cody41 Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 Do you think it's wrong that I broke up with my fiance because he won't let me buy/have this dog I really want? Some info: My fiance and I have been together 2 years.. we live in HIS house.. Before we met he was dating this girl for a couple months who also lived in his house... She whined and complained that she really wanted this Chocolate Lab... she wouldn't shut up about it so my fiance finally caved in and HE BOUGHT the dog for her $800... He says it was because she was moving out soon into her own house so the dog wouldn't be living in his house there for long anyway. Well months passed after they broke up and once we got serious I moved in.. After a few months his ex was calling saying she couldn't handle the dog anymore and that she wasn't home enough to watch him... My fiance was pretty mad since she begged for this dog, so he asked if I minded if we took him? I said ofcourse NOT.. I love dogs so I was happy. It kind of sucked though because I did miss him as a puppy (he was almost 1 by then) and was never "ours".. Either way he is great.. A couple months later, my fiance's mom bought a small dog but turns out she couldn't handle it either so I asked my fiance if we could take her.. He said ok since I really loved small dogs.. Turns out, we tried her for one night but her and our chocolate lab couldn't behave together... Our Lab was still quite young and full of energy so he was not fully trained yet either and we couldn't handle the two young dogs.. So one of our neighbors took the little dog into a good home.. Well now it has been about two years since then... My fiance LOVES our Lab.. they are best friends.. He sleeps in our bed and is treated like a baby.. I have always said to my fiance how I really love smaller girl dogs and missed having one (used to have one at my parents house but she passed away).... And I said I'd love to get one at some point. On the weekend we went into a Pet Store to look, and I found my dream dog!!! She is soooo beautiful a little Yorkie/Fox Terrier cross, and I love her to death.. I held her for a bit and really fell in love.. I said I would pay for it, and all her vet bills, food, getting spayed, etc. but I need my fiance to help me get the Credit for her. I don't have $1000 to just buy her right out. But my fiance says NO... He won't allow me to get her even though I will pay for her. So we got into a huge fight and I went to stay at my parents place for the night... He is not budging and says if I want the dog I have to leave.. So I am absolutely furious that he wont allow me to have this dog... He bought his EX one and offerred to take his parents dog, but won't allow me to have this one???!! So I am now broken up with him!! Link to comment
DN Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 The difference is that when he bought the dog for his ex it was the only dog. The Lab has shown it doesn't get on with another dog in the house and if you buy this one you want - what happens if the same thing happens? You already know it is difficult to manage two dogs. Labs don't live that long on average - at some point you will be able to buy a dog that you want. I think you are over-reacting. You are giving the impression that you love this dog you met in a pet store more than your fiancé. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Regardless of the rights and wrongs of whether or not he wants you to have it, you're crazy even contemplating spending $1000 on what is nothing more than a crossbreed. I don't care how cute it is - people willing to shell out stupid money on what is ultimately a 'mutt' encourages indiscriminate breeding. I have two 'mutts' myself and love them to bits - and both are rescue dogs. Why not go to an animal shelter if you're so dead set on getting a dog? I also think it's a bit childish to break up with someone you're engaged to just because you don't get your own way. I think this is just symptomatic of a deeper issue. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 i guess it depends on who is more important to you - the fiance or the dog. if the dog is more important to you, then it's good that you won't be marrying this man! like DN said, i'd be hesitant to pay $1000 for a dog that you're not even sure will get along with the lab. what happens if you get it, and the lab attacks the small dog? that is not good for anyone, especially not the small dog. what about a compromise? after the lab passes away (or gets a new home), you guys can buy a small dog together? is this really worth breaking up over? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 You were also asking him to finance the dog with his credit... You can get perfectly lovely dogs from rescue organizations or the shelter for free or a small charge if you investigate that and money is an issue. Puppies are adorable and are frequently impulse buys, and a large responsibility. He discovered with the last dog his fiance got and he ended up with. So such a buy shouldn't be an impulse and something you both agree on. Regarding 'letting' you have a dog, he isn't a parent, but it is his house. So your best bet is to try to convince him to get a free dog from the shelter or a rescue organization. there are terrier rescue leagues that could probably find you a yorkie/fox terrier cross. If you can't learn to negotiate this kind of issue without breaking up, perhaps neither of you is ready to get married. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I ditto the other posts. You have a dog already and that dog did not get along with the previous little dog. Labs are indeed a handful sometimes. So why not enjoy the dog you have now and then later on talk about getting a small dog. Also, rather than forking out $1000 for a mixed breed dog, there are lots of dogs waiting to be adopted at the local SPCA or humane society. Link to comment
