What is he trying to tell me?

[take_the_reins]

heya,

Any comments or advice would be taken greatfully !

Here goes .... my b/f broke up with me on saturday .... because he says our relationship has changed ... but .. everytime we see eachother ... he kisses me .. holds my hand and basically acts like we're a couple (still) but he doesnt want to get back with me .... as much as it hurst to admit ... is he using me ? or is he just confused in what he wants ? even his friends look confused when they walk in an we're together .... any clues on what i should do ?!?!

 

Thanks for reading

 

Mrsmalakian x

[akatoro]

Hey, Malako.

 

I am not sure why he keeps kissing you..

But holding hands and such contact could just be because the mind/hand is used to that sort of connection. You've been together for so long and and held hands and hugged while talking to eachother, perhaps it is just a way to put "power" behind his words and to show that he is honest in what he says?

 

My ex broke up with me some months ago but we still had contact every other week afterwards (We still have some contact but not as frequent). Twice I found myself holding her hands in mine and when we sat face-to-face, I even found myself with a hand on her knee once. At that time I was trying to tell her that I was happy for what she had given me and I guess that my subconscious just wanted to make contact and make my words more meaningful.

I'm not sure, but it would seem logical to me.

It could also perhaps be that I wanted to feel her presense in my hand one last time. The hands are, after all, the best tool to feel and identify things with.

 

And I agree with SwingFox in that if you do not like, or want, him to kiss you, don't give him a chance to do so. Turn your head or look down.

 

I hope things will work out for you.

Good luck,

Respectfully //

Akatoro.

[neallo82288]

You did not mention how often you see each other. I have gone through this recently myself and all you can do is either go with the flow or break away. It is your choice. My ex came up to my bar to hang out and see me a week after we broke up. She said she missed me and wanted to see me again. Well, we spent the weekend together and the following week she said some terrible stuff to me. So, you musst be careful and keep your heart at a distance or you will get burnt. If you are feeling uncomfortable by being around him then just break away and go with no contact. Might speed up his thinking. Will, also, help if you two never get back together.

 

As for why he is doing it? Well, it seems that you are a stable figure in his past. He has told you that he is uncertain about things, but he is clining to the past because he is uncertain about himself and your relationship. I would do as swing fox said stop kissing him and see how he reacts. You need to separate his actions from his words. What he tells you and how he acts around you are two different things and should be treated as such.

 

Which do you believe? his actions or his words? Look at it this way:

What would you do if someone told you that they love you but still goes out and cheats on you?

What would you do if somebody said they hated you, but you found out that they were sitting at home crying because you were not in their life?

 

You have got to ask him what is going on to find out how he truly feels about you and react to his statements.

 

If he says that he doesn't want to be with you then go with no contact

 

If he says he just doesn't know go with no contact, because he needs to be reminded of what he is going to lose if he doesn't make up his mind

 

If he says that he wants to get back with you then you must decide if that is truly what you want.

 

Good Luck

[take_the_reins]

heya .. thank all of you .... first of all.... we se eachother quite a lot ... 4- 5 times a weeks ... he rings me and asks me to go down .... i am in love with him .. and i love spending time with him and kissing him .. but the fact that at anytime he could just turn away .. crushes me ... it confuses me cause he wanted to break up with me .. and i didnt .. but now hes the one ringing me and "accdently" turning up at places that he knows im going to be ... but when i ask him ... why .. he says its best for us not to be together !!!!!!!!!! ARGHH!!!!!

i dont understand him on bit

help ?!?! anyone

Thanx

Mrsmalakian x

[ilinara]

I don't think he is using you. I had once a boyfriend that told me similiar stuff like I don't want to hurt you and stuff you would tell when you want to break up. I was very young and didn't understand why he was telling me that and after a while he wanted that we break up. We were still seeing each other and after two very painful months, started again. Later it turned out he was still in love with another woman that he even had wanted to marry. It had been months that they were not together anymore but he couldn't get over it and I guess I was feeling it and was reacting to him because I could feel something is missing.

I would try to find out why he thinks this is best for you. I have another girlfriend that has lived something similiar to this. Her boyfriend wanted to break up and they kept seeing each other, after the girl started with someone else he decided he wants her back and they are together now.

He has feelings for you but has a problem, too, maybe it is not you but only him.