advice on helping him undertand communication b4 we start getting serious

[bit3yerlip]

He and i are not together. but are working towards it. 2 nights ago he was about to ask me to be his girlfriend. but things happened and i wasnt too happy, so the next night we met up and we agreed that we are not ready yet.

one of the big reasons we are not ready is because to me, we are lack of communication. he's the type who doesnt mind being left alone and who rather keeps problems to himself. he does not like to tell people about his problems. specially me. he said that he doesnt want to burden me with his problems and that he wants me to always be happy so thats why he seldom tell me things when he's up to something. last night, i told him clearly that as long as we want to make a healthy relationship, i want to always be there for him and always try to help him, like a teammate. i also said that happiness is not just all the good things between me and him. its more than that to me seriously. i feel happiest if i can to go through what he is going (good or bad). in the end, we agreed to give it a try with more effort, to build communication and all that between us. i feel communication is really important in a relationship. i really want us to work out. when i try to decide whether to get serious with him, i've been considering that he will be more busy in the next 2 months. so if there is communication im sure things will be fine even when he will be busy. any advice on helping him to communicate more with me? i dont think im the annoying type who keep asking him to tell what's in his mind. most of the time i let him be. but what if he falls back to keeping problems to himself again and i smell something? do i say 'look, im here for u remember' or 'be that way' or what?

 

 

hehe

thx for ur help =)

[Circe]

Cant you work on communication while in the relationship? He might feel more comfortable opening up to you within the parametres of a committed relationship.

[DN]

he's the type who doesnt mind being left alone and who rather keeps problems to himself. he does not like to tell people about his problems

You know, some people are just like that. They don't find it useful or helpful to talk about problems -they just prefer to deal with them themselves, solve them and move on. It doesn't mean they don't love you or think any less of you - it's just their way and it isn't wrong.

 

It is not wise to expect to find someone who wants to do things the same way that you do or to try to change them if they don't. How would you like it if he told you that he would prefer it if you changed the way that you are?