Why is it so hard to let go of someone?

[scared and alone]

Not even in just a 'i'm sad' way. But in a 'its just weird' way. It's not even denial, but no matter how much time passes, its just, odd having them not be around anymore, for anything. Especially for the most important parts of life.

[kuhl282000]

Your right ...its the time void you have to fill. Some things loose a lot of meaning when they are gone. Its like your in a time warp and your trapped and can't get out.

I know the feeling I'm there myself.......

 

Stages of Grief

Stage 1

The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. Sometimes this is the hardest part - having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, you can't see into the future and it's scary.

Feeling Like You're Starting Over

You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined

At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day.

The Second Stage of Grief

The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don't allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.

Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they'll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they'll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can't seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it's important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won't. Your feelings will pass. You'll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don't feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn't very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you're the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.

The Third Stage of Grief

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you're going to be okay. You realize that you haven't thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You've gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.

Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, after all you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It's full of up's and down's. It's okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

In the acceptance stage, you've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.

Sometimes letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.

Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.

Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

[scared and alone]

Exactly. Like when i'm unemployed, I think a lot about my dad and it's just VERY hard to motivate myself to go look for a job because I don't have my dad hear with me ( i know, thats weird. but its how i feel.) and my boyfriend just can't understand that. I can't explain, its just weird doing anything without my dad just being here to go to about anything. I just never thought i'd go through my teen years and adulthood without my dad and now that i'm doing it, I don't quite know how to get it out of my head that I have no other choice, it is NEVER going to happen, no matter how strange or sad it is. It's not even that unfair part of it, it more the, it feels like a bad dream that I can't wake up from. It's so unreal.

[itsallgrand]

scared and alone -

 

I take my dad along with me.

 

Yes, it's not the same. He isn't here physically. And you know I lost my dad suddenly as a teenager. I'm an adult now and it is still weird to me, as you say, that he isn't here for all of this stuff.

 

He's the one who would have been right there by my side. Talking to all these boyfriends. lol. Cheering me on telling me I can do any job I want! and I'm smart and never backed down from anything yet or was afraid to say what I had to say. lol.

 

You can do the same thing. No one else even needs to know.

 

I have conversations with dad quite regularly.