lust4life Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 and this is what came out, the last communication i will initiate with him... J, I don't want things to end this way & that's why I am writing you. I am really trying to understand your perspective on things but I cannot do so when you are always too busy to talk to me or when we do get the chance to chat we only do so for five minutes..and you hardly speak. That is why I always want to extend our conversations, because I feel as if we are not communicating as much as we should, & not communicating well enough. We are misunderstanding each other greatly & hurting each other's feelings as a result. I would like the chance to talk things out with you, because I feel we would be giving up too much to just end things like this. I am not trying to guilt you when I said you really hurt my feelings, I'm trying to make you understand where I'm coming from. I feel like if you loved me you would want to call me & talk to me for decent periods of time. You would want to hear about my day, what's new, & tell me about yours. Just shoot the * * * * with me ya know? It hurts my feelings when you answer the phone with a "what do you want?" attitude, and cannot talk almost every day, and only want to talk for 5 minutes. It makes me feel as if I'm not important to you, and as if you'd rather not talk to me at all. It kills me. Also, you know I miss you more than words can say, and you also know that I am going through a really hard growing period. I'm doing ok, but when I do trip up I'd want a soft place to fall. I feel hurt when I call my best friend upset & he is either immeadiately angry at me or refuses to talk to me. This kills me as well and makes things worse. I know that the military is the best choice for you, & I fully support you. Of course I am worried about you, but I am here for you. When you said that you never wanted to come back to MD & even visit, It was like a knife stabbed through my heart. Now I felt as if you didn't want to talk to me & you didn't want to see me. I felt like I was absolutely nothing to you, that I truly meant nothing at all anymore. I was devastated, crushed, so completely hurt. Finally, when you said you couldn't make time for me if I came down to Charlotte I felt like you put me dead last in your life. I understand that you have to work & that you have friend's birthdays & such. You could have asked me to go along with you to your friend's parties, or tried to include me so that we could spend some time together. But instead you angrily said that you wouldn't even make time to see your mother & that coming down would be a waste. It kills me. I want to see you so badly, and it feels as if you could care less. I know you don't know if you want a relationship right now, because I realize you're under a lot of stress with a drastic life change & the whole situation with your brother & the new ness of having to adjust to a long distance relationship. I don't want to be a burden to you, I want to be able to have a good long distance relationship with you & offer the support & love I have for you. I want us to make each other laugh, like we know how, to make each other feel special-by saying hey baby, or beautiful, or honey bunney...lol, to support each other's decisions & offer support. That's what I want for me, for you, for us. I feel that we are both on the right tracks for personal success, and are doing the right things. I just feel as if we are not communicating well at all right now, and that is vital in any relationship. I would like to work out the kinks now and have the great friendship & relationship that I know we've had & can have again. I believe that our bond can get us through anything, even this, and that we just have to believe & work on it. I don't want you to call me 24/7, or even everyday, but I would like longer & better conversations with you, my best friend, and my lover. I would like us to communicate better & try to understand each other with an open mind. So I will not ask you to call me, see me, or write me. I want leave the choice up to you. However, if you do choose to write me or talk to me, I am starting from a fresh slate. I will not hold any of our misunderstandings or hurt feelings against you, I am letting all of it go right now. I only ask that you do the same. Communicate to me what you want that you are not getting from this relationship, but drop the resentment, anger, & baggage. I pray & hope that you will choose to continue things, but I realize that I cannot make you. I miss you more than words can say, & I still love you with all of my heart. I will never stop loving you & caring about you. Thank you for reading all this. Love always, Me Link to comment
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