juriane Posted August 23, 2008 Share Posted August 23, 2008 This situation is a little less trite than the title would imply, but here goes: I've been with my husband "J" since high school, over a decade. We got married three months ago. Last month I reconnected with an old friend "D" from my study abroad program in college. During that summer, I was separated from J, who I had been dating for four years at the time. D and I had a real connection. I told D then that I wanted to cheat on J with him, but D refused, saying he had been on the other end, and wouldn't do that to another guy. He ended up hooking up a lot with my closest girlfriend on the program, and I was always so jealous of her. I ended up hooking up with another friend too, but I always wished it was D. I suspected that D really wanted to hook up with me, but wouldn't, for the reason he said. That was 7 years ago. Me and D hadn't kept in touch at all (we had exchanged maybe 2 emails in all those years). Fast forward to last month. We had dinner with yet another friend from the program, then went off by ourselves. After flirting all evening, we went to a hotel and hooked up while my husband pulled an all-nighter at work. Me and D talked a lot, and he specifically addressed how he regretted being so rigid all those years ago. My marriage with J is on the rocks. There has been physical violence and we are very unhappy, but our families are so intertwined after having been together for so long. We don't know how to end it, and I've been upfront about not wanting to be monogamous. I haven't told him specifically about D, but he knows about the other guy from the program 7 years ago. Anyways, D and I have exchanged texts and chatted via Facebook once. I sent him an email 4 days ago and he hasn't responded. What I want to know is why? How should I handle this? I don't know anything about dating, since I've been with the same guy since high school, but maybe D thinks so low of me since I'm technically cheating on my husband. I don't know if I should follow the dating "rules" or if they don't apply in my situation. How can I maintain a friendship/relationship with D? While my situation is complicated, I'd love to at least talk to him. I want to know what he thinks of me, if he just slept with me and plans to ignore me now. Again, this is a person I was pretty close friends with 7 years ago. Thanks for your help. Please don't judge me too harshly for cheating; the situation with my husband is complicated, painful and difficult (far beyond this current issue). Thanks! Link to comment
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