Why do I keep doing this to myself..?

[jupiter08]

I've been in a 2 year relationship that ended last week.

 

In the beginning, when he told me he was interested in me, he had a live-in-girlfriend. He broke it off with her and a few weeks after, he started seeing me. It went on for a couple of months. Everything was perfect - it was intense - he even talked of children and how they would look like.. Than one day, out of the blue, he told me that he's getting back with his (supposedly)ex-girlfriend. I was devastated... He said that he still wanted me to be a part of his life. Time went on, we were still in each others lives - via email and sometimes he would come see me. I told him what we're doing is not right, but he said that he doesn't want to loose me and that he still loved me. He kept saying he doesn't want to hurt me or her.

 

Earlier this year, he finally ended his relationship with his gf (again). The reason he gave: she wanted marriage, but he couldn't see her as the mother of his child, eventhough they were very compatiable. He said they're good friends (obvioulsy so, since she doesn't know about his involvement..) He said he wanted to be alone and figure things out. We continued to email and he would still come see me whenever HE wanted to. When I wanted to see him, he started making excuses. I would try to arrange fun things to do over the weekends, he would initially say he's up for it, than cancel at the last minute. We've never done anything in public after he broke it off the first time with me. When asked why, he said its too early (he's coming out of a break-up) and this would ruin his image (he's an assistant professor).

 

A month ago, he started becoming very distant. I asked him if there was someone else, he said there is someone who's interesed in him, but the only problem is that she's "young" - 28 (he's 42 and I'm in my mid 30's). He went on saying how she allowed him to open up about his break-up with his ex-gf and also about me (which surprised me), how she's a wonderful person and he can see himself with her. I couldn't believe what I was hearing... The details he shared was unnecessary. He said that he's confused. He said he can see both of us in his life and that he still loves me and enumerated the reasons why.

 

Just a week back, when I asked him to come by and talk instead of emailing all the time, he started to beat around the bush - said he didn't mind seeing me, but as "friends and nothing more". I asked to be direct with me - I asked him if he was seeing someone else. He said he has been seeing someone else and that he's "making it work"... It was a double slap in the face.. I was numb. And now the nubness has turned into saddness.. I was truly in love with this person. Why did he say he loved me? He has cheated before on his ex-wife. Which he didn't deny. He's a highly educated person that comes from a good family. How do men like this get away with it..? How quickly he is able to find love again and he's having a good time.. This is the second time he dumped me for someone else... and it hurts so much...

Don't they have to face the consequences..? I know I am...

[ccali78]

Hang in there jupiter it is not easy.. But I tell you from being through let go. I wish I had instead of getting hurt and finding out about another woman. Atleast he was honest. Mine was sleeping with both of us. And he would tell me that he cannot wait for us to get back together blah.. blah blah once all our issues were worked out and we would be so happy...

 

So please walk away and save your pride (which I lost) and your heart... There will be someone else.... Once the pain goes away and you focus on yourself...

[Karmageddon]

He is an emotional vampire. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of him. And like you I will never know why someone would even WANT to act that way, much less do it. Your guess is as good as mine. The only reason I have found so far, is just because they can.

 

Sorry you are hurting!

[kuhl282000]

We hurt the ones we love because we know we can