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girl still makes herself unavailable


vAnQuisH
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Ugh... its been 3 weeks since this girl broke up w/ her bf and she still does not want to talk to me, she hardly says anything to me online, doesnt seem to answer the phone, and doesn't really say anything to me in class (she transferred into one of my classes, she sits accross from me and talks w/ all her friends). She does seem happy however, but still makes herself unavailable. I talked to her once after class, she did keep direct eye contact w/ me but we talked for like 30 seconds then she had to go so we just went to class. Also today I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was talking to her x-bf. For like all of today she completely ignored me, and its really pissing me off. I keep thinking about it and its depressing me like crazy and im gettin all jealous, and I hate being depressed. Valentines day is this friday > .. should i give her flowers or something?? Or is it too early? If she's still upset I really want to make her feel better.. but what if shes not and shes ignoring me on purpose. Is that possible?

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What was your relationship with this girl prior to her ex bf?? Were you friends? Did you have a mutual interest in eachother? That may have an efect on her behavior. In any case. it sounds like she is making herself unavailable because she is not yet ready for another relationshi, especially if she and her ex are still talking. She may know that you have an interest in her and that is why she is being distant, only to avoid an awkward position. If you talk to her on a regular basis, or used to, I would suggest telling her that you are there for her as her friend if she ever needs you. I don't know if sending her flowers on vday is the best idea, only taking into consideration what her current behavior is. If you really want to give her something, maybe a card would be nice, but with nothing more inside of it other than, "I thought this would make you smile" or something friendly telling her that you care, but not making her feel pressured. I hope this helped and I hope things work out.

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Hi Vanquish,

 

Thank you for keeping us updated about your situation. I am not sure if you are going to like what I am going to reply to this posting, but it really is my two cents worth.

 

I remember your posting earlier and to be sure I have re-read it, too. I also replied to your posting that you could not force her to love you or even to be interested in you. If she says that she's still talking to her b/f then she must still have some feelings for him and/or is trying to start a healing process, which usually also take some time.

 

 

I also explained to you that if things would really get very hard for you, that it might be better to go your separate ways. Now from what I read here is that you are trying a WHOLE lot to be with her, however that you are not succeeding really. In fact it leads you to depression. Vanquish, it's really not worth it to go into a depression, because of a young woman you really want to be with. I am sure she is the bomb and she is all that to you, but it looks like that, at least in the short term, it is not meant to happen.

 

My advice is to go your separate ways now. Be just a friend to her. A v-day card like mermayd suggested will do great, but really, I don't think you can do more right now.

 

I hope this was of help to you. I am sorry that this might not be something you wanted to hear, but honesty prevails at all time and I just wanted to be honest with you. Good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

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You see.. I don't really have enough information right now to make any decisions about his girl, so im just going to wait it out; talk to her occasionally, just to make sure she knows im there for her and i will always like her. However i am going to keep my options open, if i find someone i like better than her, then i'll forget about her. Here's the catch though: I've been trying to do that for the past 2 years.

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