Question for Ladies who have used or currently use online dating

[ConfusedDater]

why do think some women don't like to receiving a FLIRT message on a dating site?? You know the type of message that's not a real email but kind of a ice breaker? I mean I thought the purpose of those kind of messages was for a guy to know if you are attracted to him first so he can then send a regular reply. I don't think no guy wants to sit there and type a paragraph and then not get a reply back from her at all.

 

 

Also ladies, do you like to hear that you are PRETTY in the first sentence of a reply when a guy send you a message?

[bulletproof]

I have only dabbled briefly in online dating, but I would guess that some women don't like a flirt because it is sort of meaningless, on some level. They probably are using it a gauge for how serious you are about contacting them. But it's not all women that feel like this, so it is probably a personal preference. They want to see if you actually take the time to write an actual email. If you are looking like it's a waste of time to write a simple paragraph without getting something back, then you might want to reconsider online dating.

 

I don't think I would *dislike* being told I'm pretty, but I would much prefer being told that a guy found my profile interesting or intriguing. Pretty is a bit shallow, and also irrelevant as to whether we'd connect in real life.

[ConfusedDater]

I have only dabbled briefly in online dating, but I would guess that some women don't like a flirt because it is sort of meaningless, on some level. They probably are using it a gauge for how serious you are about contacting them. But it's not all women that feel like this, so it is probably a personal preference. They want to see if you actually take the time to write an actual email. If you are looking like it's a waste of time to write a simple paragraph without getting something back, then you might want to reconsider online dating.

 

I don't think I would *dislike* being told I'm pretty, but I would much prefer being told that a guy found my profile interesting or intriguing. Pretty is a bit shallow, and also irrelevant as to whether we'd connect in real life.

 

 

But in public, I wouldn't start running off at the mouth until I kind of flirt with the girl and give her a sexy look and a smile so I can see if it's any point and walking up and talking to her. So i thought it was the same online, because even thought a flirt is kind of a automated message, it still shows INTEREST and I thought that's what everyone likes to receive especially after PAYING for a membership.

[ghost69]

maybe, just maybe the girl looked at your profile and you weren't her type. she doesn't owe you squat cause you flirted.

[D_Lish]

Also ladies, do you like to hear that you are PRETTY in the first sentence of a reply when a guy send you a message?

 

I didn't mind hearing it 'once' and in an opening sentence....but I don't want to hear it repeated, over and over.

 

Some guys go on and on, in regard to how attractive they may find me....and for me it was 'offputting'.....so much so, that these guys never got a reply.

 

I want to be liked for who I am, not what I look like...

[ConfusedDater]

maybe, just maybe the girl looked at your profile and you weren't her type. she doesn't owe you squat cause you flirted.

 

No I'm saying that a lot of women want you to sit there and type a paragraph without knowing if you are their type. So if I send a flirt and don't get a reply then i have my answer and no time was wasted.

[ghost69]

No I'm saying that a lot of women want you to sit there and type a paragraph without knowing if you are their type. So if I send a flirt and don't get a reply then i have my answer and no time was wasted.

 

then why are you asking?

[jenny_mcs]

I imagine that if a woman is attractive, she probably gets lots of these, so maybe she only replies to the guys who actually took the time to type a paragraph or 2.

[ccali78]

I am thinking about doing online dating and I would not respond to a flirt if I was not interested. That is it... I would read the profile and see if we were interested in the same things and looks do count somewhat... Although personality is everything

[ConfusedDater]

then why are you asking?

 

 

Just curious because I would love to get a flirt since it would show my money is not being wasted

[hockeyboy]

if you mean those options most of the sites have where you just hit a button to let someone know your interested, but don't actually send them a message or anything...it's because you can easily send 100's of women those things and just sit and wait for responses...where as if you send a message, you are actually taking the time to say hi and say something...engage in a conversation.

[ConfusedDater]

I am thinking about doing online dating and I would not respond to a flirt if I was not interested. That is it... I would read the profile and see if we were interested in the same things and looks do count somewhat... Although personality is everything

 

 

I wanted to send a woman a nasty message for replying back to my original reply which was NOT a flirt just so she can say THANK YOU to my compliments. That kind of annoyed me but I told myself to let it go. I would rather someone send NOTHING than Thank you.

[ghost69]

Just curious because I would love to get a flirt since it would show my money is not being wasted

 

you and the money again. *shakes head*

[bulletproof]

You really need to get over this obsession with the money aspect. If you're uncomfortable paying to date, then stop doing it. But obsessing over the money aspect every step of the way is just hindering your progress. It's a really negative attitude.

