Boyfirends' mom is a lying stealing <mod edit>

[xItalianxPrincessx]

im 21 and my bf is 24. weve been together for over 4yrs. his mom has been a financial leach for most of the time. they come from absolutely no money and she doesnt even work. shes remarried with 2 young boys and her husband is an immigrant and now US citizen from morrocco. he works but is only a limo driver since his degrees didnt transfer easily and then never tried to get it fixed. so now my problem: she always asks for 'help' and he would usually help. she ran him broke many times but he felt it was worth it since he was helping his bros and keeping their tv and lights on. well, they jointly bought a house but his mom moved out cuz they couldnt afford it. now jeff lives there with his best friend and they were (until recently) giving his mom the rent/mortgage money. come to find out she was ripping them off $200 a month!!! she ALSO just straight out didnt pay 2 payments cuz now hes delinquent 2 months pay and he had to get in touch with the company and let them no hes handling it now and things will be straight from here on out. his mom and her new fam planned (and failed) to move to belgium where the stepdad has a brother with a real estate business and they were supposed to go into a partnership. well his mom left and came back with the boys 2 weeks later cuz they didnt like it there. the stepdad stayed to try to make some money. now his mom and bros have been living in her sisters 1 bedroom apt and they are waiting to get into an apt. she also had asked jeff for help in getting the apt. she wanted him to cosign for her, but he said they got approved on their own- thankfully!!! also when they were initially moving, she left a $1000 balance on the cell phone bill, and just today the phone is finally shut off. ive talked to my bf about all of this cuz i freaked the hell out when i found out about the phone and then the house- im irate and am ready to cut htis womans throat out. shes a horrible, miserable, theif of a person, and a dispicable mother. i cant believe she stole from her own son and his roommate. but ive talked to jeff about this and he says hes not helping them again and he has barely talked to her. i dont really have a question but i needed to vent and i would like to hear ur opinions on this.

[ghost69]

i hate people like that.

[Scorpion Fury]

My opinion is, stay out of it. He's a grown man, he can deal with his mother.

 

You're not married and it's not your money she's ripping off.

 

Be there to listen when HE wants to vent, but ultimately, I wouldn't even trash talk his mother to him. He will likely get defensive, even though she has ripped him off. Most people think it is OK to vent about family members, but really don't want anyone else to join in on the trash talking.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

HighlyUpset is right. I can see why you'd be upset about someone you love being treated shabbily, and that is very valid. You could say things like, "i'm really upset that you're being treated like this!" That way you express your feelings but you're not trashing Mommy Dearest. Secondly, this is a good opportunity for you to see if your bf truly cuts her off or keeps on letting himself get walked on.

 

Anothing thing you can do -- help him learn to make good decisions by talking with him about the decision making processes he is using, not the people involved. It's kinda like counselling -- a good counsellor doesn't tell you they think your husband is a total jerk and you ought to leave him...they don't tell you what to do...they tell you how to decide, how to weigh factors and take care of yourself while doing so. They help you see that self preservation is not necessarily selfish and evil. Do you see what I mean?

[xItalianxPrincessx]

i try to curb what i say to him cuz i no hell get upset and i told him when we talked about the house and stuff that i dont not like his mom i was like thats just f-d up. and he was like i no. and i havent said much to him since then about it. and i do try to stay out of it but its hard to not care when we have talked about a future, but i dont think i can have a life where im watching my husband/significant other get ripped off by his own mother- she should be doing everything she can to help him not hurt him! and omg if it was my money, id be talking to one of the attorneys i work for bcuz i would not stand for that one bit! thats ridiculous that she has no shame and could steal from them. i just cant think of how she justified potentially hurting his credit with the house and screwing him over with the phone. she didnt even tell him about the phone she let him get the bill.

[xItalianxPrincessx]

turnip, yes i see what u mean. and thank u for ur response it helps alot. i dont sit there and say the things i said on here to him about his mom. i did watch what i said and said things like i cant believe she did that. and thats messed up. i wasnt ever like omg ur moms a c-nt and i hate her. i actually tole him (as i mentioned in another post) i straight up told him i dont have a problem with her, cuz thats all i need is a fight btwn us, i was like i just dont like that she did that and he was like i agree. and yea as of now he says hes cutting her off financially and i hope he doesnt talk to her for a while anyway so she cany weisel her way back in. i hope he realizes now that shes only a leach and cant be trusted. but i will do my best to not tell him what to do but talk about things in the way u said.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Yeah basically you have to remember that he is already suffering enough pain because of her actions...from the fact that she is his mother yet she is stealing from him, to the fact that he's being stolen from period. That is a huge vat of negative feelings. He needs someone who understands but encourages him and lucky you! That's what you get to do. Understand and encourage him *gently* to take care of and protect himself. If you approach it from this angle, you will be of more service to him and by extension, yourself, and your words will have more impact.

[xItalianxPrincessx]

thank you! i was beginning to be like omg dont even give her money, u cant do that anymore, blah blah blah. and he never was like just stop! but now seeing it this way it makes more sense and just thinking about it i think thatll def have a better impact on things. i think he is finally def done with her financially tho cuz that is the worst thing i think ive seen from her so far. and yea i do need to be the pillow for him to rest his head on at the end of the day. not to say i havent been but im going to try to not voice my opinion so harshly anymore. i hope and pray that he truly doesnt give her anything else ever again!

[Lionel Hutz]

Cant really get involved just protect yourself and be supportive of you b/f.