ycmanvs Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I bumped into my ex on Friday. Since then, we have exchanged a couple of emails and phone calls. I am not sure if this is wise. It is true that I am curious to see what has been going on in his life in the past few months and I secretly hope that he has changed, but I know that chances are that this has not happened. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I just go back to NC? Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Well. How long has it been, and based on what you've seen so far, has there been any change? Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Should I keep in touch with my ex ????? NO. You are not completely over him and there is no reason to stay in touch on a regular basis unless you want to prevent yourself from moving forward. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 If you just casually bumped into him then the contact doesn't mean anything has changed. It is probably of the catching up with a friend type contact. What is it you want from him, and life in general? Does contacting him move you towards those goals? Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I bumped into my ex on Friday. Since then, we have exchanged a couple of emails and phone calls. I am not sure if this is wise. It is true that I am curious to see what has been going on in his life in the past few months and I secretly hope that he has changed, but I know that chances are that this has not happened. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I just go back to NC? It depends, really. Is reconciliation your ultimate goal? Have you taken the time to heal yourself and be content with your life? Are you strong enough to not be totally emotional if he brushes you off/tells of a new love interest/talks about his life without you/says a myriad of other things that may potentially hurt? If you answered 'yes' to all of the above, then rare and very light contact should be alright. But, I stress 'rare' and 'light'. Treat it almost as if you were pen pals with limited ink. Don't let his potential eagerness to talk to you make you break the 'lightness' and 'rareness' of your communications. Try your best to lead the conversations to keep them in a territory you feel most comfortable with. If you answered 'no' to any of the above, I'd recommend going back to NC and continuing with bettering yourself. Link to comment
punk_bf Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I am not sure how to proceed. Should I just go back to NC? If you are unsure - then that probably means no contact is better for you. There are some circumstances in which contact with an ex is perfectly fine. I had a gf in college who I loved very much but broke up with for very good reasons. We were able to stay friends and are in contact to this day. But this is an exceptional case. I don't agonize over it at all. If you do, then it probably means yours is not the exceptional case. Link to comment
majord23 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Treat it almost as if you were pen pals with limited ink. lol. Perfectly phrased. Link to comment
riley123 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Hi ycmanvs, I briefly looked through some of your older threads and based on your past struggles with this guy I think it would be a mistake to stay in contact with him. You’ve made such good progress over the last few months and I feel that you will only be inviting heartache back into your life. You ran into him, had a pleasant exchange and enjoyed the rest of your evening. Leave it there. Link to comment
hers Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 I bumped into my ex on Friday. Since then, we have exchanged a couple of emails and phone calls. I am not sure if this is wise. It is true that I am curious to see what has been going on in his life in the past few months and I secretly hope that he has changed, but I know that chances are that this has not happened. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I just go back to NC? The other day posted a thread pretty much with the same circumstances. You told me to go strict NC. I haven't--obviously you haven't followed your own advice either! I hope everything works out for the best for you. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 ycmanvs you know I remember the hard time you had with this break-up months back. As I remember this guy wasn't very good to you. Are you sure that you're willing to go back to that? Sure, people change. He may have changed. But as I remember he felt you were the problem in the relationship. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 I do not have feelings for him at the moment. He says he still loves me and that it is hard for him to talk to me. I told him that he can keep in touch with me if he gets to a point where this would not make him uncomfortable.... He emailed me this morning trying to figure out my motives for talking to him again. He wanted to know if I was bored? Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Hi ycmanvs I know that you say that you like to stay friends/in contact with your ex's but I cannot imagine why you would give someone who treated you so awfully the time of day. I just don't get it. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Hi ycmanvs I know that you say that you like to stay friends/in contact with your ex's but I cannot imagine why you would give someone who treated you so awfully the time of day. I just don't get it. Because I treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. I am nice, kind, respectful, tolerant, understanding, etc. I do not want to hate anyone or be mean to anyone. That does not mean that I want to get back together with him... Link to comment
wizard71 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 You can still be nice, kind, respectful, tolerant and understanding, without speaking to him. Firstly, you should be all of those things to yourself. We put so much into our 'exes' that we neglect ourselves completely and fail to move on. Accept that as a person you are all of these things, and accept that you will find someone that appreciates these traits, there are plenty of us around. Some people are just not capable of being in a relationship for various reasons. Either way,whether you contact him or not, you are doing it for you, not him. What would be the best for YOU? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 You can still be nice, kind, respectful, tolerant and understanding, without speaking to him. Firstly, you should be all of those things to yourself. We put so much into our 'exes' that we neglect ourselves completely and fail to move on. Accept that as a person you are all of these things, and accept that you will find someone that appreciates these traits, there are plenty of us around. Some people are just not capable of being in a relationship for various reasons. Either way,whether you contact him or not, you are doing it for you, not him. What would be the best for YOU? I have moved on. I was just being polite. I guess I should not be too polite, or he may think that I want to get back together or something. Link to comment
Clabs Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Hun - I think this shows how little you respect yourself. He treated you like crap and you wanna stay friends. I think this is where you are going wrong. Just my thoughts. Mark Link to comment
wizard71 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Life is so so short. In fact we dont realise how short it can be. You cannot try and please every human being, in the end you will have nothing to give. It doesnt give you a smaller percentage of the qualities you have if you dont. My point was, be all those things for people that deserve them. Learn apathy for everyone else. Link to comment
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