How to tell a friend no

[CrashTestDummy]

Yeah so I got this problem where I have a friend who wants to do practically everything with me...

 

My friend Jason isn't exactly my best friend but is a good friend nonetheless and is a bit awkward to hang out with in large groups since a lot of people find him odd and weird. My BEST friend, Rick actually doesn't really like him since he makes inappropriate comments and uncalled for insults that sound like its not a joke. He ridiculed Rick's good friend the other day(who is also a good friend of mine), James for "being too nice and too silent". My friend James is shy but he's a great guy and one of the nicest people I know.

 

I understand why people don't like Jason, he's a bit awkward and a bit of an oddball and usually rudely invites himself to things he shouldn't be sticking his nose in. He makes inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times and is sometimes just very rude to people. I consider him a good friend because we've been through some tough times, and he's always willing to do something. Hanging out with him is a bit of an issue since I don't understand the point of some of his stories. He doesn't like playing video games because I always beat him and he always rudely interrupts me when I'm trying to say something.

 

Anyways, Jason wanted to hang out with me the other day although I had already made plans with Rick. Now here's the catch, Jason doesn't know that Rick strongly dislikes him, and I know if I say I'm hanging out with Rick he'd want to tag along. Rick would be really pissed off if Jason came. I don't know what to do at this point since I already lied to Jason about going to an amusement park with my Dad, and he wanted to tag along and he seems almost determined to come (he was rudely inviting himself to this).

 

I know I really shouldn't've lied, but I thought the excuse would fight him off but it surely didn't. It's just that if I told him Rick didn't like him he'd be more determined to hang out with me, and I really just wanna hang with Rick since he's always looking for fun and stuff.

 

I know this is a mouthful but anyone have any advice?

[Xetra Dax]

Do you want to be friends with Jason or not? If not you shouldn't hang out with him anymore.Because this will cause uneccesary hurt to Jason, i mean think about it, he really thinks you are his friend so of course he wants to hang out with you. You already lied to him, and what's gonna happen if he finds out? You'd only be able to say Rick doesn't like him,meaning Rick already wants to push him out of his world, and that's already going to make Jason more lonely.

 

My tactic would be this: I would be 'completely unavailable to jason' until the day that you and rick would hang out has passed by. Don't pick up the phone, or let Jason into the house, and just be non-existant and especially unreachable for Jason, say you don't have time or errands to run( i mean you lied already so) , and only afterwards slowly pick up contact again.

 

That 'might' work for one time, but you seriously have got to deal with Jason in a different way in the future.

[CrashTestDummy]

I'm not 100% sure about this, but Jason MAY have some type of social disorder. Normally I'm the kind of guy who can go on hours talking to people about nonsense and have a good time since I'm always able to keep the conversation flowing.

 

He's the first person I've met where things just get awkwardly silent, like straightup awkward. There's people where it just gets silent and I'm like alright, so start something new. But he's the kind of guy where I start getting creepy feelings once the silence sets in, and I don't get his stories.

 

A lot of my other friends that are mutually aquainted to him find him very annoying and rude more so than myself. I actually don't know a single person that he sees a friend that thinks different... They all find him annoying and try to avoid him at all costs.

 

I've dealt with my fair share of difficult friends, but I've never dealt anything like this. Him and Rick belong in such different groups that he should know they shouldn't hang out together. Most of my friends get it, if I'm hanging out with like, my computer buddies, art buddies, loitering buddies, sports buddies they learn to stay away from each other, but he doesn't seem to get it, he thinks he belongs everywhere and that he should be entitled to be invited to everything.

 

I just have such difficulty dealing with this because I seriously think he may have a social disorder. He doesn't seem to realize how rude he is sometimes. We invited him once to play a game of paintballing (which he has no guns but we had a few extras) and all he did was complain how his gun sucked and stuff. At one point he just left randomly without telling us and we didn't know where he was, we found out later he went to a fast food restaurant and got something to eat. He wouldn't play until he was finished with all of it and it took him nearly an hour to eat it all.

 

Every player playing was frustrated with him because the event was held by someone else and he would rudely yell for ammo (paintballing ammo is expensive too) and not even offer to pay for it. Then after he would be shot down or called to surrender, he'd start placing blame on other people since he's pretty competative. It was an outing to have fun, not to compete. And after being shot a ton of times since he's a bit clumsy he ended up just pouting and sat in the middle of the field without any protection on, almost pouting like a child. He's 20 for goddsake and he acts like a child.

 

Sorry this is just really bothering me and I need a vent... I guess this is what this forum's for, Currently I DO thing Xetra Dax has the best solution, and thanks for listening... I'm gonna hope for the best now and head to bed...

[now_better]

i think it's important in life to surround yourself with positive people and people who look out for your best interest. if you don't think this applies to this person, i would drop him as a friend and stop making yourself available to him.