cody41 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 He doesn't like small dogs.. He says theres no way I am walking that stupid thing... I said he doesn't have to, I will take 100% responsibility for her.. What makes me angry is that he WAS going to let me have his mother's dog.. And he didn't want it then either.. but he said he would because I wanted her. He knows how much I love little dogs, and it broke my heart when I was living with him and my small dog passed away at my parents place. He said he will never have a small dog, he likes big dogs.. And even in 10 years or whatever when our Lab passes away he said he wont get a small dog. My mom already said if we got the puppy I want and it doesn't work out, she will take her. I realize $1000 is alot for a mix breed, but I don't care... This little dog was moved to another store because she wasn't selling.. I want to give her a loving home. My last dog that passed away was from the Humane Society... I have looked, I can't find any that are relatively young.. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I agree with everyone else, for the afore mentioned reasons. Hopefully you guys can make up. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 He wouldn't give up a thousand dollars for a dog so you broke up with him. I think he's a lucky man. Your behaviour was incredibly childish and selfish. I also think that a lot of this comes from the fact that you see the dog he has now as something that belongs to him and his ex, which is why you are so ott in regards to the situation. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 what makes you think that the lab will get along with this dog if it didn't get along with the last dog? what happens if you buy the dog, then the lab and the small dog don't get along? and then the pet store won't accept the small dog back, and then you are stuck with a $1000 debt on a dog you can't even keep? is that really responsible pet ownership? Link to comment
cody41 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 So you think its fair that I will never be allowed a type of dog that I would like??? He says NO.. won't even allow me to get a smaller breed. He was looking at a Rottweiler/Mix dog at the same petstore and he said he would rather get this dog if we got another one. Just doesn't seem fair he wants his way or NO way... That is the issue to me.. He won't allow me to have a dog that means alot to me. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 OK but you do not want a relationship with him about having a dog????? I love animals as much as the next person, but I am not prepared to give up the man I married to have one. It sounds like a reason for both of you to have an agruement and be immovable. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 So you think its fair that I will never be allowed a type of dog that I would like??? He says NO.. won't even allow me to get a smaller breed. He was looking at a Rottweiler/Mix dog at the same petstore and he said he would rather get this dog if we got another one. Just doesn't seem fair he wants his way or NO way... That is the issue to me.. He won't allow me to have a dog that means alot to me. like the others said - if you guys can't compromise, then you shouldn't get married. you will face much bigger obstacles in your marriage. what about getting a small dog when this lab passes away? or maybe you can volunteer at a dog shelter as a dog walker and walk small dogs on your weekends off. of course, you can go ahead and break up with the fiance for good, move out, and buy your dream dog. that's another option too. Link to comment
cody41 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Trust me this isn't the first issue we have had about compromise.. That word does not exist in his vocabulary. He does not want a little dog.. After our Lab passes, he will NEVER allow me to get a small dog. That's not fair!!! And my parents agree with me.. They had 3 dogs.. and now have 2.. My father has not wanted dogs in the past but my mom really really wanted them so he let her.. They think if he loves me he should let me. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I believe that you have to pick your battles. Is this battle worth ending your relationship over? Link to comment
greensleeves Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Dog sold at pet stores are often from puppy mills. If you're set on purchasing a dog, with our without your fiance, research reputable breeders in your area and buy from a good one. A dog in a responsibility for many, many years and should never be bought on impulse. IMO, the very best place to get a dog is from a shelter. Also, if you don't have the money to spend a grand on a dog, don't do it. How are you going to pay for any vet bills that come up (and they can become very expensive) if you can't cover the initial cost of a dog. As far as breaking up with your fiance, I think that the cost and credit issue could have been the issue for him and I understand that. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 ok, well, if you can't compromise, and you'd rather have a small dog than be married to this man, then i guess you've made the right choice. i'm deathly allergic to cats. i love them, but i can't have them. any man who wants to marry me will have to live with the fact that he will never be able to own a cat. if owning a cat is really important to his life, then we have a deal breaker. i guess, it's time for you to move out into your own place and start a new life with the dog.... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Hm maybe it is better that you not get married if you find him that rigid. I have been with my husband 20 years and life can damn right ugly if you do not have patience and comprimise. If you feel he does not and you can not take it, he is not the man for you. Link to comment
