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Tell me, Is this completely absurd?

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Me and my bf split up in july after a year of being very happy and we are a perfect match - we believe it 100%. We still loved each other and cared a lot - but we kind of mutually broke up.The reason was I needed to find myself again since I deal with a lot of issues, I am still very young and a relationship was making my problems worse and I took it out on him. I was dependent on him, he was such a big support but sometimes he was a security blanket to me.


We split up in the past, it was a stupid breakup but it then felt like I couldn't function, eat, sleep without him by my side. This time around, I have been seeing a therapist for my issues, getting closer to my friends and I am happy. I know it'll take a long time to recover completely but I am generally doing very well as a single girl, I just miss him as a person. I want more time relying on myself and gaining independence so I dont want a relationship as intense as the one we had yet. He said he hopes we'll get back together once I'm well. I do want to be with him...


We're doing NC now and it seems silly. He broke NC 5 times, saying he loves me so much and im still his ideal woman or just asking how I'm doing, everytime I freaked out at him. We bumped into each other a month after the breakup and from then had an amazing weekend. After, I just didn't know what to do because we still loved each other just as much,having lots of fun like nothing happened, but I still asked for NC again and I still want to work on myself. He said he won't be contacting me again because he knows how angry it makes me, he'll wait for me to make contact.


I am doing so well but I wish I could introduce him back into my life, slowly. I don't think we can ever be 'friends' because of our history, but blocking each other out completely seems stupid and it's breaking my heart. I know he still thinks of me and he must know I'm thinking of him as well. It just feels forced you know? It did help me get over the pain of the separation but now I'm enjoying the benefits of the breakup and I wish he saw all the changes in my life, he was my best friend.


I know there's a big chance we'll bump into each other again this weekend - we just happen to like the same things and attend the same events! I will go with a friend of mine who likes me. I may 'fancy' him, but wouldn't see myself being with anyone yet. If my ex sees us, he may get jealous and hurt which I don't want. I don't hate the idea of bumping into him again though...We always have so much fun together and my feelings towards him haven't changed one bit. I have nothing to reproach him, and he's always been perfect. But I still need to be independent...but why become strangers? I don't want to be single to get with anyone else, or for 'freedom'. I loved being in a relationship, I just want 'me' back completely first.



What do you think I should do?


Thank you.

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sounds awful to bring a guy who likes you and that you like...and if your boyfriend sees you two he may assume something as you guys are young. and thats not exactly living the single life...thats playing the field while telling your boyfriend you're trying to fix you. selfish in my opinion.

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You need to live your life. You also need to learn to accept the consequences of your choices. By choosing to break up with your ex you have to understand that you lose the right to have contact. It's selfish to say I need to break up with you and then say but I want contact with your ex because you are hurting him in order to fulfill your needs.


You can't protect him either. If you are interested in this new guy then you are. I would however recommend you start thinking about your choices a bit more and how they effect others including yourself. By going someone where you likely to run into your ex with a new guy you need to understand that will likely make him angry, jealous and will likely hurt him deeply and in turn seriously jeopardizing any chance for reconciliation. You will also come off as a liar lack integrity because you said you needed to find yourself. If that's honestly the reason for your break up then honor that reason.

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i do accept the consequences of my choices...



he initiated the breakup though - i now say it was mutual because when he made the decision, I understood why he did it. He was crying and said I'll never get better if Im with him.


About the other guy, I wouldn't do anything with him. We both arranged to go to this thing a long time ago ... Im worried about my ex seeing us together and assuming the worst. But Im definitely not going to do anything with him. I want to be with my ex - I just want to know how to do it, he always wanted us to keep in touch and be friendly so that he could see my progress and I was so hurt by the breakup I needed to ask for NC.



Now I am doing better and I wish he knew that, and also that I still love him.

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Well I jumped the gun a bit here.


I was under the impression you were the dumper. You need to do what you need to do without worrying about what your ex thinks. He chose to dump you so you can life a life of well if I do this he might get mad because you're then not living your life. You are living a life of fear.

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well its weird there was no real dumper or dumpee. we were both thinkin about it because i kept feeling like i couldnt get more independence if i was still with him.



i miss him, and he told me if I was doing well, he wouldn't hesitate and get back with me immediately - that's what he said last time we met, during our great weekend together post breakup...

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