What the Hell

[saintboon]

I don't know what's going on with my ex. I'll try to keep it brief...

 

We broke up because she "wasn't ready for a relationship." I'm sure there were other mitigating factors, but this is what I got. I tried to get her back, but ultimately walked away.

 

After a month of contact I moved East for summer and cut off contact. Couple weeks later I started getting IMs from her, always with some sort of excuse to talk to me. She called a few times randomly, as the summer wore on, usually after this other girl I know posted photos of us going out (maybe jealous?)

 

I contacted her sometimes too, but I'd said it was about 80-85% her initiating contact, about once a week all summer.

 

Always cold and reserved, never shows her emotions. Talking to her is hard.

 

Here's my * * * thing...

 

Haven't talked to her quite as much lately, as she went back to school and has been very busy. I just got back to school now. Last night she shows up to my fraternity house with one of her friends. Hardly talks to anyone and kind of just standing around in the house, not even drinking. She starts conversations with some of my close friends, and eventually I went over to talk to her. Her friend was sick, and had to leave, but she stayed to talk with me for a bit. Indicator of interest? I thought so, but the whole time we talked it seemed like she was a little tense, on edge (admittedly she probably was pretty exhausted from sorority stuff). We stepped away from the crowd and she was receptive, she didn't cringe, or back away went I touched her. But she did seem to avoid eye contact. Her eyes were kind of darting around, almost like she was looking for someone, and she kind of started leaning away a little. I'm reading a lot into the body language here. Some of her friends came by after like a half hour and she left with them, giving me a quick hug and a pretty cold good-bye. I suggested we get lunch or coffee to catch up soon and she said yes, but not till after rush is over...

 

I'm confused. She showed up to my house, which is way the hell out of the way. She obviously knew I'd be there, because I had hung out with the girl she was with the previous night. Her friend Kristy also left the minute I started talking to my ex, as she was sick, which makes me think that my ex asked her to come along just until she found me. Kristy is kind of a mutual friend (my ex does not really know anyone at my house). Yet then I read her body language as, if nothing else, tense and conflicted. She wouldn't have talked to me if she didn't want to... so what should I do now?

 

I think I may shoot her a text later today saying, "It was good to see you last night." But should I?

 

This is a forum for getting back together, so please, any advice will help. And try to be a little optimistic, thank you.

[The_411]

I sense she came over to check out her "competition". Women are territorial when it comes to men. It freaks them out to see you with another woman.

I would stay NC as much as possible using LC to be friendly but firm. Keep working on a new girl and spin a few plates and get out there and date lots of women. The more you are having fun and showing you are desired by women the more she'll freak out and she'll come running back . They key is not to take her back too easily as she needs to feel the repercussion of her decision to walk away.

 

No on the text because that means you are acknowledging her and bumping her ego and assigning value to her. Was it really good to see her last night? From what you described? No. It was an awkward situation which confused the hell out of you.

 

You extended an invitation to which she said yes so you now need to lay back and make her come to you. You are quickly gaining the power back. Maintain the power by letting her initiate conversation, e-mails etc. When you do converse keep it light friendly and do not reveal too much.

[saintboon]

I'm 3000 miles from home here. There is no longer any "new girl," it was just a summer fling back at home. I don't think she was coming over to see any competition, as she didn't actually know that I was dating anyone else, and the girl I was dating doesn't go to school here (in California), she lives back in NY. I appreciate the advice though...

[The_411]

Laff, I guess this happens when one is tired the read comprehension goes to pot.

 

Let me correct myself a bit. If she didn't know the girl you were in the pictures with then I do believe she came over to see if you were with her. She brought her friend as support.

 

My gut instinct here still remains the same. She was there to see if you had moved on with another girl. So in this case she'll be after you like white on rice if you do have a girl you are casually dating. You don't flaunt it but if she does run into you while you are with this girl it will really push her over the edge.

[saintboon]

You have a good point, but the girl I was dating doesn't go to school here, lol, so there's no way she would have expected to see her. That said, she does know that I tend to "know" a lot of girls, so she may have been scoping something out. That is possible. Alas I'm not dating anyone right now!

 

But I do have plans to have dinner with a new girl next week (hopefully she doesn't flake!), so I think you have good insight there, I'll try to casually date this new girl and see where that goes.

[saintboon]

Anyone have any insight here? I'd really appreciate it...