Move on for your own good!!!

[MrPresidentUSA]

I had originally posted a few days ago asking for help from ENA veterans and everyone seemed to be telling me to move on. I didn't want to and love my efgf with everything but they are all right to do this. I was strict NC with her for exactly one month and we had been broken up since July 3rd. I was fine and doing great and then I started looking at pictures, checking her facebook and generally remembering the good stuff. I got all soft again and guess what!? I just broke NC at noon today, went to her new house that was suposed to be our house and tried to talk to her. When we first broke up, I held on because I was being pathetic and asking her to tell me that she didn't love me anymore. She wouldn't. Today however, I went over, played it cool and made it known I wanted a second chance. When I saw her, it reopened a lot of the pain and I felt weak in my chest. I didn't break down this time but I could feel myself starting to weaken. I smiled and asked for another shot to do it better this time, to do it right. She repeatedly told me its not going to happen. So then I finally laid it out. I told her I still loved her and always will and asked her. No answer. So I asked then, "you don't love me anymore?" She looked at me, in the eyes and said those words. This time hearing it vocalized crushed me. So I acknowledged it, said I wouldn't bother her anymore, and walked away and out of her house and life forever. I'm writing this to tell you that even if you do NC to get them back or anything other than moving on, you are making a mistake. Stop living for your exes. I am in so much heartache right now and set myself back leagues that I didn't need to and all because I missed something that is dead and no longer there. She told me "I never go back, not for anyone. If it didn't work the 1st time, it won't work the 2nd time." It really hurts but you really need to stop hoping just like I need to. Get rid of everything painful, all reminders. Its just gonna cause you to do something stupid like I did. Move on and start a new life, a better one and one free of the painful past.

[testcase]

Well first off I hate that attitude that ex's are ex's for a reason, but that is just me. It really is a person's opinion on love. One person is not willing to change for anyone, therefore because it didn't work it is broken forever. The hopeless romantic believes there is always a way for love, and is willing to work on themselves to better their love with the other. That said I guess you found out her opinions on love, sorry to hear.

 

Sometimes though it is that kick/stab whatever you call it to the heart that you need to move on. I am sorry you heard this but these things really put our situation in perspective.. and unfortunately sometimes they are necessary. Now you have no choice but to accept that it's over and I honestly believe the healing is about to begin. GL on your journey it gets better with time. =).

[MrPresidentUSA]

Thanks man. I just have to let go. I've been hanging on too long. I love her and don't think I'll ever stop but I also know that I can love another and in time, I will.

[thejigsup]

It is broken for a reason and all the love in the world won't bring it back. It takes two to make a relationship and when I'm done, I never go back. I've lived long enough to have finally learned this simple lesson: when it doesn't work, it doesn't work. The right person will never stop loving you. I've stopped numerous times and I was never able to get the feeling back of wanting to make it work. Some people are romantics and that's fine for them. I live in the real world and know what works for me. The guy doesn't cut the mustard, I think about it and leave it alone. If he doesn't change on his own, without my nagging, I leave. I wasn't very important to him if he chose to ignore my needs, was I? I believe there is a saying about hitting your head against a brick wall. I don't do that. I'm not saying you did that at all, I'm just saying that with some women, there is no going back, for whatever reason.

[riley123]

when it doesn't work, it doesn't work. The right person will never stop loving you.

 

Very well said.

[freaknp]

I find that people like to say things like, "The right person will never stop loving you.", but I think that's over simplifying things.

 

Sometimes you could be with the right person, but it's just not the right time yet. You might even break up and stop loving each other for a while. But, in the end you still might end up with each other.

 

Also what defines the "right" person. Sometimes people get together and stay together, but they're not as happy as they could be with someone else. Is that right?

 

From my experiences I've come to realize that love isn't this magical thing that exists and persists between soul mates always and forever. It's something that two compatible people choose to share with each other. And during a lifelong relationship, there will be times when feeling in love comes and goes. In the end, it's only a true devotion to commitment that will keep two people together.

[MrPresidentUSA]

Now a slight update that even further guarantees we will NEVER get back together. I went back over to her place while she was at work to drop off a letter and her parents were there. I spoke with her dad and told him my side of things and he was very friendly and told me that she had been hurt too many times in her life and because of how things happened with us, we were through and there was essentially no chance. I choked up a little bit and thanked him for his honesty and shook his hand and said goodbye. Then I checked her facebook page a little whule later (she had not yet deleted me) and her status update said "some people are so UNBELIEVABLE!!!" This was most assuredly in reference to her mother texting her and telling her I was over or something along those lines. A few hours later, about an hour ago, she deleted me from facebook and there is now no way for me to be in touch with her. I have driven her completely away from wanting to be with her. If I ever had a chance down the line, I just lost it tonight. I miss and love her so much but she is completely repulsed by me now. It went from me hearing how amazing I was and how she couldn't ever imagine her life without me to her erasing every trace of my existence from her life. I wish I could atone or redeem myself in her eyes for another chance but I honestly know now that will never happen. I lost the 1st girl that in 28 years of life that I actually wanted to marry and create a family with. I have no point to this story other than to tell people to not make the same mistakes I did. I LOST her for good and all because I kept pestering her to give me another shot. There is no hope for her and I. I ruined it and my chance for a life with the girl of my dreams. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Don't let it progress as far as I did. Keep him or her happy and if they say they need time or space, GIVE IT TO THEM!!! There were moments when I could have saved it but kept screwing up. Don't make my mistakes! Don't EVER take for granted

[poloace]

dude...

listen - this chick sounds like she has a lot of baggage. her family doesn't sound too keen on the issues either. i know its tough - but, continue to give her space and try to move on. go out with friends - drink a * * * * load of beers, flirt with some chicks. you were fine before you met her - and, you'll find another.

 

at the end of the day, life will only work itself out in one way. ups, downs, together, apart - but.... at the end - you'll have the right one. if it doesn't work, it wasn't right. simple.

[John Bendix]

freaknp,

 

I agree with your well "spoken" post.

 

We can all gather catch phrases after the fact to rationalize our actions, decisions and reactions. If we read carefully we can see where some of the statements used do not follow in sequence to support the contentions.

 

Looking for reasons to justify our actions is not the same as using reason to make those decisions.