We love eachother, but the intimacy is gone.

[This Guy]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We're on the verge of breaking up because she finds that she cannot beome arroused by me. This is an ongoing problem from around the time where we had first went through an entire episode of other dramas (which has lasted roughly 2 years.) See, the thing is, I was never the ideal boyfriend, in fact I was planets away. She was always dedicated to me and the relationship, and when I was going through my own issues, she fought for us to be together.

 

Now that this problem has arrisen, I feel that it is my respnsibility to do the same. Like I mentioned before, I was a horrible boyfriend and person in general, but for the sake of this relationship, my love for her, and the future that I believe we can share, I've changed.

 

Now that we're both going to genuinly try to make this relationship wotk, we've decided that it's best to get some third party advice. What will it take for her to become attracted to me again. (No I'm not an ugly guy.)

[romeo1546]

Well what caused her attraction to fade? That could help explain why she isn't anymore and could help us give you the best answer how to arouse her for sure and pick things back up with you two...

 

If you're comfortable sharing your own issues and the episode of other dramas, please do! That could help shed light on some of the situation for us

[This Guy]

Well, she admits that she can't get turned on by me, and for a while, we both assumed that her affliction was part of a disorder. To say the very least, I responded to this in a very negative way, and my reaction forced her to try to be someone she is not.

 

I believe that she has too many bad memories and images of me from the past, and these are clouding her view of me now. We've always fought about petty things but the sex was always a problem. I always wanted it, and she was never comfortable. We had many issues trying to find a middle ground.

 

I'm ready to commit myself to a sexless relationship, but this isn't actually what she wants. She does want to have sex, but at the moment, it doesn't seem to be with me. (You have no idea how much this hurts my pride to admit this.)

[greensleeves]

I don't think living is a sexless relationship is the answer. Maybe the two of you could go and see a marriage counselor to help figure this out. You both want things to improve, so that's a big plus.

[Seraphim]

Ok her not being able to get arroused by you has ZERO to do with your looks OR the fact that she has a disorder it has far more to do with the fact that you were not nice to her. This can be a killer of attraction without a doubt. Once you have been mean to the point they they no longer have sexual feelings for you, it is over. I hate to say it but she may never resurect sexual feelings for you ever again.

[This Guy]

This is exactly why I didn't want to post anything on a site like this. I'm sure those who have responded have done so with the best intentions, but you have minimal information regarding the types of people we are and how we truly feel. No offense, but if this is your best advice, I honestly hope for the best in your own long term relationships and marriages. It's going to be one hell of a trip.

 

I think I've found my solution, and the person who helped me was (not surprisingly) my love. No scar in life is irrepairable, and confiding in silly comments like the one above (again, no offense) would only be a hasty and irresponsible move on my part.

 

Thank you for all of the input. As far as I'm concerned, you may consider this thread closed.

[greensleeves]

This is exactly why I didn't want to post anything on a site like this. I'm sure those who have responded have done so with the best intentions, but you have minimal information regarding the types of people we are and how we truly feel. No offense, but if this is your best advice, I honestly hope for the best in your own long term relationships and marriages. It's going to be one hell of a trip.

 

I think I've found my solution, and the person who helped me was (not surprisingly) my love. No scar in life is irrepairable, and confiding in silly comments like the one above (again, no offense) would only be a hasty and irresponsible move on my part.

 

Thank you for all of the input. As far as I'm concerned, you may consider this thread closed.

 

WTH? You were asked by the first poster for additional information which you didn't provide. You touched on the fact that you had issues, hadn't been an ideal boyfriend, and that there had been problems for two years which you didn't elaborate on. All of these things are likely very relevant to the fact that she's no longer sexually attracted to you. And despite the fact that the first poster asked for additional information because it would shed more light on why she was feeling this way, you didn't feel it was important enough to respond. The advice that was given was based on the very limited information you provided. You then make such a negative comment as "No offense, but if this is your best advice, I honestly hope for the best in your own long term relationships and marriages. It's going to be one hell of a trip." If this is how you conduct yourself in your life, all I can say is that I'm not surprised by your situation. Sheeesh.

[kuhl282000]

Dear Not Ugly Guy

 

Like I mentioned before, I was a horrible boyfriend and person in general, but for the sake of this relationship, my love for her, and the future that I believe we can share, I've changed

 

I think that is a good thing ......before I broke up ...i did not realize at the time that maybe I was not the ideal boyfriend myself ....and I loved the ground she walked on

she was the one ...but she always seemed to want more.....and I was unable to give her what she wanted ......I always felt she felt she could do better then me ......even though i knew no one would love her as much as me .....

 

I'm glad for you sounds like a fresh start .......put the past failures behind you and look to the future for the possibilities .....and be a better boyfriend this time.....you're one of the lucky ones you get a 2nd chance ....use it wisely

 

Good luck

[Daegas]

This is exactly why I didn't want to post anything on a site like this. I'm sure those who have responded have done so with the best intentions, but you have minimal information regarding the types of people we are and how we truly feel. No offense, but if this is your best advice, I honestly hope for the best in your own long term relationships and marriages. It's going to be one hell of a trip.

 

I think I've found my solution, and the person who helped me was (not surprisingly) my love. No scar in life is irrepairable, and confiding in silly comments like the one above (again, no offense) would only be a hasty and irresponsible move on my part.

 

Thank you for all of the input. As far as I'm concerned, you may consider this thread closed.

Dude, you just slam an entire board based on (what you perceive as) lousy advice. You think all marriage counselors only give good advice? Think again. The world is full of lousy advice given by professionals.

 

That said, I applaud your insight, as well as your commitment (I doubt your 19 tough).

 

You said you were a horrible person, does this hold her back to share certain things with you? Are you open & honest towards each other with regards to feelings? If so, you may need to work on the trust you & her have. Also, have you recently done new and exciting stuff together? The human brain is wired so that emotional responses can be amplified by psychological arousal (e.g. going to a live-comedy-show together whilst holding hands). Given that you & her are going to start over, it seems logical to also change your previous patterns.

 

That's the best advice I can give you, given the circumstances.