple divorces because they can't stop the game even when they marry a girl who really is special to them.

 

I know a couple players in their late 40s and 50s who are still doing it. Their style is a bit different, but they still can't stay faithful to anybody, and are always on the lookout to score a new girl.

[D_Lish]

Hmmm. although he sounds like a player, I'm doubting that a player would keep you in his life and date you and for months, before getting sex.

 

Player's don't normally hang around that long do they? They don't pay a woman that much attention and if they don't get sex off her immediatley, they move onto the next woman.

 

Maybe it's a case of, he just lost interest??

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Actually, I had a player chase me for 10 *years*. It's about the game and winning. He liked a challenge.

 

But of course he was always chasing other women too...

[Batya33]

I would be careful about telling men "I want more than a booty call" - that sounds cynical and like you've allowed yourself to be a booty call in the past even though you didn't want to (as opposed to "I used to enjoy casual sex, now I don't anymore) - a man (or woman) doesn't want to hear that the person they're pursuing feels used and like damaged goods from prior dealings with others. Obviously there are exceptions for true victims - of course if you want to get close to someone you need to share those parts of your life eventually.

 

What I have said is "I am looking for a relationship" - that is sufficient to convey the message that even if you do have sex early on, your goal is to have a relationship ( and of course it's more consistent to establish exclusivity prior to sex)

 

How I knew the difference -watched the feet not the lips - what he did not what he said. I didn't have sex early on, and not until we were already exclusive with a discussion about serious long term potential and actions to back that up. Usually I waited 2-5 months, not because I wanted to 'test" but because I didn't desire casual sex or sex before we loved each other in the action sense, not just words. I am 42, dated a whole lot, had a small number of partners, encountered men who just wanted a fling, and never ended up feeling used or cynical about men.

[D_Lish]

Actually, I had a player chase me for 10 *years*. It's about the game and winning. He liked a challenge.

 

But of course he was always chasing other women too...

 

Were you involved with him for 10 years? Or did he just chase you for that length of time?

 

You don't and wouldn't expect that they were merely playing, after that length of time. And to chase someone for that length of time, well there must have been an 'intense' attraction on his part.

[calidreamin0]

maybe there is just different games people play. and this is just a new lesson and a new game for me.

 

yeah i dont understand why he would keep me in his life that long either. seems silly. we had been alone, in bedrooms, before sex. so he knew i just wasn't in it for the sex. and he had even asked ME before that he thought i just wanted sex... when he wants more. this is what he claimed anyways. like i said... this guy is a HARD READ!

 

i amend you for not being cynical towards men. but honestly, men are not what they used to be. the things my parents think i should expect from a man because of what they were used to when they were dating, and the things men will actually do nowadays is completely different.

[D_Lish]

maybe there is just different games people play. and this is just a new lesson and a new game for me.

 

yeah i dont understand why he would keep me in his life that long either. seems silly. we had been alone, in bedrooms, before sex. so he knew i just wasn't in it for the sex. and he had even asked ME before that he thought i just wanted sex... when he wants more. this is what he claimed anyways. like i said... this guy is a HARD READ!

 

i amend you for not being cynical towards men. but honestly, men are not what they used to be. the things my parents think i should expect from a man because of what they were used to when they were dating, and the things men will actually do nowadays is completely different.

 

Oh crikey, yeah I know full what men can be like....had more than enough experience with them in my 32, nearly 33 years to know.

 

I know when men are merely just wanting sex/and or, when there is a genuine interest....

 

And you wouldn't expect that a guy had just been 'playing' or merely been using you for sex, when he has dated you, taken you out, introduced you to friends and family and he spends lots of time in your company and especially if this an involvement that has gone on over a period of months....

Never been this way for me anyway.

If I am in a relationship like the above I describe, ...and a guy was suddenly backing off, not calling me as much, etc...I'd assume he was losing interest in me, which can and does happen a lot in relationships. I wouldn't just assume he'd been 'playing', or using me for sex.

 

Guys who use for sex, won't and don't hang around for very long, not in my experience anyway. They are usually after a 'one night stand' or you will get guys who will hang around for a while, but you only see them when they are wanting sex...you don't see them otherwise and they certainly don't make you a huge part of their lives.

 

However, you also get guys who will prey on women. Who will meet a woman and tell her everything he thinks she wants to hear to get her into bed, wine and dine her a few times perhaps. But again, this type of guy normally vanishes, shortly after he gets what he wants also. He doesn't hang around and especially not for months consistently...

 

End of the day it isn't hard to tell if a guy is really into you or whether he's just using you. ...

 

You never have to second guess, with a genuine guy.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Some players do like to keep several steady girls on a string for variety. maybe see each one once every week or two, and their 'main' girlfriend 2 or 3 times a week...

 

another variation of this is a guy who's married and has a mistress on the side. So he's 'steady' with both, but technically only in a 'real' relationship with one of them.

 

i knew one player who always seemed to have a wife, one steady mistress, then a revolving cast of other women that he kept on the string, but didn't see more than once or twice month and used work and other excuses as the reason he wasn't available to each of them.

 

his reason for doing this was he got bored easily (or so he said) and he liked all that excitement.

 

the hardest ones to flush out are the ones who keep a relatively steady relationship going with several women. cell phones and text messages help with that, because they can sneak away from whomever they're with for a bit and text/call the other woman, but turn the phone off when they're with someone. and they don't have to give out their home numbers either.

 

The most frequent excuse used for disappearing a lot is working or school... so they tell each women they are at work when they might actually be with another woman.

 

One way to tell is that they have severe restrictions on their time, and can't usually spend huge blocks of time with any one woman, and many never stay overnight, or just see the woman once a week and not on weekends (if they're married and lying about it).