Mommy_Kitty_1985 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I need some sound advice to tell me whether I'm being paranoid or whether my suspicions are justified. My boyfriend and I have been together since february 2006. He and his wife were separated in march 2005 with no intent to reconcile (in fact, the ex wife had instantly gotten with another guy she had been seeing before she had left my boyfriend). In NC, you have to be separated for 1 year and 1 day before you can file for divorce. Anyway, a few months after we started dating they were officially allowed to become divorced. Well he's a procrastinator and didn't have the funds at the time. Towards the end of the year, he and I were serious and he was talking marriage. I of course brought up the fact that he needed to be divorced in order to do that, I even said we'll get a jar called the divorce jar and he could put away money each 2 weeks when he got paid, so he would have the cash. Soon he was making decent money and allowed to withdraw up to $500 out of his state union bank card before being paid, and since his lawyer charges $500 for divorce, he said that he went ahead and paid him. I never had any reason to think otherwise. A few months went by, it turned into 2007, and still, nothing from his lawyer. THEN, his soon-to-be-ex wife showed up one morning and started banging on our door. My bf refused to answer the door and I started questioning why he wouldn't just open the door and tell her to leave. She kept banging on the door, I got fed up and said I was going to go answer the door and talk to her. I figured there was a reason she was here, and maybe she wanted to fight with me, or something. I went to the bathroom to put on some pants and instantly, my boyfriend rushed out of the front door and started yelling at her to leave and trying to cut her off. I went outside and he was yelling at her to talk to his lawyer. He rushed me inside and she peeled rubber out of here. I asked him what was going on, he told me that she had received the divorce papers and she wanted to ask a question about it, so he told her to speak with his lawyer. I just found it really odd that he refused to answer the door but the second I intend on going out there, he rushes out there before I get the chance to, and cuts his wife off Fast forward another few months, I have become pregnant and I told my BF he really, REALLY needs to tell his lawyer to get a move on the divorce. I just found it odd because in NC, divorces can be quite simple at times, file the papers, the other party signs it, then it's done! Even if she didn't sign the papers, there was nothing she could do about it. So one day my boyfriend comes home from work and said that his lawyer contacted him and told him not to worry anymore, the divorce was done! Good, right? Well fast forward to the end of 2007, I was huge and pregnant, and one day his ex-wife shows up again while I was in the shower. My boyfriend comes into the bathroom to tell me that his ex-wife was just up here, bringing bags of baby clothes for us (she had a baby with her fiancee 6 months prior, which we heard about from my bf's mother) and my boyfriend said he told her to leave, to get the ---- out of here, slammed the door in her face, and that she knocked on the door again wanting him to talk to her, and that he sent her along her way. We had moved since the last 'visit', and he called his mother who informed him that SHE gave her our address, which we didn't understand because his mother HATED his ex-wife. But, she also hates me, so. I was furious, I thought his ex wife was trying to interfere with our relationship. I thought, they're divorced, why the hell is she trying to butt into our lives? They separated quite maliciously, had a nasty custody battle in which my boyfriend's mother was given temporary custody, and she had no reason to be there. At the end of January, 2008 now, I had our son. My bf's mother, who is a holy terror, kept trying to interfere in our relationship as she did with my bf's marriage, and kept trying to take over OUR child and I put my foot down. She came over under the presumption that she wanted to make things right, but instead accused me of a bunch of different things, such as getting pregnant just to have a place to stay, and alienating my bf from everyone, and etc etc etc. So we told her to leave, and as she was leaving I asked her why did she give my bf's ex-wife our new address, just to start trouble between us, and she threw in our face, "well SHE'S his wife and you need to GET OVER IT! YOU'RE NOTHING!" My Bf was sputtering and screaming at her about how he was divorced. If she knew this, why did she never tell me and let her grandson be born into another's marriage???? Anyway, after she left I told my BF if there was something he was keeping from me, he'd better tell me RIGHT NOW or he'd be alone and facing child support. He kept denying any knowledge of what she was talking about, and said she was just trying to start trouble. Well, THREE DAYS LATER, as I'm sitting home alone with my son, I hear a knock at the door. I open the door and it's my bf's EX WIFE! She said, "hi, is (bf's name) home? I need to speak with him." I was like, ' * * * are you doing here? You need to leave!" And tried to shut the door in her face, but she snatched it before I could and said, 'EXCUSE ME, I am here because I WANT MY DAMN DIVORCE!!!" I said, "you ARE divorced, didn't you get the papers? You've been divorced for a year!" She said, "no, there hasn't been anything filed, we are NOT divorced, and (bf's name) acts like he doesn't WANT to be divorced." I felt like... I needed to sit down... but I told her to hold on, got a cigarette, joined her outside, and apologized for being nasty. I told her I thought she was here to cause trouble. And so, she and I spoke for 3 hours and she explained to me that the reason why she came was to get her divorce, she and her fiancee were ready to get married, and she also wanted to speak with my bf about gaining joint custody of their daughter and getting her back from his mother. Because of their inability to communicate and my bf's mother's meddling and controlling, it had been kept out of court for the past 3 years. sinc So I told her that I would help her and my bf sit down and communicate, and I'd do everything in my power to help resolve this situation. She said she's tried several times to talk to him about it and he would just walk away and tell her "I don't have time to talk about this right now." She told me that when she came up to the house those two times, it was not to start trouble, it was to talk about getting a divorce! How interesting since he claimed that she was saying she received the divorce papers that first time she came over! She could'n't have received anything, or they would have been divorced and she wouldn't have been at the house trying to talk to him about getting a divorce! She and her boyfriend thought that he apparently didn't want to be divorced and her boyfriend thought that my boyfriend was waiting for her to come back to him or something. Anyway, I told her I would talk