Shall I come back?

[Teresa24]

I've posted several threads here these days,I like this forum and people really give useful advices and nice talking.I'll try to keep my story short for I really need some advices now.

 

My exbf and I had known each other for almost 4 years,and friendship developed to love,we had a serious relation for over 1 year,long distance.I am 26,he is 43 this year.We both have never got married before.

 

Actually during the one year we were together,he was really good to me(except the breaking up),I can feel his love,he came a long way to see me and stay with me,we had a great time together.Both of us were happy and planned to move together and get married.

 

To practical points,he is much older than me,and his appearance, career, income, family background, physical conditions...everything is not as good as mine,I want to be with him only because he loves me and is good to me.I think he is the right man who I can be with for a lifetime for he is honest and stable.

 

The problems between us are,

1.Our relation could not be accepted by my parents for our differences.

2.I must give up my life in my country,my high-salary job,my career,my friends and family, and move to his country. My everything will start from zero and I am not sure whether I can get a good job there but I would like to try my best.Because of his experience, he could not find a good job here.

3.I am that kind of person who is not easy to express myself,sometimes I may look negative or pessimistic,he doesnt like that at all.He just leave me alone and let myself get over that then talk to me so I think he doesnt care about me enough.We often argue on this issue.

4.Maybe because his age,he is not energetic as young people,he likes to stay at home all day but I like to enjoy fresh air outside sometimes.

...

 

For myself,I can accept all our differences and I would like to change for him.I have been hurt badly in my first relation,so after I met him,I dont want to lose him.I believe love is not an easy thing,I want to settle down but not looking around all the time,and as long as we love each other,we can work together to solve all the problems.

 

I tried to persuade my parents,and started to look for a job in his country.When I am working for our future,he suddenly broke up with me 3 months ago.

 

The first day he still sent me message and told me he loves me,but the next day,he suddenly stop contacting me.After I sent him msg,he wrote back is over."

 

That was a deathblow to me,I got sick and quit my job,then left my city for a holiday.Almost after one month,I gradually stop crying.That was really a miserable memory.And now I am still suffering from insomnia sometimes.

 

I did some stupid things after that,even begged him to stay,but he was cruel and told me it will never work out.At that time,I felt I can die for him as long as he can come back to me.

 

He said he will only love me in his life,he will not love other girls but we are in different worlds and we cannot change it.

He didnt give me any reason of breaking up but only said everything is over.

During the 3 months,sometimes we still keep in touch.We miss each other a lot and I should confess I only think about him and our happy time together because I still love him.But in my mind,he will not come back again.

 

However,last night he wrote to me.He wants to come back but he asked whether I can forget the past and love him as before.

 

I haven't replied yet.I know because of the hurt,I cannot love him as before.I am really afraid one day he will leave me again without any reason as last time and hurt me again.

 

Now I haven't totally got over the pain of breaking up.I still love him,everyday I miss him crazily.But I dont want to try another time.I think he is not responsible for our relation.

 

My problem is I still love him and I know he also loves me,I dont want to lose the right one in my life but I am also not sure whether he is the right one,after all we have so many differences and practical problems.I dont want to come back but I cannot stop thinking of him all the time.

 

Shall I give him another chance and come back to him? or totally forget him?

or shall I just wait some time and not reply him?

 

Thanks for your advices and share.

[Steve 7745]

Teresa24,

 

When he broke up with you, he sent a message, saying that there are doubts in him. You have offered more of yourself than most people have to other relationships. You are offering a gigantic sacrifice, of your family here, your job and career. Even your financial assets are in question, because if he makes less than you, you will owe him alimony if he marries and divorces you.

 

I know it sounds beautiful, and romantic to chase after this man and to believe that he loves you. But your sacrifice will be in complete and total vain if he is not as devoted as you. He has broken up with you already, he has proven that he is willing to walk away. He has walked away.

 

And even if you were married, time would take him away from your far earlier than what is just. He's almost two decades older. And since women tend to live seven years longer than men, that means you could live 23 years or more after he has died.

 

If you have doubts, as you rightfully should based on the decisions he has made, then it is best to stop and let it go. I encourage and hope for the best for you to grow from this experience, to grieve him properly and accept that he is gone. It will hurt, no lie. But you will discover things about yourself from this experience and that will make you stronger in the end.

 

So go on with your life and let him go. You've all the time in the world to find the one.

[Teresa24]

He2etic,

 

Thanks a lot for your advice.It is really helpful.I think I should let him go,that is the best result,though it may be a little bit difficult for me now.

 

Sometimes I think love conquering all,so I sacrificed a lot to my relation and always expecting the best result.But now I understand love should be fair and with respect,but not giving blindly.