Attention Mods. Isn't it time we stop censoring the Q word?

[Lucy__lou]

There's a word which the GLBT community have been using for donkeys years which starts with Q and which is a reclaimed perjorative term, that now refers to anyone who doesn't call themselves heterosexual.

 

I want to gather up support of people on this forum to uncensor the Q word.

 

whilst current dictionaries still define it in it's traditional sense, as either meaning odd, or a perjorative for male homosexual, the LGBT community use it, and there is no replacement for it, sot it's an important word for us to communicate ideas.

 

Maybe I'm naieve in thinking it's ok to start using it, and maybe some people will be offended.

 

what do people think? in a GLBT thread, are we allowed to use this word?

[DN]

Although gays and lesbians often use it among themselves there are still those who find it offensive when used by other people. Since there are alternatives there is no need to use it.

 

The forum software is not capable of allowing it in one sub-forum and not the others.

[greensleeves]

I think if it isn't offensive to any member of the GLBT community and they don't take offense to people who are not part of their community using it, then it should be allowed.

 

I'm curious though Lucy lou...is the word gay not considered a suitable replacement? Or does the q word have a different more narrow meaning? I'm not being difficult...I just really don't know and would like to

[Satsuma]

The word gay isnt used because it has become a insultive term such as 'oh that cd is so gay' for example. Many words are acceptable at one time and are not the next, thats language change for us. I learnt all about words like that in college.

[Cognitive_Canine]

The word gay isnt used because it has become a insultive term such as 'oh that cd is so gay' for example. Many words are acceptable at one time and are not the next, thats language change for us. I learnt all about words like that in college.

 

But, isn't the Q word still offensive? I have only ever heard it when it was an insult.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Sometimes, some African Americans refer to themselves and their friends with a very derogative word. I don't think ENA should start allowing that word just cos some may feel there's no replacement.

[Satsuma]

But, isn't the Q word still offensive? I have only ever heard it when it was an insult.

 

In todays society it is seen as a offensive term but not as bad as the word 'gay'. The Q word may be seen as acceptable to some homosexuals but many others find it offensive. Really there is no word that is neutral apart from 'homosexual'.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Haha i understand why it is banned and i do tend to agree with it being banned as im sure that some people - especially flamers - would use it in a negative way.

 

But i also agree that in a way the gblt community have kinda made a pun of those who use it that way. What used to offend them can't so much if they are using the word themselves. Well thats my opinion anyway.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Sometimes, some African Americans refer to themselves and their friends with a very derogative word. I don't think ENA should start allowing that word just cos some may feel there's no replacement.

 

That's what I was thinking when I read this too....

 

It isn't offensive within the community but it opens up a whole new can of worms when people start using it offensively.

[D_Lish]

Sometimes, some African Americans refer to themselves and their friends with a very derogative word. I don't think ENA should start allowing that word just cos some may feel there's no replacement.

 

^^I agree.

[greensleeves]

The word gay isnt used because it has become a insultive term such as 'oh that cd is so gay' for example. Many words are acceptable at one time and are not the next, thats language change for us. I learnt all about words like that in college.

 

Thank you for answering my question. I honestly had no idea that the word gay was now considered offensive

[jettison]

Please take it from someone who lives in San Francisco (going on 13 years), lives with a lesbian roommate who happens to chair a local GLBT chapter at her school (and lived with two others in the past), has 3 gay neighbors, has at least 20 gay friends (and counting), and is going to a gay wedding in October. The Q word is NOT offensive. It has been taken back, reclaimed, cleaned as if had run through your computer's Norton Anti-virus, and it's now ready for mass consumption. If you're still thinking this word is offensive then it's akin to running the Windows 95 operating system on your computer.

 

The only people that find this word offensive are heterosexuals who know very, very little about the gay community, and homosexuals if said in an obviously hateful tone/manner by a straight or gay person. Sometimes, treating a word with such reverence, and making it a bad/dirty word, actually ends up giving unnecessary negative power to the word. The longer we pretend like this word doesn't exist, that it is meant for back alley and should never see the light of day, the longer it remains in the hands of those nefarious folks who would use it negatively as a slight on someone not like them.

 

I don't trust that this post will get listened to, but it's the truth.

[agent1607307371]

The q word has a much broader meaning and is used by people when they are not just referring to their sexuality but also their gender.

 

It's how I personally identify, because as I like to say, I am odd.

 

That said, I understand that boards like this generally have to insure that the more sensitive posters aren't offended or made uncomfortable, and while I'd like to be able to use that word about myself without getting a warning, I can see why they do so.

 

 

Also, I don't feel that comparing the q word with the n word is particularly helpful, as the latter has a far stronger history of hate behind it. And the OP wasn't suggesting that it be used indiscriminately on the board, but specifically within the GLBT forum.

 

Also, you have to respect that when you are posting on boards on the internet they aren't democracies but (generally) benign dictatorships. You want to play then you play by the mods rules.

[greensleeves]

Okay...now I'm really confused. Every year Toronto has a Pride Parade, Pride week etc. I just visited some sites, and they still use the word gay on the sites. What word is acceptable for a heterosexual to use? I don't want to ever offend anyone

[jettison]

Sometimes, some African Americans refer to themselves and their friends with a very derogative word. I don't think ENA should start allowing that word just cos some may feel there's no replacement.

 

You're absolutely correct, but if the NAACP renamed themselves to the NAA"The N Word"P, then eventually, even that term would lose all it's dark power and become rather insignificant. A lot of Caucasians have this misperception that some in the African American use that term because they are either ignorant, or vile, or both. In truth, most African Americans who use that term with each other do so because it completely takes away the power of that word has in the hands of a white person. There is some pretty thoughtful, and well-reasoned literature out there that makes a compelling case for this argument.

