I am MESSED UP!!

[peaceacake]

Posted here before, struggling with the NC, like most of us do, especially when we thought "they" were the one and out of no where with no decent explanation "they" say its over. So, I have broken the NC several times. 85% of the time I get a response, within minutes, so I am assuming.. ok.. this is good, he's still communicating with me (we broke up almost two months ago.) The emails and text messages are what I call very very vanilla. Ordinary things one would discuss (work, parents, nothing too specific). So, I am going absolutely nuts because I call one time, he answers, I ask if he would be interested in having a face to face conversation (because up to this point, its only been impersonal texts and emails).. He says yes. I explain that I have never had ANY answers and am getting tired of this "cat and mouse" GAME that's being played. I ask is it due to you dating someone. He says NO, he is not. (??? I think.. yeah right, just be a MAN and ADMIT It already).. so.. of course he sayd he has a plane to catch (which is very valid, he travels extensively for his work).. and he will call later. DA!!! again, what do I do? wait! nothing!.. wait.. nothing. About five days go by and I get an email re: his mother had some surgery, we exchange emails a few times, just polite vanilla stuff. I say I am having a stress test because of some chest pain. Again, a few days go by, he texts me and asked how the test went. More of the same back and forth BS texting... which is making me CRAZY.. I want to have a GROWN UP ADULT conversation and ask??? what do you want????? do you want to be friends? do you want a text buddy???? WHAT??? So.. I try to call. No answer..... ok.. here is where I think it gets VERY INTERESTING... I get an email at work saying how he was sorry he missed my call and what was up??? the interesting thing is..... its a COMPLETELY different email address than what he always had. I write back? what's this? I almost deleted because I didn't recognize it... no reply. SOOOOOO,, thoughts out there anywone??? is he trying to avoid someone?? is he out there on dating sites and has a new account for just that? and.. maybe he messed up and forgot what account he was actually EMAILING ME from?????? I know.. more of a game and I should just initiate NC and start completely over. Please, thoughts.. anyone???

[Zeitgeist]

I think you're thinking too much about it. Calm down. Breathe. Go out and force yourself to do some stuff with friends. Watch a movie. Have some wine. STOP trying to figure out what he's doing or what he intends. You can't, and neither can anyone else. WAIT. The answer will come to you when you stop chasing after it. Really - it will.

[Mayday11]

You answered your own question. Stop contacting him completely and go NC. For goodness sakes, you're killing yourself here.

 

It simply sounds like he's being as polite as possible towards you, while you're acting quite needy and smothering. Back off, put a ton of space between you. It doesn't sound at all like he wants a relationship with you right now. Nothing he has to say will ever satisfy you, trust me.

 

Get on with your life, focus on you, try your best to forget about him. Maybe down the line you guys can reconnect and then (and only then) should you start thinking about meeting up to get closure or possibly reconciling

 

Take care.

[jmax2157]

I think his actions are speaking loudly. I'm sure many are going to say the same thing but NC is your best option at this point. I know that leaves you with a feeling of confusion since he never adressed your concerns but there are some things in life you'll never get an answer to. Hard to say why he is acting the way he is but you can't control him. Take control of yourself and start NC. This will let him know that you're not going to be there every time he needs you. Let some time pass and maybe he will miss you; or maybe he won't. Either way you can't let this stress kill you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He broke up with you and in many break up cases the dumper gives no clear reason. Closure comes from within. I would suggest you cut the contact completely and forget about trying to get answers from him. It is clear he doesn't want to give any and he is playing for time so that you will give up. The longer you persist, the worse it will be for you. Let it go..the sooner you let it go the easier it will be on you. The only thing that is important is that he didn't think you were the one...for whatever reason. Dumpees have a choice, they can waste time seeking answers or they can just say "to hell with the dumper, it is their loss" and walk away with their head held high and not bother contacting the dumper again. Let your absense and silence speak volumes. Right now you are coming accross as desperate and that will not help your situation. Take control over your emotions and actions and just turn your back on him and live your life.

[peaceacake]

I liked your response. WAIT, the answer will come. I guess patience is not one of my best virtues, Thanks for responding!!

[Seraphim]

He is trying to tell you he does not want a relationship and you are trying to FORCE one, a sure fire way to make sure he runs away. Leave him alone and let him come to you if he WANTS to.