Tamoko Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 About 3 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend. The very next day I discovered that I was pregnant. I told him that I would never hold something like a child from him and I also do not believe in abortions. Because of this I asked him if we could work things out and try to make it work because of the baby. AKA I only got back with him for the baby. We're supposed to be fixing the upstairs apartment. For the past 3 month, while pregnant, I've been asking him to help me paint/clean.move furniture up and down the stairs but he has refused. I know I was not supposed to do these things while with child but if he's not going to do it I have to. It has to get done. Well, 1 week ago I had a miscarriage. And I do blame him. And he feels I have no right to blame him. Also, how do I tell him I only got back with him because of the baby. But now there is no baby. I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 I vote just be honest. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 Just get out of that situation. You should never have been moving furniture, etc while pregnant and your first trimester is the riskiest. I am moving into my bf's house and I am 9 weeks pregnant. He wont let me do anything but pack. I have helped out just a couple of times with larger pieces of furniture, but only for a minute and I havent done it more that 4 times. There is no way that he would EVER let me move stuff on my own. If your bf really cared about you and the baby, he would never have allowed you to do this stuff either, he would have done it himself. Link to comment
Tamoko Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 I was honest with him today. He has a concert to preform tomorrow night so I wanted to wait to discuss things with him but he kept prying. What was discussed today... He said I was too opinionated and bossy. But how is suggesting something to be helpful being bossy? I never tell someone they HAVE to do it a certain way but to try a different way if the way they're trying is giving them complications. This is a daily issue with anything he does. My mother raised me to be an independent, opinionated woman. He understands it but hates it and would rather I keep my mouth shut. When he was asking me why he was still here I told him that 'I don't know. I can't answer that for you' and then he want off on a rant saying he knows why hes here but he wants to know why i think he's here. I just told him that I don't care anymore. I just DON'T CARE. I love him, I'm not IN love with him. I care deeply about him. It is so hard to hurt someone you care so much about it-especially when they continuously try to fix it. When we fight, he's the only one yelling. I keep a level head and a calm tone. He accuses me of showing no emotion and would refuse to leave the house; continuing to argue for hours trying to get some sort of explanation out of me. When I do explain he says it's bull * * * * and assumes there's more when there isint. I've broken up with him 3 times and he keeps trying to fix it, saying he'll change. And he does at first but I'm tired of it. I'm also having a hard time with this because his family is helping us with our apartment-I love his family and they love me. I keep telling myself I'm dating him. Not his family. But it's hard to hurt the people who have accepted you as one of their own. I'm also finding other men attractive. I'd rather be at work then be at home. And just for myself and ya'll i'm going to list the pros and cons of the relationship... PROS he's very affectionate. he loves me for me-my body, my mind. CONS he's childish with his money. his priorities are not right for someone his age or for where this relationship is headed. he's selfish. he's lazy. he procrastinates. he messy. he steals [little things. I don't want to think he'd lie to me but if he says he doesn't know or didn't do it I believe him. But who else could it be..?]. he doesn't help with what matters. he more concerned with getting what he wants first [ex-I was spotting and all he could do was complain to me about how he was out of smokes. Didn't even question the spotting.] I'v never really looked at the pros and cons of him before.. this is bad. Link to comment
Tamoko Posted August 21, 2008 Author Share Posted August 21, 2008 Just get out of that situation. You should never have been moving furniture, etc while pregnant and your first trimester is the riskiest. I am moving into my bf's house and I am 9 weeks pregnant. He wont let me do anything but pack. I have helped out just a couple of times with larger pieces of furniture, but only for a minute and I havent done it more that 4 times. There is no way that he would EVER let me move stuff on my own. If your bf really cared about you and the baby, he would never have allowed you to do this stuff either, he would have done it himself. I wish he was like that How do you break up with someone who yells and screams about the situation and keeps digging for answers and keeps trying to fix it. Its so hard and frustrating. I hate hurting him-I just wish he would screw up so I wouldn't be the bad guy. It's not that I don't want to be the bad guy-I know how much it hurts to have your heart shattered when you don't understand why so I don't want to do that to someone else. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 First, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Second, he sounds like a terrible candidate for a partner. I would just tell him outright it isn't working and the reasons why, and just break up with him. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 You just tell him it is not negotiable and that you're done. Make arrangements to move out or have him move out, then go forward and stop responding to his contact. You have a right to choose to break up with him, especially after all that has happened. Just remember that and be firm with him. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 I also am very sorry for what has happened what you're going through. I concur with BeStrongBeHappy. You tell this guy it's over, done, nada. You make arrangements so that he is no longer with you. You do not accept his contact nor make contact with him. Sure... it's hard to do. But this guy sounds like a real tool. You need to move on and find someone who wants to be with you. Link to comment
lilsmc Posted August 21, 2008 Share Posted August 21, 2008 now that there is no baby, then there isnt a reason for you to stay with him. He sounds like someone who doesnt like to take blame for his mistakes. Link to comment
Tamoko Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 He called while I was at work and I told him.. It was a mistake getting pregnant and getting back with you. I only got back with you because of the baby. There is no baby. He kept saying how it's not his fault--and I kept telling him if he helped me work upstairs instead of letting me do all the stuff by myself we would still have a child. I told him I did not want him to be the father of my children-that he was a bad father-------then he hung up on me. I was going to say father FIGURE. I dont think he;s a sutiable father figure for our child. He has 2 children. a 4yr old daughter he sees once a week, 9AM-6PM and he only sees her once a month because he's too lazy to wake up and go to his grandmas house. He has a 1 yr old son he never sees. how can I not feel he's a good father figure? He's crushed. I'm not going to accept his calls. he'll try to fix it and I don't want it fixed. I hope this is the end of it. Now I need to find 2 roomies. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 No contact honey. Avoid any and all attempts. This is about you now. You feeling better, it's no longer about him. He's gone. We're here for you. You hit the nail on the head. He is a bad father as well as a bad father figure, remember that. Just look at what he does with his current children. This is not the kind of man (loosely said) that you want to rise children with. Link to comment
Tamoko Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 Let me talk about my first night alone as a single woman-- I came home from work around 10:30. Got into my pajamas and watched a few movies. It was nice waking up and not being smothered or harassed for attention; it was nice..that my cigarettes were not missing when I woke up. My room smelt like actual AIR for once. I had a nice sound sleep. And I feel great right now. Wait, not great... relieved. Breaking up over the phone isint the right way to do it but it went so much smoother. Link to comment
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