Rejecting someone in a dating context

[Godwin]

In-lite of my recent date uncertainty I was wondering how one would go about rejecting someone that they never wanted to see again.

 

Do you:

 

a) Tell them straight

b) Ignore them

c) Act cold, til they take the hint

d) Make excuses (your ill, busy etc)

 

I suppose in my situation she has agreed to a second date and stated that she wants to see me again so perhaps she is telling the truth and she is geniunely busy!

 

Anyway, back to the topic, how do YOU reject someone?

[D_Lish]

I always say 'Im not looking for anything right now'......

 

If a woman says that, she is NOT interested...period.

 

However, some guys fail to take the hint, when you say you aren't looking for anything, or other excuses. They think we are 'playing hard to get'....

 

If a guy is persistent and after I've told him I am not looking for anything, then I will totally ignore him...

[lea39]

It is always very hard to tell someone straight you do not want to see them again. Its human nature not to want to hurt someone feelings.

 

The fact she has agreed to a second date could very possibly means she does want to see you again. She could indeed be busy.

 

I give you a personal example.

 

I met someone not too many weeks ago and really liked him. Things out of my control have happened in my life since, and although I like him I am not rushing into seeing him again.

 

We never know what is going on in someone elses lives or what they are thinking.

 

If you like her I would suggest if she does not contact you, you contact her one last time. Atleast, hopefully you will know where you stand

[Godwin]

It is always very hard to tell someone straight you do not want to see them again. Its human nature not to want to hurt someone feelings.

 

The fact she has agreed to a second date could very possibly means she does want to see you again. She could indeed be busy.

 

I give you a personal example.

 

I met someone not too many weeks ago and really liked him. Things out of my control have happened in my life since, and although I like him I am not rushing into seeing him again.

 

We never know what is going on in someone elses lives or what they are thinking.

 

If you like her I would suggest if she does not contact you, you contact her one last time. Atleast, hopefully you will know where you stand

 

She said she was going to contact me tonight to confirm if she could get away from work early and see me tomorrow. I am guessing she won't be able to meet me tomorrow so will need to see what else she says.

 

Hopefully she sends a positive message though or if not interested just tells me straight out.

[D_Lish]

It is always very hard to tell someone straight you do not want to see them again. Its human nature not to want to hurt someone feelings.

 

True....and that is why women tend to make excuses rather than say 'You aren't my type and I'm not interested'.....

 

We never know what is going on in someone elses lives or what they are thinking.

 

This is true also...we don't know.

 

But if there is a 'real' and 'genuine interest'....it doesn't matter what is going in our lives, we always make time for someone we want to get to know better.....even if it's not as immediate as they would like.

[Godwin]

But if there is a 'real' and 'genuine interest'....it doesn't matter what is going in our lives, we always make time for someone we want to get to know better.....even if it's not as immediate as they would like.

 

I guess I find it hard to accept that someone would choose work over a date. I need to grow up though and realise she is an independent career girl and these things happen all the time.

 

My synopsis:

 

She likes me, but can obviously wait 3 weeks to see me.

 

I am being more needy and can't wait. I cannot let her see that though.

 

Anyway, her number has been deleted and I am going to be super-cool from now on.

[lea39]

i do agree if someone is interested they will stay in touch.

 

I also think just because they are too busy too see you, doesn't mean they are not interested. What I mean to say is when you meet someone new, doesn't mean you can drop everything else that you have been doing since they came along.

 

Again, I am only going by personal experience. I am not in regular contact with my new 'friend' as there are more important issues i have to deal with .

 

Personally, at my age, if i am not interested in someone i do tell them that i want to stay just friends.

 

If she says she will ring, hopefully she will, but things do happen. And also the last thing a woman wants, is a clingy guy, first hint of that she runs

[D_Lish]

I guess I find it hard to accept that someone would choose work over a date. I need to grow up though and realise she is an independent career girl and these things happen all the time.

 

My synopsis:

 

She likes me, but can obviously wait 3 weeks to see me.

 

I am being more needy and can't wait. I cannot let her see that though.

 

Anyway, her number has been deleted and I am going to be super-cool from now on.

 

 

Why is it taking her 3 weeks to see you?

Are you long distance?

 

But yeah, there is always one party who is more needy and in more of a rush to get things going than the other party is. However, just because they don't appear in a rush, doesn't mean that they aren't interested. Sometimes the 'timing' can be just all wrong....

However, if she likes you, she will get around to making time for you and soon I would have thought. If she likes you, she won't leave the contacting you, for ages and ages so to speak.....as I said, you should soon hear from her.

