Do abusers ever leave forever?

[reneex061]

Just wondering, because I want to prepare myself to what might come from leaving him alone. It's hard for me to believe that an abuser would leave a relationship forever because I thought that they usually get really worked up and then once they've cooled down they come back around like it didn't happen. I read somewhere that thats how the cycle is. He pulled out of the relationship because he said of me, but I didn't do anywhere near what he did. Do you think he'll realize where he went wrong and see what he's done with time? For me, I think that everyone eventually realizes their wrong after some time. He used to tell me that the last time he wanted to do was become his dad and like before before he got really bad he would tell me that he already is his dad. At the time I didn't think that at all because I could never see him being how his dad was with him a long time ago, but now I see what he meant. I think he was so afraid of that happening that he didn't even see that he really was turning into him. Like he would get REALLY upset thinking about being how his dad was, so how did he allow himself to turn into him? I think with time he will see that he turn out just like how his dad was. Will he see that?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Many times, we unconsciously emulate our parents before we know we're doing it.

 

If he really is an abuser, then he has some serious work to do to learn how to handle a relationship correctly. Are you sure you want him to come back? Do you want to be abused?

 

Basically, an abuser is like a wolf circling the house. Whether you throw good meat or rotten meat out to the wolf, it learns that you have meat and are willing to share it. So if you don't want him to come back, don't throw him anything but if you do, then toss out some steak and chicken.

[amipushy]

Renee, I am seriously concerned by your posts.particulary this one..

 

 

 

 

You and him are a very bad match and you need to keep far, far away from him ok. I'm hoping that he is keeping away because he is afraid of what might happen if he stays with you, You should be afraid too. You have to be strong here ok and leave him gone. Something serious might happen and you could end up hurt and he could end up in prison. Please keep away from him.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think your real question is, "Will he change"?

 

Most abusers don't, and his anger will soon change to physical abuse.

 

I feel that you could be in for some serious impending danger with this guy, you need to get out before this happens.

 

Take care...

[Seraphim]

Honey I think that you are obsessed with him and you just need to let him GO. He is not good for you or for anyone. Do not worry about what abusers do and stop being an ABUSEE. You are enabling him to do everything he does to you. No matter how much you love him this will NOT change him. You can not change people they change themselves. You may think that you are helping him or whatever, but seriously move on. You are not in a heathly relationship or in a healthy mental state right now. Maybe talk to an abuse counselor at a centre, because this obsessive thinking about him is NOT good.

[just M.E.]

Yes they leave, forever, they find another to abuse. It happens all the time.

 

Do you think he'll realize where he went wrong and see what he's done with time? For me, I think that everyone eventually realizes their wrong after some time.

 

Absolutely not, they go through the motions but very few understand. If he went into therapy for 10 years, there is a slight possibility but I still doubt it.

 

There is only one thing you need to understand and know right now .... LEAVE and stay gone. Don't reconcile, don't go back. Simple, harsh but this can be life and death, eventually many women have found that out. Leave now, get out while the getting's good.

 

Don't look back, you owe him nothing, not even an explanation. Make sure you are safe.

 

I was married to a physically abusive man when I was 21. I have understanding of where you are.