Gracelove Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Ya, I wouldn't have broken up with him. If you are going to marry him, you can't break up with him everytime he says, "no" to something. There are other ways to convince him to give you what you want. Aside from that, you may need time to think things over. Since your fiance and chocolate lab, are best friends, your fiance probably feels really guilty when your lab is unhappy. It seems like that's why he, ultimately, decided on giving away the small dog his mother gave him. Link to comment
cody41 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 YES this battle is worth ending my relationship over! He NEVER compromises.. and if I felt he really cared to make me happy maybe I would get over it... But we have had alot of issues and I don't really feel appreciated nor does he really make me happy. Maybe this is just what I needed to leave him.. (but I won't even get into all that).. I do have the money, I make great money but I had bad credit from my early 20's that I am building back.. I can't get approved for the Credit even though my income is high. My fiance has money (lots of it) so I know he has the cash aside he could even led me. That is not the issue trust me... Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Trust me this isn't the first issue we have had about compromise.. That word does not exist in his vocabulary. Then maybe you are better off without him. Link to comment
cody41 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 Our Lab is fine now.. he was only 6 months old when we tried having the first dog.. He was just too full of energy he wanted to play with it all the time, and we couldn't sleep. But he is 2 years old now he is alot calmed down and we have friends who bring their puppies over and he is really good with them now. It was only an issue because he was the baby and he wasn't even trained at the time. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Then go buy the little dog tomorrow and get a new fiance, or make up. Thoes are the choices. Trying to be RIGHT is no way to go through life and you are both trying to be Right, instead of making things work. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 YES this battle is worth ending my relationship over! He NEVER compromises.. and if I felt he really cared to make me happy maybe I would get over it... But we have had alot of issues and I don't really feel appreciated nor does he really make me happy. Maybe this is just what I needed to leave him.. (but I won't even get into all that).. I do have the money, I make great money but I had bad credit from my early 20's that I am building back.. I can't get approved for the Credit even though my income is high. My fiance has money (lots of it) so I know he has the cash aside he could even led me. That is not the issue trust me... ok, then you made the right decision by breaking it off. i'd wait until your next paycheck, when you can pay for the dog in cash, and get it. in the meantime, you should look for an apartment where you can have a dog and move out. start looking for apartments tomorrow. like the others said - pet store dogs often come from puppy mills, that isn't a practice worth supporting. though i understand if you met a certain dog and totally fell in love with her. Link to comment
unabashed Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Some of his possible objections to having a dog at this point seem reasonable--putting another $1,000 on credit is not necessarily a good thing, which you would know if you have good credit. Bringing another dog into the house is a risk, due to your past experience with his mother's dog. If it doesn't work out, it is kind of childish to say it would just go to your mother. What a waste of money, and what a waste of the privilege of using his credit. The whole tone of the post makes me think it's a very good idea for both of you to rethink the marriage idea. "It's not fair." "He won't let me." "He never compromises." "I want THIS dog, and no other." This sounds more like a teenager talking about a parent than a partner talking about her significant other. I don't know where he's coming from, but you, certainly, have fallen more into a childish role with him. That's not a healthy way to begin a life together. People on here have suggested some reasonable, responsible compromises, but you reject them all. This situation is taking on greater importance than the actual issue--or is the dog REALLY more important than the relationship? I think it's good that you left, and I suggest maybe that the time away should be spent thinking about what you want in a relationship, rather than what kind of dog you want. If he is really saying that he'll "let you" or "not let you" do or have things, than I think this is a problem, as well. Both of you have to be willing to have some empathy for the desires of the other. But I will say that it's not hard to fall into a "parenting" tone when someone is acting childishly. BTW, I love animals, too and I completely understand about falling in love with one. But, this is a bigger issue than just the dog, no? Link to comment
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