[Godwin]

And also the last thing a woman wants, is a clingy guy, first hint of that she runs

 

Agreed, thats why I am going to act indifferent to her but pleasant.

 

At the end of the day she as much to lose as me.

[lea39]

I agree with Lish, there is always someone wanting more than the other at the same time.

 

Sometimes i find i had all the time in the world to be in touch with someone regularly, then other things came up thathad to take my focus.

 

yes, if someone does like the person, they will eventually get in touch.

 

One thing I have also learnt ,is it is good to have distance and take your time over getting involved with someone new, taking things slow is not a bad idea

[Godwin]

Why is it taking her 3 weeks to see you?

Are you long distance

 

She is going on holiday for a week and comes back the day that I go away for 10 days.

 

It would have been nice to have seen her before I left but looks like we won't get the chance.

[D_Lish]

OK....so it's not a case of she can wait/or is making you wait, but a case of circumstances getting in the way that prevents her from seeing you.

 

So how long before you go away?

 

Just trying to get a better picture of your story.....unless you have a thread you can point me to.

[gcollier2002]

Agreed, thats why I am going to act indifferent to her but pleasant.

 

At the end of the day she as much to lose as me.

 

A quick word of caution: "Most 'acts' at the end are followed by applause from the audience". In this instance you're going (you say your are, anway) to "act" indifferent. Whether you are or not will be the difference. If you're "acting" indifferent to her hoping she will come around, you're doing little more than being manipulative and more-than-likely setting yourself up for more disappointment. It sounds like you need to work out in your head that she "just isn't that into you" and be done with the situation. Perhaps she will come around in her own time; but don't sit by the phone or wait for her to drop by. Get out and go again with someone else.

[Batya33]

If it's only a first or second date (or a first meet) with someone I just met I often just didn't respond to the phone call or email - which is what I preferred too if the man wasn't interested - silence as lack of interest. After a handfl of dates I often would explain that I didn't think we had enough in common to continue (a nice way of sayng "you're interested and I'm not thereforee we don't have enough in common")

[D_Lish]

Well I read your story in the other link and I'm unsure what to think.

Because you only had 'one' date, she probably isn't at a stage where she is feeling you are Number One Priority in her life....that is why she is probably prepared to leave a second date for another three weeks...

 

All you can do, is await and see if she calls you tonight like she said she would and if she doesn't...I'd be moving on.

[Godwin]

Well I read your story in the other link and I'm unsure what to think.

Because you only had 'one' date, she probably isn't at a stage where she is feeling you are Number One Priority in her life....that is why she is probably prepared to leave a second date for another three weeks...

 

All you can do, is await and see if she calls you tonight like she said she would and if she doesn't...I'd be moving on.

 

Yep, thats my plan.

 

I don't have any way of contacting her right now as I have deleted her details.

 

If she contacts me then great, if not, Vegas is calling and by the time that is over with I wont even remember her name

[Godwin]

If it's only a first or second date (or a first meet) with someone I just met I often just didn't respond to the phone call or email - which is what I preferred too if the man wasn't interested - silence as lack of interest. After a handfl of dates I often would explain that I didn't think we had enough in common to continue (a nice way of sayng "you're interested and I'm not thereforee we don't have enough in common")

 

That seems appropriate, I would prefer that to happen in my case. I cant stand getting mucked about as I tend to over-analysis things.

 

Bluntness is the key!

[D_Lish]

Yep, thats my plan.

 

I don't have any way of contacting her right now as I have deleted her details.

 

If she contacts me then great, if not, Vegas is calling and by the time that is over with I wont even remember her name

 

Well you sound like a pretty sensible and clued up kinda guy.

Unlike the majority who are too dense to see when a woman just 'is not interested'.....and they continue to hound.

 

Yep, ball is in her court now and if she is interested, she will 'definitley' get back to you shortly...

 

Have a good time in Vegas btw.....crikey, a visit to Vegas is beyond my wildest dreams LOL!!

[amipushy]

If they ask me to go out again I just say "No I don't think so" and if they push it I say "I just don't think you're the right person for me, sorry". I might then bring up something funny about the date to lighten the convo but then I usually disappear.

 

*Godwin, just something for you to ponder over but don't ask her if thats how she feels in case I'm wrong. I'm wondering if maybe the fact you ended up in bed might have put some pressure of the expectation for going further on the next date? If she does come back for more then maybe next time suggest the date somewhere that that can't possibly happen unless she initiates it.

[ghost69]

'it's not going to work out'

 

'i think we should just be friends'

 

'i'm not looking for someone right now'

 

it also depends on how many dates, or how you met, your history together, etc. before i could really tell you how to go about it.