 

Overall, you seem much more concerned with what you're going to get in return from someone as opposed to what you're actually giving/bringing to the table. This is a very difficult approach to life, and an especially difficult approach to dating.

[ccali78]

I am confused by what you are saying. You flirted with a woman. She said thank you for the compliment and now you want to send her a nasty message. If I took the time to say Thank you for the compliment that means I am starting a conversation, but shy just me.

 

SO if you are not intestested in her or just not mean do not send anything nasty. It is hard enough to get on one of these sites than to have someone send a nasty message...

[ghost69]

I wanted to send a woman a nasty message for replying back to my original reply which was NOT a flirt just so she can say THANK YOU to my compliments. That kind of annoyed me but I told myself to let it go. I would rather someone send NOTHING than Thank you.

 

quit complaining. you signed up for it.

[hockeyboy]

I wanted to send a woman a nasty message for replying back to my original reply which was NOT a flirt just so she can say THANK YOU to my compliments. That kind of annoyed me but I told myself to let it go. I would rather someone send NOTHING than Thank you.

 

I don't even know what to say here

[ConfusedDater]

You really need to get over this obsession with the money aspect. If you're uncomfortable paying to date, then stop doing it. But obsessing over the money aspect every step of the way is just hindering your progress. It's a really negative attitude.

 

Overall, you seem much more concerned with what you're going to get in return from someone as opposed to what you're actually giving/bringing to the table. This is a very difficult approach to life, and an especially difficult approach to dating.

 

 

WAIT A SECOND, I'm not supposed to spend money wisely????? So I'm just supposed to throw money away and just be happy that I joined a dating site for 30 days and out of that 30 days no dates came out of it? The purpose of me paying is so I can go on a date with someone so if I don't achieve that goal then I don;t renew the membership and never go to the site again.

[ccali78]

That choice is yours and from the sounds of thing it does not sound like you are ready for one of those sites...

[ConfusedDater]

I am confused by what you are saying. You flirted with a woman. She said thank you for the compliment and now you want to send her a nasty message. If I took the time to say Thank you for the compliment that means I am starting a conversation, but shy just me.

 

SO if you are not intestested in her or just not mean do not send anything nasty. It is hard enough to get on one of these sites than to have someone send a nasty message...

 

But what kind of reply is that? Thanks?? OOOOOOOK??? can you tell me something about yourself?? How is it not easy to take that as-"Thanks for the compliment but you are not my type" And if that's the case it's fine but don;t send me a thank you and nothing else like I exist to make you feel like a QUEEN. I never liked those replies

[ConfusedDater]

That choice is yours and from the sounds of thing it does not sound like you are ready for one of those sites...

 

The strange thing is most 85% of my dates come from the free sites. But it only seems to happened once i PAY for a pay site-lol If i just relied on the free sites and nothing else, i'm sure I would never meet anyone on there.

[bulletproof]

WAIT A SECOND, I'm not supposed to spend money wisely????? So I'm just supposed to throw money away and just be happy that I joined a dating site for 30 days and out of that 30 days no dates came out of it? The purpose of me paying is so I can go on a date with someone so if I don't achieve that goal then I don;t renew the membership and never go to the site again.

 

Nowhere in my post did I say you aren't supposed to spend money wisely. What I am saying is that you might have to make efforts that are not going to have immediate paybacks. It should be viewed as an investment. It *may* find you what you want, and it may not. There are no guarantees in life and nobody owes you anything. And yes, if you are finding that a particular site isn't getting you the results you want, by all means, end the membership.

 

If you view it as throwing money away, then why do it? And if you want a relationship as badly as you say you do, then why would you view it as throwing money away just because you haven't achieved the results you want just yet? You need patience, and also to take the advice people give you here so that you can actually get some results. But you seem too stubborn to do so.

[ghost69]

WAIT A SECOND, I'm not supposed to spend money wisely????? So I'm just supposed to throw money away and just be happy that I joined a dating site for 30 days and out of that 30 days no dates came out of it? The purpose of me paying is so I can go on a date with someone so if I don't achieve that goal then I don;t renew the membership and never go to the site again.

 

i thought the purpose of the site was to help people that either can't handle outside interaction, people with limited time (busy), people that refuse to go outside and try, etc can have a chance. nothing is guaranteed man.

[ghost69]

The strange thing is most 85% of my dates come from the free sites. But it only seems to happened once i PAY for a pay site-lol If i just relied on the free sites and nothing else, i'm sure I would never meet anyone on there.

 

then stick with the free sites and quit complaining.

[ccali78]

From me I would not bother saying thanks if I was not intersted....