Red49 Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 The post at the bottom of this page about Borderline women made a lot of sense to me, I could relate to it a lot. I would often wonder if my ex had BPD, but I'm not a doctor, I don't know for sure. After reading the link that was posted, as well as the other articles on that site about BPD, I feel very confused. It brought up a lot of questions. It has me questioning the authenticity of our relationship. If she had/has BPD, does that mean that everything she said while we were together wasn't true? The impression I got from that article made it sound like it doesn't matter what guy a woman with BPD is with...it made it sound like they treat anyone they're with the same exact way. She did make me feel special when we were together, saying her boyfriend before me was never anyone important to her. And she said she was scared in the past, and that was why we weren't together (I had known her for a while, we broke up, and then got back together after 6 years). I'm not so sure what to believe now. Even though the relationship has ended, it hurts to read that article and think that it might have been all meaningless to her, or nothing as special as she made it seem. I hate to think that it was all just a bunch of lies, over the course of 10 years knowing this girl. Maybe it doesn't matter now, at this point. But to read that article just kind of messed me up a little. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 I would just say that there is no use trying to over-analyze this situation. If it's over, then who cares what she thought the whole time? I mean, really, what does it matter? Let it go, pick up the pieces as best you can, and move on to someone whom you will never have to wonder like this about...good luck. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 I would just say that there is no use trying to over-analyze this situation. If it's over, then who cares what she thought the whole time? I mean, really, what does it matter? Let it go, pick up the pieces as best you can, and move on to someone whom you will never have to wonder like this about...good luck. I second this. What use is it to worry? It'll only hurt you. Take the good and cherish it, learn from the bad and put it away in the past. And then move on. Link to comment
Red49 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 Well the reason I care is because it's been 10 years. We weren't together for 10 years, but we were in eachother's lives in some way or another during that time. Someone mentioned it above, that I didn't live a lie that entire time. That is what I was worried about, and that is what I was getting at with my post. I met her when I was 18, so to have the same feelings for someone for 10 years, and to still have them around all that time, in one way or another (up until recently) is a long time for me. It would just be disappointing to think that it never meant anything she said it meant, and that it was all a lie. That is what I meant. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Well the reason I care is because it's been 10 years. We weren't together for 10 years, but we were in eachother's lives in some way or another during that time. Someone mentioned it above, that I didn't live a lie that entire time. That is what I was worried about, and that is what I was getting at with my post. I met her when I was 18, so to have the same feelings for someone for 10 years, and to still have them around all that time, in one way or another (up until recently) is a long time for me. It would just be disappointing to think that it never meant anything she said it meant, and that it was all a lie. That is what I meant. Do you feel better knowing that it wasn't a lie to her? I'm sorry that you are going through a rough time, but don't dwell on the past. You owe yourself more than that. Link to comment
Red49 Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 Yes, I would feel a little better knowing it wasn't a lie. As backwards as it might sound, I think it would be easier to accept, and to move on and let it go, if I knew that at least it was real at the time, and that I wasn't secretly screwed over and lied to over the course of 10 years. I mean what would be easier for you to accept? That the past 10 years was true and meaningful, something real and honest but that it just came to an end...or that you were lied to and it was nothing special at all and never meant much to the other person? I think it's obvious which one of those would be easier, right? Link to comment
auburnslp Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 yes. I see where you are coming from. But the only point I was making is that if we look too long into the rear-view mirror, trying to see what just went by more clearly, then we can lose sight of what is ahead. That endeavor can be unhealthy, and in the long run, meaningless...which is more important? But if it helps you gain closure, then good luck finding the truth...I just don't and can't see how you can find the truth about it all-I don't know if it is possible, and it seems you are spending a lot of time trying to figure out something that may always be a mystery...and I will then go back to my original statement-it doesn't matter. Begin to look forward and begin to look less into what's past... Link to comment
auburnslp Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 and honestly? Personally for me I would have it easier if I found out that it was all a lie. I could just chalk it up to it being the wrong girl for me, a mistake, and move on. But either way it's hard. Sorry you are going through this because I know it hurts like absolute hell. Link to comment
Red49 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 I know what you're saying, and I know it's not healthy to dwell on the past, but it would be hard to chalk up 10 years of someone in your life as just a lie. Someone who you've shared so much with, and have been friends with, as well as romantic partners. It goes deeper than just some girl I dated. We had a real friendship, and to suddenly not have them in your life is unsettling and painful. My mind seems to want something to make sense, to have answers, but like you said, it doesn't always work that way. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 unfortunately you are right. That desire to make sense of it all can completely absorb us in times like this. And honestly, you just have to ride this out. It's gonna get better brother, just takes time. Link to comment
Jetta Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 She spent 10 years with you, that's not nothing. You're relationship was not meaningless to her. She's not lying to you about her feelings, but keep in mind feelings do change. Link to comment
Red49 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 To be clear, we didn't date for 10 years. But we were in eachothers lives, in one way or another, for 10 years. We started as friends, and it ended up becoming romantic, then that ended. We tried being friends after that, but it didn't really work, but we were able to stay in touch every now and then. Until almost 7 years went by, we somehow ended up back together again as romantic partners, but then that ended again. But this time around, staying just friends isn't an option for me. So it's been really hard. But thanks for all the replies. Link to comment
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