I hate him but feel so rejected

[ccali78]

Hey sorry I have not been on in a while things were going well so I got away and not they are awful.

 

I found out on Saturday after only hanging out with my ex Thursday that he has been seeing/sleeping with someone else for a while. I hate him. We are not talking.

 

She is a single mom with 2 children going through a divorce and has a restraining order on her ex. I am humilated he was hooking up with the both of us. How could he do this to me we were together for 4.5 years. He led me on was dishonest and I promise I will never see him again. Today is day 1 of no contact

 

I need to post today. It is awful..

 

Help me get through this.. I feel so disgusting...

[george237]

It sucks that you got your hopes up with him but he didn't really do anything wrong if you guys weren't officially dating. However, I admit that I would be beyond pissed.

[ccali78]

Well it is not that he was seeing someone else and I stress that. It was that he was very dishonest with his intentions and lied to me. I asked him if he was dating anyone multiple times. He always said no.

 

He never lied to me before. Than after the whole ordeal it went from she means nothing. You are the only girl I have ever loved. Mentioned our kids (which we do not have). Mentioned marriage. I said never again. He than left it as I can never see you again. He is a sick sick person.

 

I am sorry. He could have been honest and I stressed I do not care you are seeing someone else it is the lie and that you are jeopardizing my health by sleeping with someone else and getting me to trust you (yes I know my own fault). We were together 4.5 years. And everyone of his friends said there is no way he is dating someone else. Well he told the one wrong person that he thought would not run to me. I was not looking for it. I was doing fine and than BAM it found me... The truth always does....

[ccali78]

Also he met her while we were toghether as he mentioned her right before we broke up and he forwarded me a text breaking it off with her. I do not care. I doubt he sent it to her he is still seeing her. He is sick..

[jupiter08]

hang in there too, ccali... he was taking advantage of you. he knew exactly how you felt about him and knew you were vulnerable. these types of men are professionals, its not the first time for them. even in my situation, he would not have been honest until i asked him, point blank. i was dumped again by the same person.. i think we should take this as a valuable lesson and NOT repeat it. you can still regain your pride - its never too late for that.

[Steve 7745]

Help me get through this.. I feel so disgusting...

 

Why should you feel disgusting? It was his actions. You made the better choice by flat out ending things. I know women who are disturbing enough to continue to see a guy despite the fact he is married with children, or seeing another woman, or a whole harem of them.

 

It's a question of self respect that you bow out of someone who did not have the courtesy to tell you the truth.

 

So why would you feel disgusting for it?

[ccali78]

Thanks Jupiter you are right. Feel free to PM me anytime as it seems we are going through similar events

 

I guess I just feel so rejected. He does not even like children. So why would he be dating or whatever a woman with children does he think they will go away. It just makes me feel so worthless and like why is she better. I know she is not but that is how I feel...

[xfile384]

I don't know about your prior history with this man, just about the thread you just posted.

 

This kind of thing happens to a lot of people. Sure, it hurts and makes you feel disgusting, because you were with him, while he was messing around... It's horrible, but it's not your fault and you could do nothing to prevent it. You weren't stupid. He is just a jerk, it's simple.

 

You just need to look past it and move on. Yes, your 4-5 years was a waste. It sucks, but at least you know what was happening and your not going to marry someone like that. Most likely he got bored with the same sex life and saw the opportunity to fool around like an idiot. Although, he really cares about you. So, in a cheaters eyes, it's ok for him to mess around, but still be with someone he cares about. It's a horrible situation and he just needs to get out there and explore. It seems like that was his problem.

 

You on the other hand are the innocent, amazing women who did nothing wrong. DO NOT feel disgusting about this and try to stop thinking about it. He is hating himself right now for doing this to you, no matter what anyone says. You will find someone else, but don't settle for less than you deserve. Focus on your career, enjoy the relationships with your friends and you will meet a man good enough for you. Someone you won't have to ask repeatedly if he is seeing another girl...That's ridiculous.

