jasputan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 My gf and I both recently started college at the same school. We have been going out for a yr and a half and I have been overall very happy in the past. But now that I am getting to school and seeing all of these other girls I am not sure that I want to be tied down. Part of me still loves my gf very much, but another part of me isnt ready to settle down. I dont know what to do I will feel horrible breaking up with her...she has told me that the only reason she came to this school is because I am going here, and if I break up with her the first week I would feel absolutely horrible about myself. I have mentioned to her that I am confused about whether I want to be in the relationship anymore and this crushed her. It hurts me so much to see her sad and crying like that...to the point where I started crying too and sort of lied to her and told her that I changed my mind and want to stay with her....what should I do..I know things cant keep going on like this...Part of me loves her but another part is dying to not be tied down in college. What should I do!? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Well, all I have to say is that you shouldn't feel guilty that "the only reason she came to the school is because I am (you are) going here." I am sorry, but that was completely stupid on her part.... Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I think you need to be completely honest with her. Hes it will break her heart but in time she will get over it, dragging it out and lying to her will only hurt her more in the long run. Do be aware though that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. A lot of "dumpers" realise this after a while and then decide they want their ex's back. I think you need to work out exactly what you feel for her, is it worth throwing it all away just because you want some freedom in college? I am sure there is some sort of compromise where you can go out with friends, have time for your college work and also have a relationship too. Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Tell the truth ....follow your heart Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I can give you a prudent answer that will save you from more pain then necessary. First, be alone for a while. Take a break to go on a walk or hit the gym. Turn off the cell phone and just get some alone time to find some spirituality within yourself. Our spirituality is a sense of where we're going, it's not necessarily a religious thing thought it often is. Just take an hour or two and connect. Going on a nature walk helps me. You need to sort your feelings out. Only then, when you feel you've decided what to do, make a decision. Why do you make a decision yourself? Because then no one has influenced you, you have made your choice of your own free will, which is crucial for something this big. I have been on message boards where people have burst into applause as a pick up artist finally divorces his wife after being horribly abusive (we're talking physically) and "alpha" to her. Instead of making a choice of his own, he got caught up in his own drama and trying to play to the crowd. Listening to people about such important things is madness. Their own fears can play into their answers, and giving into fear, be it yours or someone elses, is disaster. You must make the decision yourself, for once you do it, you may not be able to undo it. And then go through with it knowing you decided it of your own will and instincts. Trust me- the best answer is to trust yourself. Link to comment
jasputan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 I have already told her the truth and she got extrememly upset and seeing her so upset caused me to back out, but just 24 hrs later I was feeling the same way again. Is it normal to still care so much about a person but not be sure that you want to be with them? If I do care about her this much and am so worried about how she will take it does that mean that maybe I should stay in the relationship? What about taking a break and seeing how I like being single for a bit then reassessing it? IDK. Link to comment
jasputan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 I think you need to be completely honest with her. Hes it will break her heart but in time she will get over it, dragging it out and lying to her will only hurt her more in the long run. Do be aware though that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. A lot of "dumpers" realise this after a while and then decide they want their ex's back. I think you need to work out exactly what you feel for her, is it worth throwing it all away just because you want some freedom in college? I am sure there is some sort of compromise where you can go out with friends, have time for your college work and also have a relationship too. and she is not controlling at all really, if I want to go out with my guy friends its fine, she doesnt even really mind if I have some friends that are girls. what I want, that wouldnt be allowed, is to play the field. I am feelin like, * * * * its college I want to play the field...but I still love my gf at the same time (or think I do =/) Link to comment
jasputan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 Listening to people about such important things is madness. Their own fears can play into their answers, and giving into fear, be it yours or someone elses, is disaster. You must make the decision yourself, for once you do it, you may not be able to undo it. And then go through with it knowing you decided it of your own will and instincts. Trust me- the best answer is to trust yourself. I see what youre saying here but it seems like everytime I think I have come to a decision it is switched around within 24 hrs =(. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I see what youre saying here but it seems like everytime I think I have come to a decision it is switched around within 24 hrs =(. Have you been isolating yourself to make these decisions? The reason for getting away is because we have to hear only our own voice to understanding our instincts. It's hard to do this with the television on, your friends telling you to stick it out or break up with her, people telling you what to do on message boards... Sometimes, the tyranny of the masses can cause us to do foolish things. I was a fool to listen to a friend suggest I had low self esteem and shouldn't be in a relationship. And in letting him do this, I was encouraged to break up with my GF at the time, a fact I deeply, deeply regret. I can't get angry at my friend, it was my fault for listening and being influenced by his advice. Avoid my mistake if you can. Link to comment
jasputan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 I have done both. Even when i am alone my mind cant seem to coe to a clear decision, I was laying in my bed last night before sleep thinking about it and I kept going back and forth. maybe the best idea would to be to just test it out. Take a month(ish) break and see if I really am happy playing the field, or if I find myself wishing I was with her. I just know this will hurt her and I care about her so much that I dont want to hurt her.. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I have done both. Even when i am alone my mind cant seem to coe to a clear decision, I was laying in my bed last night before sleep thinking about it and I kept going back and forth. maybe the best idea would to be to just test it out. Take a month(ish) break and see if I really am happy playing the field, or if I find myself wishing I was with her. I just know this will hurt her and I care about her so much that I dont want to hurt her.. Alright, but get comfortable with the fact that she will likely play the field as well. You cannot get angry at her if you are doing it as well. Good luck. Link to comment
jasputan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 I know, I wouldnt get angry with her, although I do think it may hurt me...but thats something I would have to be ok with if I decide to go through with it. Link to comment
jasper01 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Since you already told her what's going on see if you can reach an agreement together about what to do about this. A big reason breaking up can be awful is that there is a tendency for one person to make the decision. It doesn't have to be that way. Has she considered that she may not want to be with you either if this is how you really feel? Link to comment
jasputan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 I just talked with her and we decided to take a break, it still hurt her alot but its better to get it over with now than to hurt her more by continuosly putting it off. I am hoping that I will realize that being single and playing the field isnt as great as it may seem. She said that she wouldnt be able to be in a relationship with me if this is how I feel, so even though it kills her to do it she agrees that we should take a break. I just need to make sure that if I do decide to get back together with her that I am 1000000% percent sure because I do not want to hurt her again.... Link to comment
kuhl282000 Posted August 23, 2008 Share Posted August 23, 2008 People who want to be with each other are with each other ......their is a reason or reasons you're apart. Link to comment
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