undercover007 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I am filled with rage right now. Its been a month since the breakup with my ex (who was emotionally/mentally abusive and a little physically abusive). 3 years down the drain. All my dreams and hopes are gone. What started as a fairytale turned into a nightmare. I was reading my old journal entries of all the things he had done and all the fights and breakups. I look back now and i cant believe how much i put up with. At one point in our relationship, he would break up with me every month.. or threaten to break up with me. Called me obsessive, needy, and crazy. I was the crazy one.. yet he was the one in the beginning that deleted all my guy friends on my phone, hacked into my online journal, got mad if i went out clubbing, and made me cut out certain friends, got mad if i didnt spend time with him. Then when I wanted spend time with him, i was too needy! Yes i turned crazy.. every time he'd break up with me id go crazy and panic. Sometimes he would just break up with me without telling me. I'd be left hanging. He put me down. He had weird mood swings. Sometimes he'd be all nice and sweet, then all of a sudden he was distant and angry and then would lash out on me for trying to talk to him. He would always give me the silent treatment or ignore me for days/weeks if he was mad or if we were broken up. Things he has said from previous break ups: I dont love you anymore. Your obsessive, crazy, and needy. And your too immature. I am going to kill you. I hate you. Now you have no chance. I want nothing to do with you. I dont want to be committed to you. I just want to be friends. I will see you when u are over me. If you call my phone one more time im going to get a restraining order. I will blow up ur phone at 3 am and see how u like it. This was ur last straw. I gave you too many chances. This was ur last chance. You make me sick. Your a s***. You ****ing c**t All I ever did was put my heart out there and loved him. I never did anything to hurt him yet he treats me like this? I gave him everything.. put him first cause i loved him. But when i needed him there, was he there for me? Rarely ever. I feel so crazy. I cant function. I cry every day and night. He hurt me so badly yet i miss him so much. I feel like someone just died. I dont know how to move on. I just want to scream at the world. Scream at him. He told me id be his future wife.. that we'd be together forever.. that he would always be there for me.. everything was a lie. So many broken promises. He told me hated liars.. yet ive caught him in small lies. Everything was always MY FAULT. He could never admit to being wrong. I feel so broken. I gave up everything. I was there for him no matter what. I helped him find a career because he was depressed about not having one. I looked and looked for him. Now that i hooked him up with a steady job.. he has no time for me. He says that im crazy and he doesnt need a crazy gf like me. I feel so broken. I feel like theres no point in living. How can someone be so horrible and mean to a person? sorry, i needed to vent. Link to comment
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