to him and help her out. She left, and when my Bf came home, I told him I knew he wasn't divorced. He started claiming that he WAS, that his lawyer told him he was, and then that's when I told him about how his WIFE came over earlier that day and she and I spoke for several hours! I told him he must have been lying about her saying she received the papers when she first had come over to the old place we had lived in, because she told me she was trying to talk to him about getting the divorce done and he just cut her off and started yelling at her to talk to his lawyer! He said "well, I thought that is what she said", and blah blah. EIther he did think that is why she was there, or he was covering for himself, because he was scared he was going to be found out, that he didn't pay his lawyer anything for any divorce. ANyway I told him, "she doesn't want you! She wants to get divorced and marry her boyfriend." Anyway he has claimed all of this time that he paid the lawyer. When he and his wife and I went to court so they could finally get this divorce done, he had to talk to his lawyer about withdrawing from the custody case and etc, since the man wasn't doing his job properly. he claims that he talked to the lawyer about why the divorce wasn't done, and he claims the lawyer said, "I thought it was taken care of." Um hello, don't you think the lawyer would have known? Anyway, I didn't HEAR that conversation but I thought my BF was being honest. Why would he not want to divorce her when he and I have been together for so long and have had a child together? Anyhow, since she filed the papers to divorce him, there was nothing he could do, they were divorced. Anyhow a few months have passed since then, and then my boyfriend finally went to his lawyer's office to get back the rest of his money for the custody thing. I said, um, you need your divorce money back, since you say you paid him! We had bought a tape recorder to catch his lawyer on tape talking about the custody thing, so I was like, hmm, okay, then you can also get on tape the proof that you did pay him, and this situation will be cleared up. He started acting weird and stuff and started walking away with the recorder in his pocket, and I was like "well, let me see it, I want to make sure the record button is pressed!" He looked annoyed and eventually came over to me, and surprise surprise, the recorderer was OFF. I was like, now I KNOW you're covering something up. He claimed that he thought the recorder button was in the middle, which is odd because he was just playing with the recorder the other day and he knew how to work it (he's an electronics geek!) He kept claiming that I'm being paranoid and that I would see, once his lawyer admitted he had paid him. I said 'but what if your lawyer says you didn't, right on tape? Then what can you say? Then you'd have to admit you were lying to me and come up with a DAMN good reason as to why you didn't want to get divorced!" he said, "I paid him!!!" This time I took the damn thing and pressed the record button, and stuck it in his pocket, right before he went into the office. Anyway to make this long story short, he came out, I listened to the tape. He managed to get the lawyer on tape talking about how he kept the custody out of court, which was our primary goal. But, my BF also was asking him about getting his divorce money back as well... but the way he worded it was odd. He said "well, I'm divorced now and I don't know if you remember but I had came in and paid for it and nothing was ever done." Okay one, why would he say it in such a manner when he claims that a couple of months ago, when he and his ex wife went to court to get the divorce, he had to speak to his now ex lawyer and he claimed his ex lawyer told him he thought the divorce was done? Discrepancy number 1. His ex lawyer said, "I don't recall that, I don't recall that at all." My bf kept trying to ask the man about paying him for the divorce and the man got angry and was like, "If you want to argue about it, then I won't give you any money at all. I don't recall you paying ANYTHING for ANY divorce." My BF kept insisting, (desperately), like "well I did pay you, I know you're a busy man and all and that you might forget things...." The man said, "well, I don't recall that, I'm going to check with the secretary." My BF said, "Yeah I asked your secretary if she remembers me paying you for the divorce and she said yes." The secretary cut in with a bit of an attitude, like, "Um, I remember you paying me some money, I don't remember it being about a divorce." (BF had a traffic ticket that his lawyer covered so that's what she probably remembers him paying her for!) My BF kept insisting over and over again like an idiot, that he paid them, and his lawyer was getting angrier and angrier and saying "I don't recall that, AT ALL, now take your money and go! You got what you wanted, now go." The lawyer was acting as if my BF was trying to con him out of money. THe lawyer seemed to generally think my BF was trying to scheme him. Anyway, if he had paid his lawyer the money, the lawyer would have given it back. he gave him back some of his money from the custody case that he didn't fully finish, so why would he not give him the divorce money back if he paid it? BF was trying to act like his lawyer was just lying so he didn't have to pay him, but I'm like, uhhh, you said you just talked to him about the divorce the other month, you were acting funny about it to start with, and then on tape when you ask the man about it, you word it in a way that shows you never even asked the man about it the last time you saw him... that's because YOU KNOW you're lying. I asked, 'why did you want to stay married to her? Did you think she was coming back to you one day?" He kept denying it over and over again and started getting an attitude about it as well. That's the thing, he will never admit to ANYTHING. It's like, hello, it's on TAPE and you're STILL DENYING IT. Okay, readers, what is going on, in your opinions? I told him that if his lawyer was on tape denying he paid him for any divorce, then he'd HAVE to admit to the truth. Because the truth would be obvious. BUT HE'S STILL DENYING IT. Could this just be a really bad set of circumstances for him? Somehow I don't think so, he would go to great lengths to cover up the fact that he did not try to divorce his wife. How do I get him to admit to the truth? And what could be the truth, why did he not pay his lawyer, when he had the money, to get this divorce? Why did he go as far as to lie and said that he did, and then claim that his lawyer told him he was divorced? Could somebody really be that stupid to think he wouldn't be found out?? Was him quickly getting rid of his wife each time she was at the door a cover for the fact that he knew he never tried to divorce her? If so, why? Why did he not want to divorce her? They separated for good in 2005. He and I became a couple in 2006 and it's heading towards 2009 and we're still together. We had a baby together! Why? What is going on? Link to comment
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