Have I gotten used to being single and alone?

[Ftheworld]

First let me say, I'm 26 and live by myself. I've been alone the majority of my life. I had little to no friends in highschool. I was bullied and I actually dropped out because I hated it. I eventually went back and now 10 years later I'm doing pretty good financially able to support myself. I've had 1 GF in my life and we were together for almost 4 years. Things ended horribly with her leaving me for someone else. I've been completely single and alone the last 3 years.

 

There was a point last year where I was so desperate for a GF. I tried so hard to pursue girls and date and make friends. I went to the gym, dressed with expensive clothes, I registered for classes at school and just tried my best to meet someone and was always rejected or led on without anything happening. It really hurt and had to take anti-depresents to get better emotionally.

 

Fast forward to this year - I'm still very alone. I don't go to the gym, I haven't gone to school and don't care too much how I dress. I've made no effort to date. I don't think I can win a girl over. I guess I'm waiting for a girl to pursue me, which I know will never happen. But if I feel a girl is checking me out, I get annoyed and very nervous and scared. Don't me wrong, I do have sexual desires but in terms of having a relationship, its become a complete turnoff for me. I HATE the thought of trying to chase a women. I hate the mind games and the emotional roller coaster that comes along with it. I hate wondering if she likes me or why she hasn't returned my call or email or why she's ignoring me after flirting me the other day. I hate to admit this but I see women as evil and dishonest. It's just become impossible in my mind that a woman could want a friendship or a relationship or even a fling with me after all the bs I've gone through in my life.

 

Same with people in general. I haven't met anyone that has the same interests in me at my new job. Some guys at work invite me to go out after work to a bar and I always decline. Truth is, I'm tired after a long day and just want to go home. I also don't like the bar scene. And some other people in the office see me as this quiet weird guy at the office.

 

But anyway, I don't think I'm depressed. I don't have trouble sleeping like I did last year. I'm able to eat and function well at work. I haven't cried or lost my temper in months. But I do feel something is wrong with the way I am. I don't know if my lifestyle right now is right or wrong. It can't be healthy, right? What should I do?

[Rising]

The first thing you should do is recognize that your experiences so far do not encompass all possible experiences and thereforee shouldn't be generalized. There are plenty of great people out there and even the ones that don't share a lot of things in common with you can still be fun to know.

 

Since you don't really want to do the bar scene you might try and invite some people to do something that's more 'your scene'. Home is kind of an escape and even though it can be a place of rest, it doesn't have to be the only place. The right bar can be a great place to unwind and can be an awesome place to frequent with a group of friends. It's all about finding the right atmosphere.

 

As for the ladies, yes there are a lot of girls out there that want to play games, or don't want to but do anyways. There are also girls out there that have the same feelings you are having. They are tired of all the annoying jerks and just wish they could find someone more like themselves.

 

Expensive clothes aren't necessary, but having a sense of style can definitely help. Even if its a tshirt and jeans type of thing, you can still do it a little better than the guy who just throws it on without thinking. The gym is always a good thing. You don't have to be ripped to get a girl, but being healthy and energetic will make a good impression for sure.

 

The best thing you can do is just get yourself out there. In whatever way you can stand, or if you can find something fun then even better. The woman of your dreams will most certainly not come knocking on your door randomly, and likely won't end up transferring to where you work.

 

I've been in the same situation as you man. I know how much it sucks. Heck, I'm still there in some ways but I'm trying to break bad habits that kept me from getting out there.

 

Good luck to you.

 

-Rising

[delphi88]

Hey,

 

The post above basically says it all, and I totally agree that you should get out there and try to meet new people, because as I know myself it's all too easy to shut yourself away from other people when you don't feel great about yourself. Maybe even accept an invitation to go out with people from work? Even if it's not really your thing, the social interaction might make you feel a bit better.

 

As for the GF thing, it's not always a bad thing not to be in a relationship. It's obviously stressing you out, but if you concentrate on meeting new people in general and building up a group of friends instead of persuing relationships it might make you happier. Just because you had a bad time in school doesn't mean you will always be lonely, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. And by pushing yourself into new social situations you will meet loads of new people, and hopefully realise that there are plenty of nice, honest women out there as well!

[Artique]

Alot of what you say I can relate to. When your in a comfortable zone and you are habitually treated a certain way its hard to expect anything else. Try going to anxiety treatment or some other group class. I did that, and so far its nice. No matter how many people are out there, I beleve there is someone that might think the same as you, thus they wouldent pursue you, hence no one ever meets.

 

I agree with the game. I hate the game, I suck at the game. I can play it when giving an freebie, open door for convo card, but to flat out chase and hunt. No bueno. Be confident that you will get soemone somwhere and when you do, Im sure that it would have been well worth the wait. Good luck

[Ftheworld]

Thanks for the responses. Even though I don't have depression symptoms like I used to have, I'm not happy with my life. I'm so bored and wish I had friends and a GF. I just don't have the hope or belief to go after these things. I just don't think they are meant to be. Every time I've tried to make friends or get a date with a girl, I've been rejected which leads to a lot of emotional pain for me. I rather let things come to me. If someone wants to be my friend, let them come to me. If a girl likes me and wants to date me, let her come to me. But I'm not sure if this the correct approach.