 

Really, you can't compare that orange to this apple. The homosexual community openly calls themself the Q word in all its literature, banners, in parades, in books, to each other, to their family, to their neighbors. And again, if you don't see this it just means that you don't have any strong connections to that community. No harm in that, but why not drag in the 21st century?

[Satsuma]

Okay...now I'm really confused. Every year Toronto has a Pride Parade, Pride week etc. I just visited some sites, and they still use the word gay on the sites. What word is acceptable for a heterosexual to use? I don't want to ever offend anyone

 

There isnt a neutral word for addressing homosexuals because some words considered acceptable by some are not to others. It is a hard subject/debate and it will never have a clear answer.

[agent1607307371]

Okay...now I'm really confused. Every year Toronto has a Pride Parade, Pride week etc. I just visited some sites, and they still use the word gay on the sites. What word is acceptable for a heterosexual to use? I don't want to ever offend anyone

 

You can use gay.

 

The problem is that some lovely people (some endorsed by the bbc even) have been reclaiming the word for the negative sense. But it's all about context and tone.

 

I wouldn't worry about it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I guess I am just super worried about offending anyone.

 

Sort of just waiting for people to tell me that it's not offensive to them and I'm okay to use it.

 

However, I'd rather not use the word and not offend anyone than use the word and anger many.

[jettison]

Okay...now I'm really confused. Every year Toronto has a Pride Parade, Pride week etc. I just visited some sites, and they still use the word gay on the sites. What word is acceptable for a heterosexual to use? I don't want to ever offend anyone

 

Everything is about tone and context. Words are just words. It's like arguing whether people kill people or guns kill people. A gun is just a gun. Give it to a murderous person and it becomes an evil prop. There is nothing wrong with the word gay. It's just a word. If you put it in a negative context then it becomes ugly. I know that we're all smart enough to tell the difference here.

[greensleeves]

Thanks everyone for clearing that up for me.

[jettison]

I guess I am just super worried about offending anyone.

 

Sort of just waiting for people to tell me that it's not offensive to them and I'm okay to use it.

 

However, I'd rather not use the word and not offend anyone than use the word and anger many.

 

This is a very interesting, worthwhile topic. Think about the times in your lives when you've been around someone, anyone, and you've been worried about offending them. In those times, how close were you able to get to them? Do you imagine that they felt your uneasiness? Could you sense the distance?

 

Osho says that "hate is not the opposite of love. Fear is the opposite of love." We will all do very well to live by those words. You will never get close to a person or to a group if you are worried about offending them. It won't happen. In fact, they will be uneasy around you in return simply because they can sense your uneasiness. They might even be tempted to say, "relax friend... it's ok".

 

If you've ever seen a politically correct, straight white person try to interact with a group of either obviously homosexual men, or a group of all African American men, you can see the uneasiness written all over their faces and bodies, and you can hear it in their voice. They overcompensate. They go soooo far out of their way to appear polite and affable, that it all comes off like a big act. The fake smile and fake words don't mask the extreme uneasiness. Homosexuals are JUST LIKE YOU. They aren't any different. We are the same. In fact, if you're a straight man then you have sooooo much in common with lesbians for example.

 

My old housemate and I had the exact same taste in women for example. It was a hoot. It was like a contest to guess who was straight or gay. We like the same things. The more you keep looking at people as belonging to some specialized group rather then just looking at them as "just another person" then the farther away they will become for you.

 

I could walk into a gay bar, as a straight person, and call a homosexual man the "F-" word after only a few minutes, and I can almost guarantee you that I wouldn't offend. I'd get a drink bought for me. This is because it's going to be written all over my face. I have no ill intent, I come with no metaphorical weapons, no agenda, and I see this person as someone who is just as real as my father or brother. When someone is genuine then you know it.

 

/rant

 

Sorry, but this topic always speaks to me.

[DN]

I have two gay friends - they are partners and have been for some time.

 

They do object when people use that term who are not gay because it was so pejorative.

 

I don't think anyone has the right to speak for all gays.

[annie24]

slightly off topic, but i also post on the weight watchers forums. it's funny the words that aren't allowed there, including: porn, crap, beaver.

 

i wrote a post about some incredibly decadent meal i had and then called that 'food-porn' but that got censored!!! and i can't say i've had a 'crappy day' either. i call it a 'carpy day', lol.

 

the funniest, is of course, beaver. you can't call someone an 'eager beaver.' so, we have to call them an 'eager dam-building animal.'

 

they're not even more strictly moderated than we are. i've seen some incredibly offensive posts being written, reported them, and the mods there don't remove them.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I have two gay friends - they are partners and have been for some time.

 

They do object when people use that term who are not gay because it was so pejorative.

 

I don't think anyone has the right to speak for all gays.

 

Yeah, I've been chewed out before by someone I would have considered a friend because I crossed a line and said the word "homo" around them.... I wasn't using it as a slur either. He used to call me the B word all the time in an endearing way (That's how he'd answer the phone when I called), so, I was very confused by it. But, I still feel like it was my fault.

 

It's hard because everyone has their own boundaries.

[D_Lish]

I have two gay friends - they are partners and have been for some time.

 

They do object when people use that term who are not gay because it was so pejorative.

 

I don't think anyone has the right to speak for all gays.

 

I have a relative who is gay and he doesn't like the 'q' word either. And I wouldn't refer to him, nor call him by the 'q' word....

 

To call him by the 'q' word, is to refer to him as being 'odd' and in my eyes he isn't 'odd'....just another member of the race known as 'human'....