 

Just look on the brightside. It's good you found out and now you can move on and feel better than ever. It's a new day for you today. Don't dwell on the past. Things happen we can't control.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

[ccali78]

Thanks that was great advice. I just feel so ugly

[Karmageddon]

Oh, I understand how you feel. But he just wanted his cake and eat it to. He got away with it for a while & you can probably give your heartfelt thanks to the person who clued you in! I wish someone would have done that for me! Now you know you can move on. The man you thought you knew is not the person you though he was. He's a liar, a fraud & garbage! Welcome to the first day of the rest of your new life!! Live it well!!

[ccali78]

Thanks Karma I have never been a cheater or someone who moves on easily as I love deep so I do not understand. Why do people do this?

[xfile384]

Thanks that was great advice. I just feel so ugly

 

 

Ugly? That's absurd. Just from your avatar i can tell your not even close to being ugly!! (If that is you)

 

Besides, no one should feel ugly, ever...That's horrible for self confidence and i think it's something people do whenever something bad happens in a relationship. (especially women) Women are expected to look pretty and fit in the fashion world. So, i can understand how things like this make you feel negative about yourself. But, don't ever think like that! Every women is beautiful in there own way and i can tell your a great person just by your personality. You seem very caring and seem like the type to NEVER cheat and stay loyal to your man.

 

That by itself makes you beautiful.

 

So please, don't put yourself down. Your better than that.

 

(A little humor to make you smile with the afro smiley) lol

[kuhl282000]

Sorry for all the pain and saddness ..... I was cheated on only once in my life many many years ago ......and looking back it was all a pack of lies ........I caught her red handed .......we never spoke again after that ........she tried to come back several years later ......but the feeling were long gone by then ....when they cheat they have to lie ......its a pattern with cheaters .....

 

You deserve much better .....I hope we broken hearted find peace real soon

[StillSmiling]

Thanks Karma I have never been a cheater or someone who moves on easily as I love deep so I do not understand. Why do people do this?

 

 

Oh ccali! Damn, I feel you pain and am sending a cyber hug your way.

 

I don't know why or how people can do that, but sadly they do. I'm so sorry you were one of the victims.

 

While my ex didn't cheat, he did leave me with a MAJOR lack of self esteem. I'm not even sure how he did that. But I DO know you will find it back again.

 

Wish I could be 29 again and be a cute blonde! You have so much good stuff ahead of you. This is just a nasty patch, a very painful one, but you will come out the other side and someday giggle about how silly you were for feeling such grief over someone so insensitive. You simply deserve better and it is out there.

 

Take good care of yourself right now. Tough to do, but you will make it.

[Circe]

Once upon a time, I was in a similar situation with an ex-boyfriend and so I know exactly what you mean when you say it's the hurt of having been lied to and the humiliation of it all that's the problem.

 

With lots of time - that feeling does die and go away.

 

Now I think to myself: ex was someone I knew to be a lier and deceitful - so if he was that way to others of course he was going to be that way to me.

[SapphireNoir10]

Also he met her while we were toghether as he mentioned her right before we broke up and he forwarded me a text breaking it off with her. I do not care. I doubt he sent it to her he is still seeing her. He is sick..

 

Dont feel bad. It isnt your fault. You didnt know. He used you and her. But not anymore. He can't have both of you.

 

At least, this is a blesisng in disguise. You can fINALLY move on from him knowing theres no hope of going back, you will be much better off for it.

 

Stay strong. Dont contact him. And know your worth twelve of him!!

[kuhl282000]

This may help! I hope so ........I'm going through one myself

 

Stages of Grief

Stage 1

The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. Sometimes this is the hardest part - having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, you can't see into the future and it's scary.

Feeling Like You're Starting Over

You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined

At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day.

The Second Stage of Grief

The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don't allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.

Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they'll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they'll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can't seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it's important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won't. Your feelings will pass. You'll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don't feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn't very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you're the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.

The Third Stage of Grief

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you're going to be okay. You realize that you haven't thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You've gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.

Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, after all you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It's full of up's and down's. It's okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

In the acceptance stage, you've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.

Sometimes letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.

Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.

Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

[ccali78]

Thanks everyone... I feel somewhat better. Yeah that is a picture of me. I need to get a better one

 

As for the stages of grief I am definitely on phase II so pathetic. I do not want to wait a year. Now is a year from the breakup or the break of contact.

 

And this is not my first love so I know it will get better. It just creeps me out that somone could be so low.. Did I mean nothing to him... Uggg.. Can you really be sleeping with someone else for a couple months like he says and not care about them.

 

I could not but I have never cheated on anyone in my whole entire life..

[ccali78]

Today sucks... I just feel so rejected. I know it is normal. What different things do people do to cope...

[Frontclip2200]

Today sucks... I just feel so rejected. I know it is normal. What different things do people do to cope...

 

 

dont worry..alot of us here feel that rejection feeling. so dont feel alone. i know misery loves company....anyways what i usually do to cope is hang out with friends as much as i can, i dont know why but friends always make me the most happy out of anything and help me cope with things the most. you can get a hobby, persue one that you have always been putting off. focus on family. focus on your carreer. start working out more...theres alot to do. the thing is just getting motivated to do it. i know after a break up im hard to get motivated to do different things. you seem to have your head pretty straight about everything.

 

and just so you know, you sounds like a beautiful person. i know what has happened to you has made you feel like @#$% but nope...thats definitely not the truth.. youre beautiful

[The_411]

ccali,

 

Cheating comes from a deficiency of character and morals. It could have been that a parent of your ex cheated or cheating was condoned. He could be mentally ill narcissist. There are lots of reasons why someone cheats.

 

Unfortunately society promotes cheating as okay through the media. Look at Desperate Housewives as an example. Look at movies like the Notebook.

 

People are not strong enough to deal with their issues so they use cheating as an escape. They justify their actions by saying you weren't providing them something or some other bs excuse.

 

It happened to me as well and I know it hurts like nothing you have ever felt before.

 

Here's the positive:

That's a dynamite picture. You are a real looker and I'm sure you'll have lots of worthy guys lining up for you. Especially guys who have integrity and honesty. The key is recognizing that him cheating had nothing to do with how you look it has to do with his problems his issues. He's a freakin' idiot to toss you away.

 

If he does con some woman into marrying her he'll just cheat on her.

 

Just work on you take time to spend time with people you trust right now and stay away from dating people until you can feel better about people on the whole because for a while you'll feel very suspicious of people especially men.

 

In time you'll meet a great man who will love you and cherish you and treat with respect. This will come when you're ready to trust again. It's tough but you'll get there.

[ccali78]

Thank you both.

 

411 you really made me feel great. You have no idea how your kind words have touched me... I need to save that...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Honey, he didn't reject you, he just can't settle on any one woman because he is too selfish. YOU rejected HIM, and deservedly so!

 

Hold your head high and recognize this is just a case of casting your pearls before swine. Now that you know he's swine, don't blame yourself because he acted like one.

 

You have to grieve the death of the person you HOPED he would be, but certainly isn't as you have discovered. Remind yourself that this is his fault, you are a lovely person, and will do very well when you find a lovely man who isn't a swine!

[ccali78]

Thanks bestrongbehappy that is what I am thinking. I gave it my best his loss not mine... I am a good catch I know this. I have a great job, I volunteer and am the board for a very big volunteer organization. I volunteer for animals. I love unconditionally so I will find that right someone when the time is right. It will take a lot though as he really knocked me off my feet and than tanked when his family disowned him...

 

I know he still blames me for that...

[kuhl282000]

link removed

 

Listen to this it will help you a lot