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Please Help for a very confused guy

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So that's the story : I'm a first semester foreign student in Germany, I had a great difficulties at the beginning : no appartment, no friends,the environment, then I met a girl (she's from the same country, from which i come), that really helped me to get out of all "s..t".

Now after nearly 4 months we'are very good friends and I understood that she's "the one", the girl for which a was searching in my life. ...but there are is one "little" problem : she has already a boyfrined (also from the same counrty like us), they are together since 10 months, and it looks like she loves him, but i think that this man is not for her, she smokes joint and drink like a pig almost every day, very often he fools her, 2 months ago she even broke with him for a 5-6 days, but then she came back,i dont know if the fact that she is totally dependent on him- he gives her money, and she lives in his appartment (she don't even have an own appartment), played some role for her decision to come back, she is not such a kind of person like him - she is totally defferent from him, and I'm affraid that if she continue to live with him, she will corrupt herself and will change in a very negative direction.On the other side we are almost identical in character and behaviour and I think we'are passing to each other very well.I cant understand if she has any special feelings to me, once she invited me to watch TV and talk in her boyfriends room, when he was at work, she had called me from our counrty, when she was there for Christmas and New Year, to ask me if i was okand what i was doing, then when she came back she visited me , 2 months ago she even said to me, that she trusts me more than she trusts her boyfriend,when her relationship with him was in "bad state" a numerous times she had touched me and asked me if i'm ok .Overall i think she shows a good behaviour to me, but she behave to everyone very well and i just cant understand if there's something more "special" to me and i dont know how to understand it, maybey you can help me.I see that she is loving him, at least at the moment and I'm very affraid of showing her my feelings to her, i think that if i do that i will ruin our friendship and my relationships with her boyfriend and all my friends out there in Germany, so at the moment i'm hidding my feelings to her and behieve just as normal.

There is a chance that her relationship with him can brake, after a month he has a language exam and if he dont pass it, he will have to travel back to our country, but if that dont happen I dont know what to do - to wait for the raletionship to brake, if this ever happens, or to make somethink. Do you people think she is showing something more to me then normal, do I have to make somethink more special, if yes what, so i will not be affraid of ruining all the things, or just to wait to see what will happens with the boyfriend? And what to do to be sure that if she breaks with him, she will not go then with some other guy and not will me, if that happens, that will kill me, i'm affraid that if i continue to behave just normally with her, if she has some feelings to me, she may forget them and that may happens.

Thank you in advance and sorry for the bad english.

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hey Manaldski,

im sorry to hear your not going through such a good time right now... in my personal oppinion i dont think you should make a move on her .... let her know that you'd love to go into a relationship with her AFTER her and her b/f are through... but dont make her think she has to choose between you 2 ..... trust me .. its happened to me ..... i felt like i had to choose between the 2 guys ... so i choose none of them ....im sure you dont want her to do that! ...

I hope everything works out for you!

hope this was some help!

dont hesitate to pm me!

Mrsmalakian x

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Mrsmalakian, thank you very much for the help,i really appreciate this,i have only 2 more questions :

1.I'm not sure if she has some "special" feelings to me , or i'm just a friend for her.Can you say, from that what you read, if she had something in mind, or it's just a normal behaviour, because if it is so, later it will be vary painfull for me to understand that she is just not intersted in me.And if you think that she had no special feelings to me at the moment,what i have to do to try to get closer to her without the risk of ruining our friendship if she understands what i'm trying to do.


2.Do you think, that they can break in the near future, she loves this guy very much at the moment (it looks so), and i'm almoust sure , that at this moment she don't even think about somebody else.If they brake, how i must behave in the time before the brake, so i can be sure that she would like to make a relationship with me, not with some other guy?

A friend of mine had told me to start to behave more cold with her, to speak not so often with her (normally i speak with her everyday) and to make myself look like, as I've found some other interests (not girls) and my friend said : "She will say you something, you will see that"

Do you find these adviceses for correct? If i behave so cold, will that ruin any feelings, she could have to me ?


Thank you in advance


I'm able to visit this web site only 1 time per day, and only for about an hour , so dont be angry if my replies are not so fast, i will check it for sure every day.

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hey manaldski,

you should be able to tell if she has "special" feelings for you by the way she acts with you and treats you.... does she ever flirt with you ? do you make contact with her or does she make contact with you? i dont think you should ruin what you have at the moment by just guessing that she likes you ... plus if she's in love with this guy .. and you make a move on her .. shes just going think your a jerk cause you know shes in a relationship !


secondly dont act cold with her ... shes just going to think you've gone off her .. or that shes done something wrong.. and you dont want her to think that! if they seem ok with each other then i dont think they're going to break soon ....


Good luck

Dont hesistate to pm me !

Mrsmalakian x

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Hello mrsmalakian,


She loves this gyu, at the moment, and until it is so i think that she will not try to flirt with me or show any "special" feelings to me.Usually i make contact with her, she makes contact with me when we havent seen each other for a period longer then 2 days (usually i see her every day) for example :

1.She was on a trip for 3 days, when she came back she invited me to her room to watch TV and to talk, she said to me then that im the person she trusts at most.

2.Before she traveled to her country for the Christmas holydays, we havent seen each other for two days and she sent me an SMS, that she was very sorry that we haven't been able to see each other.

3.She phoned me from her country to ask me, what i was doing, if i was ok,how i have spend the holydays.

4.When she arrived back in Germany, she came to see me in my room.

5.The morning , after she broke with the guy for 4-5 days, she asked me if i had slept good, and in the evening we watched TV and talked about her problems.


Overall she behaves with me slightly better then with all other guys, that are friends of her.

The problem is that i cant understand if these are signs of just a good friendship or somethink more.I know that until she loves this guy we will be just a good friends, i cant understand if these are signs that if she brakes with him there can be something between us.I want to understand that so i can know how i must behave myself with her until this moment arrives.

" i dont think you should ruin what you have at the moment by just guessing that she likes you ... plus if she's in love with this guy .. and you make a move on her .. shes just going think your a jerk cause you know shes in a relationship ! " - Yes that's why i dont want to show her any signs of something more then just a good friends at the moment, i think i have to do so.


This guy had had many relationships bevore, and all of them were broken, because of the alcohol, he just likes to drink too much too often, plus the fact that he smokes joint also very often( and she doesnt like these two things), bevore New Year she warned him that if he dont stop trinking too much, it will be over, and at the moment he trinks not so much.But i'm almost sure that he will start again, and maybe then, somethink can happens.

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